By Mareesa Dannielle<br>As a counselor and sex therapist, this is the most popular question ever asked in my daily practice: "Does size matter?"
My answer is straight and forward:"
Yes, it does!" Many men tend to run away from a sexual experience after this. However, many women will disagree.
When I say that size matters, I mean it! Physiologically speaking, an extremely small size, say, less than one inch, is not likely to reach a woman's G spot and cause the necessary stimulation that leads to orgasm. On the other hand, an extremely large size, say, larger than three inches wide and ten inches long, is likely to cause pain or discomfort, even when a woman is very aroused. Obviously, every woman is unique and some can be stimulated elsewhere than the G Spot. Women have different body shapes. Some are more capable of coping with extremes than others. So, this is why some women may prefer penis size L, or XXXL, and others may prefer size S, or XXXS. Nature is flexible, so are our bodies. Variation in the size of genitals often does not interfere with their reproductive function.
Women often don't make a big fuss of size, because it is taken in conjunction with many other factors. Women have learned to consider sex as part of a bigger picture, in our culture. In many cases they prefer not to have the ideal size, if it comes with violence, carelessness, and even ignorance about a woman's sexual needs.
Some women also think that it is better not to have sex at all, when she is looking for marriage or commitment and her partner cannot offer it to her, regardless of penis size.
When a man agrees that size matters, he will know its possibilities and limitations, and will take it into consideration when trying to satisfy his partner.
The false proverb is still alive: "when a woman is well aroused she can take anything". It is false because a woman can only take so much.
Obviously a great deal of stimulation is likely to relax the vaginal muscles and allow insertion painlessly, and pleasantly. However, this doesn't always work. In some cases the woman just can't take it! Because she has a very small vagina. In this case it is likely that the couple will have to learn to live without genital intercourse, and find alternatives, such as oral sex. This is very rare.
So, why is size relevant?
Jokes about penis sizes wouldn't exist if they were irrelevant. When a man comes to terms with the fact that his penis is smaller than average, he is likely to try and stimulate his partner in other ways, orally or with his hands. He won't mind using sex toys if she wants them. However, what really happens very often is something else.
Men with a smaller than average penis are very likely to seek counseling or consider surgical interventions, when there is nothing wrong with their penis.
Who hasn't seen or heard about cruelty in boys' school locker rooms, when the ones who have a small penis are often abused? This sort of behavior is often one of the factors that lead men to believe their are inferior or inadequate. We are glad that this type of bullying is slowly being banished altogether.
Once a man told me that when he first became naked in front of a woman, she looked at his penis, laughed and said:
"It's is smaller than the penis of my five year old!"
The man dressed himself and never attempted to get into an intimate relationship again, until he sought help. Later in life he met a woman who became his fiancee. Long before their first sexual intercourse, he warned her.
"I have the smallest penis in the world. However, it can do wonders!"
She laughed, and wanted to know which sort of wonders could it do! He gladly showed her. In this way he started a very healthy sexual relationship, with confidence, and good communication.
We live in a world which places excessive value on appearance. Varying from the norm is always a threatening experience, causing people to feel inferior when they are unique, like everybody is.
Many women develop serious problems of sexual identity because they have either a very small or a very large vagina. Using the vaginal muscles and other so called "pelvic floor muscles" properly can be of great help.
Once I met a woman who was in a lesbian relationship for years. She sought help because she didn't know who she was sexually. She couldn't stop her sexual fantasies of having sex with men. However, her previous heterosexual experiences were very negative, because of the intense pain she felt during intercourse. She became very prejudiced against men, believing they were always a source of pain and discomfort.
She learned the basics of sexual intercourse, and how to do it painlessly. Then she ended her relationship and made herself available to love a man again. This story is much longer, more complex and fascinating, however, I hope this part illustrates how ignorance and prejudice combined can cause a lot of trouble.
Ingredients of a healthy sexual relationship are much more than a penis and a vagina. They include love, respect, trust, tolerance, and a willingness to help the other partner feel good. When these ingredients are not present a good relationship simply can not exist, regardless of size.