I'm not happy that we had to invite my fiance's boss. I tried to make sure that my wedding would be of family and close friends only. I don't understand that rule of having to invite your immediate boss. Did any other brides do this? Did you want to?

It would be unbelievably rude not to send an invitation to his boss. It sends a negative message to the person that is controlling your future husband's paycheck. Why mess with that. He may not even show up, but he will send a gift. Think of bonuses or even if your hubby is up for a promotion and the boss thinks, "He didn't even have the class to invite me to his wedding!" Do you still think he would get the promotion? Networking is EVERYTHING!

You probably won't even notice him and his 5th wife over there in the corner anyway! lol

First welcome to the site.....secondly ummmmmm....who says you have to invite your boss to the wedding? Who says you have to invite ANYONE that you don't want to invite to your wedding? If you're paying for it....you can invite whoever you want.....I've never heard of that one before...it's you and your husbands day....you are paying for it....so if you all don't want the boss there....then don't....You'll hear alot of "you're not supposed to's"...and "etiquette rules" from people. Like the ladies say on this board....YOUR DAY...YOUR WAY!!!.....

Rosetta wrote:

It would be unbelievably rude not to send an invitation to his boss. It sends a negative message to the person that is controlling your future husband's paycheck. Why mess with that. He may not even show up, but he will send a gift. Think of bonuses or even if your hubby is up for a promotion and the boss thinks, "He didn't even have the class to invite me to his wedding!" Do you still think he would get the promotion? Networking is EVERYTHING!

You probably won't even notice him and his 5th wife over there in the corner anyway! lol

I didn't think of that way Rosie, but I still feel that if the boss is not wanted there, I don't think he should be invited. Now if he likes his boss then fine. But I know if I had a sucky boss that I didn't like I wouldn't invite him to one of the most important days of my life where only good friends and family are supposed to be....but that's just me....

I have like 4 bosses or higher-ups when you consider my major professor, my internship bosses, and the bosses for my other job! We decided to invite my major professor, the former dean of our college (a personal friend)-who was also his BIG BOSS. His GM is his immediate boss and friend.

I think that if you are close to your bosses, you should invite them. If your working realtionship causes you to work long hours or have to spend a lot of time with them, then you should invite them. If you are not that close, invite them late!

I'm inviting my boss. We're very cool though. FH is not inviting his boss.

ladies, rude is rude. Because we think something isn't rude sure 'nuff don't make it polite. If there will be more than 25 people at your wedding send the boss an invite!

I don't plan on inviting my boss. We don't have that type of relationship, not that my boss is horrible or anything, but it's just not like that. But if you are good with your's I don't see the problem at all. The only thing I have an issue with is the you "have" to invite your boss thing. BUT different strokes for different folks...again that's just my little bit of an opinion...lol...

Thanks ladies for all of the replies. *sigh* It really helps to have all sorts of opinions to put my own in perspective.

soontobebride wrote:

First welcome to the site.....

thanks. I'm a part time lurker.

That's what this site is about, and that's why I love it. If you have a problem, question, issue, or just vent, everyone can comment on it, give their opinion or whatever, and you can make your own decision based off of all the info., and other opinions you get from the ladies on here. I was also a lurker for a while before I actually joined.....lol...

Rosie, I agree with you. If he has a job then maybe the oversight will not be noticed. However, if he has a career, then it might be and it may make a big difference later on. While it is 1 of the most important day of your lives, it is still 1 day. This is someone who could effect the rest of your life. Say promotion time comes around and fh is up against someone equally as talented and qualified. You may wish you'd bit the bullet and sent the invite. This is how people network in business and it cld make all the difference. In a perfect world, this wld nt be needed but this is nt a perfect world. Again he may nt come but send a monetary gift. With all the people there, you are not expected to sit and entertain the 1 person but it cld nt hurt.

