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Tue 26 Dec 2006 10:56:42 PM CST

Bumblebeekee

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From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

Etiquette on Registry

Okay, EVERYBODY knows its poor etiquette to include registry information on the invite. And our invites are already printed so its out of the question. HOWEVER, FH insists that his parents should not have to spread the word (for whatever reason thats never really clear to me) about the registry information, so he wants me to include them on our 1/2 sheet insert that we are already providing for our guests with the invite, so they can have detailed directions from the highway to our host hotels, and then to the church. From the church to the reception, host hotel prices, amenities, etc.....There IS room to do it, but i don't want to.
On the other hand, I understand that he simply wants to provide information for those who are interested. No he cannot understand the concept of parents spreading the word, and if guests wants to know they can simply ask one of us and we can tell them....When I tell him this, he says, "Why should they have to ask?". He also feels like people will not feel like we are asking for gifts, and if they do they don't have to buy, yada yada yada....

Should I give in? I just don't people to feel like we are asking for gifts....hence which is why we have etiquete rules in the first place!
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Edited: Bumblebeekee (Wed 27 Dec 2006 04:56:42 AM GMT)

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Wed 27 Dec 2006 07:00:24 AM CST

housewife147

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

Actually I think that's a great idea that your fh has. It saves phone calls and eliminate errors. You know what if your mother tells someone macy's and they cant remember if your mother said jcpenny or linens and things. I dont see any harm in putting in on the card.
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Edited: housewife147 (Wed 27 Dec 2006 01:00:24 PM GMT)

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Wed 27 Dec 2006 08:15:58 AM CST

soontobebride

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

Honestly I don't understand this whole "you're not supposed to put registry stuff or ask for money in your invites" because it's not proper etiquette, who came up with that anyways? I mean usually people don't go to a wedding without a gift so I don't understand what the big deal is about putting registry info, or letting people know you have a wishing well if the CHOOSE to bring a gift or make a monetary donation. You're not ASKING for a gift, but if your guest chooses to bring a gift, what's so wrong with having the info. availiable already for them? Can someone explain where this whole thing came from?....


Edited: soontobebride (Wed 27 Dec 2006 02:15:58 PM GMT)

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Wed 27 Dec 2006 08:35:06 AM CST

alvinslove

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

To me the inserts are fine.Its not actually printed on the invitation so thats cool. You get them free from most registries anyways. Word of mouth sometimes its the best way to spread news unless its bad news. People can really mess things up for you that way.They will have folks at the wrong store shopping and u end up not getting anything because they couldnt find your name...lol.It happens!Have a wishing well there just in case you have monetary gifts from guests.More than likely you will have a few people who just decided to let you choose your own gifts.Some people dont like searching regisrties for gifts becasue they feel restricted from other things they may have had in mind.


Edited: alvinslove (Wed 27 Dec 2006 02:35:06 PM GMT)

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Wed 27 Dec 2006 09:13:25 AM CST

MsBoston

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From: Boston, MA

Re: Etiquette on Registry

I agree, as long as its not printed on the invite...that's when things start to get questionable.
No it won't seem that you're fishing for gifts, what you have printed out in the insert is information that your guests legitimately WANT to know. When people have a baby shower question #1 is where are they registered...guests want to know that they are spending their money on a gift that is actually needed/wanted. Registries are actually a wanted convenience...It allows guests to have the info they want, and exclude the guessing game. Works for you as well because you won't have to run around trying to return all the 'crap' that you didn't need/want.
Alvinslove put is best...put out a wishing well/card drop box for guests who can't decide or would rather have you purchase items that you both want.


Edited: MsBoston (Wed 27 Dec 2006 03:13:25 PM GMT)

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Wed 27 Dec 2006 09:18:35 AM CST

soontobebride

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

So it is okay to put registry info etc on a seperate piece of paper and include on with your invite? I thought I've heard people say you are not supposed to do that at all. That's why I was questioning where that rule came from? You get so much info from so many different sources you just don't know what to do. I guess bottom line is it just depends on what you want at your wedding.....so many things to think about.....sheesh!...lol....


