I had intended on walking down the aisle by myself. my brother and son are the only ones i would want to walk me down, but my brother is deployed (iraq) and my son is a groomsman.

This may sound silly, but i was just practicing walking in my heels, and realized that if i don't want to make a complete idiot of myself, i am going to need some help getting down the aisle. The only other person for me to ask is my "step father". He has been that for 22 years, but i have never liked him and he has never liked me. I never liked the way he treats my mother, he is a bully, and even physically abused me when i was younger, but the emotional abuse was the worst. My brother, who is his natural child, has permanent emotional scars from the way he was treated, which we discussed in great detail before he was deployed.

Everyone says it is the "right" thing to do to ask him to walk me down the aisle cause he has been my "step father" for 22 years and i have never even met my biological father. I really don't know if i can (physically) make it down that aisle alone. I never wear heels, and my dress is long as well. Please advise.

listen sweetnlow, my father was only in my life for the first eight years and im 27 now. Everyone is asking me if im gonna ask him to walk me down the aisle and my answer is no. How could a person give you away if they never really claimed you to begin with. So I decided to walk down the aisle by myself.

I hear you sweetnlow but in your case my opinion is I would rather ditch the heels rather then allow a person like that to walk me down the aisle on my big day. I could not even consider it for the simple fact that he does not even like me. Shoot girl you are a better person then I am because if it was me he would not even be there. My mother and my siblings are the the most important people in my life and if someone disrespects them they are disrespecting me and I just cant allow a person like that to share my day with me. Not to mention he abused you and your family. I know thats not the person I would want standing next to me in my wedding photos. Everytime I decide to look at those pictures it will just be an hurtful reminder of the way things use to be.

Thats just my opinion if I was in your situation. Im praying for you to come up with a solution that is gonna make your day extra special... go with your heart and not with what other people think is right for you to do.

I absolutely agree with sensationablyhappy on this issue. Are there any other members of your family who could walk you down the aisle? What about your mother? I just feel as strongly as sensationablyhappy on this one, like I'd rather walk barefoot than have a man who has caused such pain not only to me, but the people I love most to play such an important role on my wedding day. And everyone who says that "this is the right thing to do because he is your stepfather," are they aware what happened in the past? If so, I don't even understand how they can possibly say this to you. But if you honestly feel that you cannot make it down the aisle on your own, and you must wear the shoes that you have, just think long and hard about another person who you actually like, and who actually likes you, to play such an important role on your special day. It just seems like pretty much anyone else would be a better option, and the only reason you would choose your stepfather is because of his title, and the pressure of others. In the end this is your decision, this is only how I feel about your situation. I will certainly pray for you in dealing with such a difficult decision. God will see you through this!

Totally agree with Sensationablyhappy and TiffyB... your wedding is supposed to be a special day with joyful memories. I can't see how you can be joyful when you'll be taking your walk into marriagehood with someone who did not only abuse you but didn't respect the sanctity of his own marriage.

Overall, the decision should be yours and nobody elses as you have to live through the experience as well as live with the memories and pictures forever...

the only reason he is even invited is because he and my mom are still married, and she has done so much for me in life and with this wedding, i don't want to hurt her feelings. everyone in my family knows how i was treated coming up, they even wanted to try to take custody of me because i was living in another state and they knew how miserable i was. but now some of my family is saying "if you don't ask him to do it then you shouldn't ask anyone" alot of them have tolerated him better over the past few years because he became saved, but it's hard for me to forgive a person who never showed remorse or even apologized for the way he treated me.

i don't mind walking by myself. i may have to ditch the heels, i just got the highest ones i could stand so my dress would not drag too much or get the dress hemmed a little. i was just advised not to hem the dress, but maybe i need to start being a little more assertive when it comes to my wedding.

In my opinion, Sweetnlow, I would not even consider your stepfather to walk you across the street. He doesn't seem worthy of the honor of walking you down the aisle. It is definitely not the right thing to do. Everyone has an opinion, but the bottom line is it is your wedding.

I just attended my cousin's wedding and she didn't have a good relationship with her dad. She walked down the aisle by herself. That could be an option for you as well, if not consider having your mom, sister or god parent. This is your day, do it your way. If you are a little shaky in your heels girlfriend, take your time and ease on down that aisle! Good luck in whatever you decide.

Here are a couple solutions. Have your mom walk you down the aisle. I have seen that done at a couple weddings and it was beautiful. Or have your a couple little girls (like 7 or so) walk down the aisle with you and hold up your dress so that you don't trip on it. You could also have your son walk you down the aisle and then go stand with the groomsman. If you have an uneven number of bridesmaids have the last best man walk down the aisle with 2 ladies instead of one.

Sweetnlow ditch those shoes and walk happily ALONE to meet you FH! Or have your mom walk you - but still ditch the shoes! Even if you decide to have your stepfather walk you - ditch the heels! I am an avid stiletto wearer but the health of my feet come 1st. Maybe you can find a comfortable shoe with a wedge heel or something but PLEASE don't limp down the aisle!

I agree! Your mother could do it, you could go barefoot by yourself, or have your son do it.

My 12 year son is walking me down ...and after he and my daughters give me away, he will still stand on the side with the bestmen (I have 2 bestmen no groomsmen). My Dad is doing the ceremony ...and since my children approve of my FH I wanted them to do the honor.

I agree with all of the ladies here. If you don't think you could handle the heel height walking alone, may I suggest changing to a wedge heel. One of my MOH wore a gorgeous wedge heel shoe with her dress. I'll try to find a pic to post for you.