I feel differently, and I was contemplating the very same thought (in one of my many wedding dreams.) Untill recently I worked for a dentist, and grew very close to the other employees there (3), and I really wanted to invite the employees, but not him. I though that it would be so rude to exclude him...he did invite me to his sons bar mitzfa (I know that not how you spell it but i'm not jewish)But then I slapped my self...I'm not going to be handing out sympathy invites. If I don't want to invite someone...I'm not going to. That way I don't have to be fake, with fake "hellos" fake "glad you made it" and fake "thanks for coming". Yes I agree that can be considered rude, but who may I ask is taking my feelings (the bride) into consideration? I do acknowlege that if boss man has your FH's career in the palm of his hands...by all means invite him. If not, and you guys (both) don't see the need...by golly leave the man out.

I'm with Rosie on this one. I don't this its rude as much as it is career-suicide. Office politics don't stay at the office. I'm inviting enough people from my job that it will be noticeable if my boss doesn't get an invite. Plus he's an okay guy.

There's another issue here that seems more important. Classy isn't upset about having to invite HER boss, she's upset because FH wants to invite HIS boss. Since HE wants to invite HIS boss to HIS wedding I don't really see why you should take issue, Classy, you're not the only one getting married and it's not your career on the line. I hear you on the family and friends vibe but this is the first of many compromises in your life as a couple and a relatively insignificant one at that. Pick your battles, i mean, really!

WHOA I guess I'm trippin' because I'm wondering what type of bosses these are that would stop your life-time growth in a career because they weren't invited to an employee's wedding. BUT then again I guess there are some people in the world that would be mean enough to do something like that. Everyone's situation is different, you know your boss, you know the relationship you do or don't have with him/her, so you have to base it off that. For us we are still battling over the family and friends we are going to invite, because FH family is big, my family is big, and we both have alot of good friends not to mention my church family, it's hard enough trying to decide who all we can afford to invite, so inviting my boss was not even in the equation. But Musik did bring up a point, it's HIS boss, so unless you are in my situation where you have to draw the line somewhere, or run the risk of this becoming a huge arguement between you and your FH then maybe you need to consider just letting him invite his boss...

Thank you , I have got alot of good opinions just from reading this thread. I too have been trying to figure out how I feel about inviting people at my job. What I have read regarding etiguette is if you invite even one co worker you must invite your boss. If you don't invite anyone then that is fine too. I think im gonna just send out a email lol and see who is interested.

See, worrying about stuff like this originally made us want to elope in Hawaii and send everyone a "Wish you were here...and Oh by the way we got Married!" postcard. I understand both sides of the story. It may be seen as rude for not inviting the boss, but the truth of the matter is...it really sucks to have to be "forced" to send people an invite. This is how you get that extra $$ spent at the reception because all the sympathy invites that were sent were all responded to and they ALL decided to come.
I hate that feeling of having to have someone there because you "know" them and deal with them all the time so you feel like you have to invite them, only to get even more aggravated for having them come. I would pull out my hair if I had to bite my tongue and really act like MsBoston said about pretending to be glad someone came....just thinking of having to do that in order to not be rude makes me want to really....THROW....UP. It disgusts me to the core. I'd rather walk through a stinky zoo than be a fake and a phony....this is the world we live in......

When people find out I'm getting married the first thing they do is ask where is my invite or am I invited? I don't even know you, and sometimes you've treated me like you didn't know or like me (bosses included) and now you ask me what? Say what? Thats why I keeps my business to myself. Right now, my new internship director/manager doesn't know I am getting married, and if it wasn't for my major professor who told the whole department at school, they would not have known either. And some loudmouth told her....So I ended up having to invite her, because she asked.....I don't hate her or dislike her. Infact there are many great attributes about her and she's helped me, but she is not my favorite person due to attitude, but because of her help I have come so far (but at the cost of much belittlement and meanness. She is the only person I know who used to return kindness with nasty remarks)....so there you have it....it sucks.