Edited: soontobebride (Wed 27 Dec 2006 03:18:35 PM GMT)

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Wed 27 Dec 2006 09:31:07 AM CST

DaughterRhonda

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

Your FH has missed his calling (wedding planner) -- LOL!!! That is a wonderful idea. My family spread the word of our registry information by word of mouth. I wish that I would've done it the way your FH suggested because a lot of people didn't get the information.
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Edited: DaughterRhonda (Wed 27 Dec 2006 03:31:07 PM GMT)

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Wed 27 Dec 2006 10:19:17 AM CST

Bumblebeekee

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From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

Re: Etiquette on Registry

Thanks everyone...I will definitely follow your advice! I wanted to ask you guys because I wanted to know if I was making a big deal out of nothing. Sheesh, I don't know who came up with these rules of etiquette also, but I would rather make sure EVERYONE gets all the information they need.

Problem solved!

You ladies are the bestSmile
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Edited: Bumblebeekee (Wed 27 Dec 2006 04:19:17 PM GMT)

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Wed 27 Dec 2006 03:28:32 PM CST

housewife147

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

Now go home and tell your fh how wonderful he is and how smart he is for thinking of that idea. LOL
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Edited: housewife147 (Wed 27 Dec 2006 09:28:32 PM GMT)

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Fri 29 Dec 2006 08:33:39 AM CST

Bumblebeekee

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From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

Re: Etiquette on Registry

housewife147 wrote: Now go home and tell your fh how wonderful he is and how smart he is for thinking of that idea. LOL


I called him and told him, and of course he felt good.
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)


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Edited: Bumblebeekee (Fri 29 Dec 2006 02:33:39 PM GMT)

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Fri 29 Dec 2006 09:20:30 AM CST

housewife147

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

LOL
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Edited: housewife147 (Fri 29 Dec 2006 03:20:30 PM GMT)

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Tue 02 Jan 2007 02:20:48 PM CST

belleblanc

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

I don't agree with the etiquette thing with regard to gift giving. Everyone knows that when you have a babyshower, a bridal shower and a wedding, you're to give a gift and/or money. People aren't that dumb, they are just trying to free-load if they can get away with doing that. Fortunately, there are those who have some class about themselves and will do the right thing. I had my aunt spread the word to my side of the family that our wedding was "Green-back" which is money only. He did the same for his side. I didn't want gifts, as we already have an established household. I think you should tell them what your wishes are. There are ways to do it. Even if you chose to send a small card saying, "Just a Reminder To All Guest" The Bride and Groom have elected to have a green-back wedding which translates to monetary gifts only. They should get the picture and not be offended. This would be applicable to registry gifts elected by the couple. Things have changed a lot in as far as ettiquette. Is it proper ettiquette for people to RSVP and then not show up, especially when they could have said something before your final count? This is for the bride and groom, you deserve whatever you ask for.
BelleBlanc

Edited: belleblanc (Tue 02 Jan 2007 08:24:42 PM GMT)

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Tue 02 Jan 2007 02:37:59 PM CST

soontobebride

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From: Charlotte, NC

Re: Etiquette on Registry

AMEN AND AMEN!!!!!!! Some of this "etiquette" stuff just drives me crazy!


Edited: soontobebride (Tue 02 Jan 2007 08:37:59 PM GMT)

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Tue 02 Jan 2007 03:36:39 PM CST

housewife147

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

All I want to know is who is the rule maker?
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Edited: housewife147 (Tue 02 Jan 2007 09:36:39 PM GMT)

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Tue 02 Jan 2007 10:31:34 PM CST

jayda91764

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Joined: July, 2006
Posts: 82
From: CALIFORNIA

Re: Etiquette on Registry

EVERY WEDDING THAT I HAVE BEEN INVITED TO HAS HAD THE REGISTRY INSERT INCLUDED WITH THE INVITATION. I APPRECIATE HAVING IT BECAUSE I CAN ACTUALLY BUY SOMETHING THE FUTURE COUPLE NEEDS AND CAN USE INSTEAD OF GETTING THEM SOMETHING WITH THE CHANCE 5 OTHER PEOPLE WILL GET THE SAME THING OR GETTING SOME BLUE TOWELS AND THE BATHROOM IS GOING TO BE GREEN.
SEASONS IM WALKING INTO MY SEASON