Another idea is to have your son perform double duty. He could escort you and once the preacher asks "who gives this woman to be married", he can say "I Do" and then fall into place with the other groomsmen. He could escort whoever you planned him to escort and then circle back to come get you. If executed right, that could work out nicely.

pamcrow wrote:

Another idea is to have your son perform double duty. He could escort you and once the preacher asks "who gives this woman to be married", he can say "I Do" and then fall into place with the other groomsmen. He could escort whoever you planned him to escort and then circle back to come get you. If executed right, that could work out nicely.

This could definitely work. At my cousin's wedding her brother escorted their mom, circled back and escorted their grandmother, circled back again and came dowm the aisle with a BM as a GM. We didn't even realized we seen him so many times!

I agree with the ladies, he would not even be an option. Althought the aisle seems very long I think you can make it fine by yourself. You could even have you fh meet you half way downt the aisle, like one of the ladies said.

I agree with the other ladies. If you were you, I would either walk alone, ask my mother or someone else to walk me down the aisle. As for everyone else's opinion about your step father, remember, it's YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY.

Sweetnlow, what have you decided?

have to go with the majority...you don't have to have him walk you down the isle-this is YOUR day YOUR way...why pretend??? this is suppose to be a joyous occasion and you don't need anything/anyone killing your joy! the ladies have given you some great alternatives--use them and NOT him!

the only reason i didnt consider my son is because i was planning on letting him walk my fh's mother down to her seat and then take his place as a groomsman. fh's father will be there with his girlfriend and i didn't want his mother to walk alone.

should i let my son pull triple duty or ask one of the ushers (who are friends of my son) walk fh's mother down the aisle?

Walk down the aisle with your mother girl! One of my best friends did that earlier this year and it was beautiful! She does not get on with her dad at all and her brother is almost disowned from the family so she went against tradition and asked her mother to walk her down the aisle.
Her mother then made a wonderful speech during the reception - real tearjerker!!

Don't let anyone spoil your day - that means if you are not comfortable walking down with stepdad, then DON'T DO IT!! Sorry to shout, but the girls are right! x

My advice to you is to walk down the aisle proudly with your mother. You said it yourself on several occasions that your mother has always been there for you. Acknowledge the fact that she's the one you can always lean on and walk proudly down the aisle with your mother.

Sweetnlow74 when you walk down that aisle; you want it to be with someone you love, trust, and respect. Someone who you believes has your best interest at heart, know the importance of this day, and shares your joy. It could be a best friend, co-worker, church mother, church member, boss, son, etc. I really don't think your step-father fits the criteria.

I think your mother escorting you would be beautiful. But to be cautious, if your step-father is physically abusive to your mother then that may be adding fuel to his sick fire.

Tewright1 wrote:

Sweetnlow74 when you walk down that aisle; you want it to be with someone you love, trust, and respect. Someone who you believes has your best interest at heart, know the importance of this day, and shares your joy. It could be a best friend, co-worker, church mother, church member, boss, son, etc. I really don't think your step-father fits the criteria.

I think your mother escorting you would be beautiful. But to be cautious, if your step-father is physically abusive to your mother then that may be adding fuel to his sick fire.

well she says he has never physically abused her, but if i ask her, you are absolutely right, he would give her a hard time for a very, very long time. this man gets mad at her if i discuss ANYTHING with her without his knowing about it, so she has to tell him everything! i don't want to put her in that position. i know it should not be that way, that i can't even ask my own mother to walk me down the aisle without fear of her being repremanded, but i don't want to cause her any problems.

I think you should have and usher escort your fmil down the aisle, and have your son escort you.

housewife147 wrote:

I think you should have and usher escort your fmil down the aisle, and have your son escort you.

Ditto to that... Or walk alone minus the heels

Whatever you decide, all the best...

sweetnlow74 wrote:

Sweetnlow74 when you walk down that aisle; you want it to be with someone you love, trust, and respect. Someone who you believes has your best interest at heart, know the importance of this day, and shares your joy. It could be a best friend, co-worker, church mother, church member, boss, son, etc. I really don't think your step-father fits the criteria.

I think your mother escorting you would be beautiful. But to be cautious, if your step-father is physically abusive to your mother then that may be adding fuel to his sick fire.


well she says he has never physically abused her, but if i ask her, you are absolutely right, he would give her a hard time for a very, very long time. this man gets mad at her if i discuss ANYTHING with her without his knowing about it, so she has to tell him everything! i don't want to put her in that position. i know it should not be that way, that i can't even ask my own mother to walk me down the aisle without fear of her being repremanded, but i don't want to cause her any problems.

I'm going to pray for your mother as well. This man is mentally abusive to her if he gets mad because she has a discussion with her child. It sounds like he has some insecurities within himself. He shouldn't be mad if you ask your mom to walk you down the aisle. You haven't had a good relationship with him anyway. Pray for him. I hope I didn't offend you.

absolutely no offense platinum, i respect your honesty. and yes, we all need prayer! i think i've decided to let my son walk me down the aisle and let one of my ushers escort fmil.

Good for you...

Sweetnlow74, I am glad you reached a decision with this. Your son will be so excited!

Glad to hear you reached a decision. I sure your son will feel honored. I will pray for you and your mom also.

thank you pamcrow and all of you ladies. isn't it funny how something as simple as a pair of high-heels can bring up such deep rooted underlying issues?