(Sorry to be on a soapbox, but this really aggravates me!)

soontobebride wrote:

WHOA I guess I'm trippin' because I'm wondering what type of bosses these are that would stop your life-time growth in a career because they weren't invited to an employee's wedding. BUT then again I guess there are some people in the world that would be mean enough to do something like that. Everyone's situation is different, you know your boss, you know the relationship you do or don't have with him/her, so you have to base it off that. For us we are still battling over the family and friends we are going to invite, because FH family is big, my family is big, and we both have alot of good friends not to mention my church family, it's hard enough trying to decide who all we can afford to invite, so inviting my boss was not even in the equation. But Musik did bring up a point, it's HIS boss, so unless you are in my situation where you have to draw the line somewhere, or run the risk of this becoming a huge arguement between you and your FH then maybe you need to consider just letting him invite his boss...

FH's boss's boss (does that make sense?) is sooooo petty, no one will tell her that we live together because she would try to find ways to get FH fired or make his job and his boss's job hell for hiring a shacker. Yup. Sad, but true. So, FH's immediate boss has been covering for him and telling her we stay in the same town, not the same house.

Now that's a darn shame!

I sont think I am inviting my boss because I just started a new job, I am currently uncertain if my fh will be inviting his boss.

Congrats on the new job, house!

Thanks so much Askalot. I do however want to ask some of those doctors to come to the wedding, but dont think I can afford to add anyone else. Fh just might kill me.

ClassyCounselor wrote:

FH's boss's boss (does that make sense?) is sooooo petty, no one will tell her that we live together because she would try to find ways to get FH fired or make his job and his boss's job hell for hiring a shacker. Yup. Sad, but true. So, FH's immediate boss has been covering for him and telling her we stay in the same town, not the same house.

I knew it wasn't as simple as you made it out to be at first. So isn't this an even better reason to invite this woman who cares so much about who's livin "in sin" and who isn't?

housewife147 wrote:

Thanks so much Askalot. I do however want to ask some of those doctors to come to the wedding, but dont think I can afford to add anyone else. Fh just might kill me.

CHI-CHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

I agree with Rosie on this. I wasn't planning on inviting my current boss.But now, I will send an invitation out of common courtesy. I really don't expect anyone to show up from my job because the office is 425+ miles away from where I live. I will,however, send invitations to my former boss, dispatchers, and some of my former fellow drivers. (My former place of employment is where I met my FH).

I'm confused classy. Why wld you not want to invite someone who has been kind enough to cover for your Fh when it cld have cost him his position? If I'm understanding the situation correctly. Like ,,what kind of gratitude is that?

So invite the immediate boss and not the boss of the boss. If I'm not mistaken.

Musikana wrote:

FH's boss's boss (does that make sense?) is sooooo petty, no one will tell her that we live together because she would try to find ways to get FH fired or make his job and his boss's job hell for hiring a shacker. Yup. Sad, but true. So, FH's immediate boss has been covering for him and telling her we stay in the same town, not the same house.


I knew it wasn't as simple as you made it out to be at first. So isn't this an even better reason to invite this woman who cares so much about who's livin "in sin" and who isn't?

His immediate boss doesn't care about it, but lies just to go with the flow. It's the Vice president that meddles in everyone's business who hates shacking. I was questioning why I should invite the immediate boss, not the vice president.

Bumblebeekee wrote:

So invite the immediate boss and not the boss of the boss. If I'm not mistaken.

I have no say in the decision since it was already made. I turned to yall ladies for clarity - that yall provided nicely. I guess I was just acting like a brat because I only wanted certain people there and that's not how it's going to be.