Edited: jayda91764 (Wed 03 Jan 2007 04:31:34 AM GMT)

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Wed 03 Jan 2007 03:30:49 PM CST

SeptBride

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

belleblanc wrote: I don't agree with the etiquette thing with regard to gift giving. Everyone knows that when you have a babyshower, a bridal shower and a wedding, you're to give a gift and/or money. People aren't that dumb, they are just trying to free-load if they can get away with doing that. Fortunately, there are those who have some class about themselves and will do the right thing. I had my aunt spread the word to my side of the family that our wedding was "Green-back" which is money only. He did the same for his side. I didn't want gifts, as we already have an established household. I think you should tell them what your wishes are. There are ways to do it. Even if you chose to send a small card saying, "Just a Reminder To All Guest" The Bride and Groom have elected to have a green-back wedding which translates to monetary gifts only. They should get the picture and not be offended. This would be applicable to registry gifts elected by the couple. Things have changed a lot in as far as ettiquette. Is it proper ettiquette for people to RSVP and then not show up, especially when they could have said something before your final count? This is for the bride and groom, you deserve whatever you ask for.


Thank you very much for posting this. I have to start a new topic now. Smile


Edited: SeptBride (Wed 03 Jan 2007 09:30:49 PM GMT)

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Thu 04 Jan 2007 03:11:29 PM CST

MsBoston

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From: Boston, MA

Re: Etiquette on Registry

belleblanc wrote: Is it proper ettiquette for people to RSVP and then not show up, especially when they could have said something before your final count? This is for the bride and groom, you deserve whatever you ask for.


Hello! That't the rudest most unettiquette (hey..I just made my own word) thing someone can do.
Did you have a problem with this at your wedding/reception?


Edited: MsBoston (Thu 04 Jan 2007 09:11:29 PM GMT)

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Mon 08 Jan 2007 12:01:06 PM CST

DWBride

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

Bumble~ Did you put the information on your website? That will also help to spread the word.....

Edited: DWBride (Mon 08 Jan 2007 06:01:06 PM GMT)

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Mon 08 Jan 2007 12:07:54 PM CST

DaughterRhonda

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From: Jersey City, NJ

Re: Etiquette on Registry

MsBoston wrote: Is it proper ettiquette for people to RSVP and then not show up, especially when they could have said something before your final count? This is for the bride and groom, you deserve whatever you ask for.


Hello! That't the rudest most unettiquette (hey..I just made my own word) thing someone can do.
Did you have a problem with this at your wedding/reception?



As you guys all know I got married in November '06 and we had about 10 people who RSVP'd and didn't show up. I was annoyed! -- It was really inconsiderate. However, at the last minute we added a few people and it worked out ok.
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Edited: DaughterRhonda (Mon 08 Jan 2007 06:07:54 PM GMT)

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Mon 08 Jan 2007 02:38:54 PM CST

Bumblebeekee

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From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

Re: Etiquette on Registry

DWBride wrote: Bumble~ Did you put the information on your website? That will also help to spread the word.....


Yes the registries should be up there....I will double check. I'll also add hotel information...
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Edited: Bumblebeekee (Mon 08 Jan 2007 08:38:54 PM GMT)

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Mon 24 Sep 2007 10:51:41 PM CDT

TiffyB

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From: Atlanta, GA

Re: Etiquette on Registry

While the etiquette rules say that it is improper to include registry information inside of your invitations, how many of you will be doing this? I know those who decide on the etiquette rules say it is best to just spread your registry information by word of mouth, I'm just not sure how successful this will be in the end.

Also, my shower is in December, and my fiance and I will be registering with our chosen stores (Bed, Bath, & Beyond or Linens and Things, Target, and Macy's) in the middle of October. As far as the shower, is it necessary to do a separate registry for this, or does the bridal registry cover both the wedding and the shower? Thanks!