Bump. I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since this question has been discussed and it's such a good question. I didn't invite any co-workers or bosses and neither did my hubby. We wanted to keep it strictly family and close friends...this allows for a very intimate event. I thought it was especially good that they would have had to fly to the Virgin Islands to attend. (Thank you, Jesus, another reason I'm grateful I was born there. )) If we had the wedding here in Maryland, we MAY have invited them, though, cause I know some would want to attend. I say "may" because, for my mental well-being, I don't want to be thinking about work when I'm off and enjoying myself (and that time is so short) and being around co-workers/bosses when it's your time-off does that. However, working with people closely, I think I would feel badly coming back to work after my wedding (a huge life event), and sharing photos/stories if they (co-workers/bosses) were nearby and could have attended ('cause you know they ask questions regardless.) I'm interested in what some of the newer brides did and what the brides-to-be are planning to do. I know everyone is going to be different.

VIPrincessBride wrote:

I didn't invite any co-workers or bosses and neither did my hubby. We wanted to keep it strictly family and close friends.

I agree, Princess.
We didn't invite anyone from work, either. It was a close knit, family & immediate friends event only. In our industry of work, the less you "take home", the better. Besides, if we invited anyone from work, every one else (who didn't get an invite) would feel shunned. My DH & I weren't that close with our bosses, which also made the decision easy. While the ladies at work, did throw me an office shower, I wrote them all a heartfelt thank you. Plus, they knew months beforehand that I wasn't throwing an all-out ceremony, so I was ready for whatever. The argument that "not inviting your boss could hinder your work environment/promotion"...the same concern should be considered for any of your co-workers. You don't know which of your co-workers would be promoted (or become your boss) within that time frame, if you were looking at it, from that standpoint. This would be the last thing I'd worry about when planning my wedding.

A lot has changed for me. Being in my career, I am so fortunate that I work with a GREAT staff, and only a COUPLE of people that I am O-K with. I would have invited all of the women I worked with. Knowing that only a few of them would attend. But for me, its something I WANT to do...I still feel like no one should be forced to do it...BUT if you and your boss are close, like me and mine are, then you SHOULD invite the BOSS. If not, man, I'm like Cinny, keep some stuff at work....Many people are not as fortunate to have a great work environment, but it shouldn't be a BIG deal. If you are worried, ask yourself, is your co-worker or even BOSS someone you would consider a friend? My boss and I are the only black nutritionists in our area, so we became friends fast. My other co-workers are also for the most part my friends...Even the ones I am O-K with, I would invite because I don't HATE them, they just bother me...but not even so much anymore...but ladies, PLEASE don't lose any sleep on this one!

I didn't invite my boss when I got married. There was a reorginazation in the company and the woman I reported to (which is why I am now working for a different company) hated my guts. I did however invite 6 of my co-workers and my hubby invited a few of his as well. It worked out well for us. If I had a different realationship with my immediate supervisor at the time, I would've invited her.

We're inviting a few co-workers. My boss doesn't care for me and the feeling is mutual.

VIPrincessBride wrote:

We wanted to keep it strictly family and close friends...this allows for a very intimate event. I thought it was especially good that they would have had to fly to the Virgin Islands to attend. (Thank you, Jesus, another reason I'm grateful I was born there. )) If we had the wedding here in Maryland, we MAY have invited them, though, cause I know some would want to attend. I say "may" because, for my mental well-being, I don't want to be thinking about work when I'm off and enjoying myself (and that time is so short) and being around co-workers/bosses when it's your time-off does that.

You get a get out of jail free card 'cause you had a destination wedding. Also keeping it exclusively family and CLOSE friends, not co-workers would make a snub like not inviting the boss an easy one to over look. Besides, he may be the only one classy enough to give a gift that didn't come from the dollar store.

Rosetta wrote:

You get a get out of jail free card 'cause you had a destination wedding. Also keeping it exclusively family and CLOSE friends, not co-workers would make a snub like not inviting the boss an easy one to over look. Besides, he may be the only one classy enough to give a gift that didn't come from the dollar store.

LOL! Thanks, Rosie. Yeah, for destination weddings! Yep, I stay naughty, so I need all the "out of jail" free cards I can get. D