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Edited: TiffyB (Tue 25 Sep 2007 03:51:41 AM GMT)

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Tue 25 Sep 2007 09:48:48 AM CDT

HeCallsMeAbeni

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

And has anyone heard of or made a lingerie registery? My sister and bestfriend are threating me with a bachlorette party and while they know that size I buy I know that other's probably don't or wouldn't think about it until they got to the place. My thing is I know that folks usually bring all that kind of stuff to those kinds of parties so wouldn't it be a good idea to start a registry with the kinds of lingerie you would like and in the correct size? There is nothing worse than a bra that is too small! lol
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Edited: HeCallsMeAbeni (Tue 25 Sep 2007 02:48:48 PM GMT)

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Tue 25 Sep 2007 01:46:38 PM CDT

Ginoue

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From: Orlando, FL

Re: Etiquette on Registry

Miss TiffyB, the registry cover both the shower and the wedding itself. Just be sure to diversify your registry. For example, you could use Macys for all of your formal wear (i.e. china etc) Target for everyday items, bed bath & beyond/linens and things for your baths, linens, misc. items
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Edited: Ginoue (Tue 25 Sep 2007 06:46:38 PM GMT)

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Tue 25 Sep 2007 04:34:53 PM CDT

FutureMrsKeepUp

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From: Chicago, IL

Re: Etiquette on Registry

Yes your registry does cover the shower(s) and wedding. After your shower you may want to review the registry just to make sure everything you received already is off and to add a few things you may have forgotten. Or, if you're like my cousin, add more stuff because people emptied the registry for the shower!

Edited: FutureMrsKeepUp (Tue 25 Sep 2007 09:34:53 PM GMT)

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Tue 25 Sep 2007 05:14:33 PM CDT

Bumblebeekee

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From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

Re: Etiquette on Registry

TiffyB wrote: While the etiquette rules say that it is improper to include registry information inside of your invitations, how many of you will be doing this? I know those who decide on the etiquette rules say it is best to just spread your registry information by word of mouth, I'm just not sure how successful this will be in the end.

Also, my shower is in December, and my fiance and I will be registering with our chosen stores (Bed, Bath, & Beyond or Linens and Things, Target, and Macy's) in the middle of October. As far as the shower, is it necessary to do a separate registry for this, or does the bridal registry cover both the wedding and the shower? Thanks!


TiffyB, in the end you need to do what you think is best. My brother included a small card with the registry information, that was part of the invitation package. Truthfully, I think people just want all the information. Knowing your guests will help with this. I decided to include all the information (wedding colors, location, directions, hotel info, prices, codes, etc) on one sheet that is usually spread by mouth with the invite because people just are not that great with spreading the word. Plus it makes sure everyone gets the same information. Plus our colors were "tiffany blue" and white so we didn't want all the phone calls about information.......If majority of your guests are more formal, and prefer to follow rules of "ettiquite" then you will have to put forth the extra effort to make sure the information is dispersed properly. The key to word of mouth is having someone dedicated to doing that task. If one person is supposed to spread the word and doesn't tell everyone, then its not worth it. But if a close relative is REALLY DEVOTED (traditionally mom of bride) to spreading the word then let them do it. I think because tradition holds that bride parents usually pays for the wedding (if not most of it) they would take responsibility of invites, hotel, colors, attire, and other detailed information, but tradition on who pays has been out the door for years. We paid for everything, so we took on that responsibility as best we knew how. My brother too....the biggest mistake he made was thinking he could bypass sending RSVP's and having everyone mail them, but less than 1/2 the family wanted to deal with email (and are older-much less had an acct) so I basically RSVP's the whole family (mom and dad side) myself, which was pure love but a total headache.


Not trying to scare you but give you some practical information that gives a real-world perspective on things....
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Edited: Bumblebeekee (Tue 25 Sep 2007 10:14:33 PM GMT)

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Tue 25 Sep 2007 09:44:59 PM CDT

TiffyB

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From: Atlanta, GA

Re: Etiquette on Registry

Bumblebeekee, you didn't scare me at all!! Thanks for being so honest and detailed about your own situation, it really helps me out a lot. I definitely would prefer to include the registry info with my invitations, and I do not see my family having a problem with this at all. I think it will be more helpful for everyone involved if I include the information. Both my father and my fiance are paying for the wedding, and my mother passed away 3 years ago, so I don't really trust one person to spread the word about our registry. I also like your idea of including the wedding colors with our invitations.

Thanks Ginoue and FutureMrsKeepUp for the information concerning the bridal/shower registry! Now that I know what I need to do, I am so excited about this part of the wedding planning processSmile

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Edited: TiffyB (Wed 26 Sep 2007 02:44:59 AM GMT)

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Wed 26 Sep 2007 08:15:47 AM CDT

IvyPrincess

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

I'm curious (probably because I haven't thought that far ahead) why do you put the wedding colors in the invitation
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Edited: IvyPrincess (Wed 26 Sep 2007 01:15:47 PM GMT)

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Wed 26 Sep 2007 02:13:48 PM CDT

TiffyB

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

Well, sometimes there are people who like to wear the wedding color(s)! This is the only reason I know of! Are there some other reasons that I am not aware of?

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Edited: TiffyB (Wed 26 Sep 2007 07:13:48 PM GMT)

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Thu 27 Sep 2007 08:57:06 AM CDT

pamcrow

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Re: Etiquette on Registry

TiffyB wrote: Well, sometimes there are people who like to wear the wedding color(s)! This is the only reason I know of! Are there some other reasons that I am not aware of?


Sometimes it's just the opposite. Some guest want to be sure not to wear those colors. That's what one of my guests told me when they wanted to know my colors. Normally though, it's close friends and family that will dress in the wedding colors. Those people who have a role in wedding (such as soloist, coordinator, etc.) also wear the colors alot.

Some people also like to buy gifts & cards in the wedding colors. I was amazed at how many cards I received that matched my wedding colors. I guess it will make for good scrapbooking...LOL
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Edited: pamcrow (Thu 27 Sep 2007 01:57:06 PM GMT)

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Fri 28 Sep 2007 02:08:10 PM CDT

Bumblebeekee

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From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

Re: Etiquette on Registry

Many people enjoyed knowing our wedding colors ahead of time....I guess its good for those who will be in the pictures, like family, extended family. When we took our pictures with the family in the church, it just looked so nice because more than 90% of our family members in the pictures were wearing the colors or a close version of them so the pictures had and extra "something too it". It made them look nice in my opinion. We were not aiming for this before the wedding, but after seeing the family pics, we were like wow! It looks so good because everyone was kind of coordinated, but not in a matchy matchy kind of way.

The same goes for gift wrapping. We got a lot of gifts wrapped in white and silver, and the tiffany blue also...
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Edited: Bumblebeekee (Fri 28 Sep 2007 07:09:33 PM GMT)

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Fri 04 Mar 2011 03:59:37 PM CST - In response to soontobebride

jr_bride2011

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Posts: 12

Re:Re: Etiquette on Registry

I am shocked by how many Weddings and Graduations have turned into "GRABBING FOR GIFTS and Panhandling for CASH"
Judith Martin - Miss Manners Says:





It is considered rude to put "cash only gifts", or other wording meaning the same thing on the invitation.
You're not supposed to put registry information on your wedding invitation. It's left up to friends and family to inform everyone. However, you can put gift information on an insert in your bridal shower invitations. Miss Manners Says: If you have a personal wedding website with info for bridal party and guests (and gift registry info), you can include an insert with the link to your website in your wedding invitation but please make sure there are engagement photos and couples information on the website so the entire site is not begging for gifts.
You're not required to open your gifts at the shower or reception or in front of anyone.
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Sun 06 Mar 2011 02:44:07 PM CST - In response to jr_bride2011

Rosetta

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Re:Re:Re: Etiquette on Registry

Sound advice jr bride. I included a registry card as well. It did help, however people will still call up your parents and if you are independent they will call you and ask where you are registered. Many registries offer free registry cards to the bride and groom to make spreading the word easier.
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