Has anyone actually PLANNED their children? My FIL CLAIMS all his children were planned, so FH definitely believes it should be planned....that being said, how do you know...."okay yeah, lets start trying". I mean you hear the celebrities and TV folks talking about...oh yeah we are trying, but who wakes up one morning and says, "lets work on Making Babies starting today?" I mean, just school me here parents....

Bumble remember and understand this ....You will NEVER be financially ready for a baby, if you wait on that -the time will never come.

As couples grow together they get excited about expanding the family is what I think...and for some one is enough. I have 3 of which I love all 3 to pieces however at the same time sometimes I do wish I didn't have to spread myself so. I wish that I could give what I'm giving 3 -all to one.

I do understand your reservation though truly I do ...it's just that I started early when mothers are so naive about how much work it is to be a mother, meaning I also wasn't worried about money bc if I was I would be in the same boat with you.

Bumblebeekee wrote:

but who wakes up one morning and says, "lets work on Making Babies starting today?" I mean, just school me here parents....

Girl that actually happens ALOT !! Me and DH tried for a while about two years ago but after a couple of months we gave up. Because my periods are so irregular, my doctor put me on something to help me ovulate and then we had to wait until certain days to try and then we had to try every other day. Girl it was crazy, girlfriend was tired!! It wasn't fun anymore, felt more like a chore. We gave up after a few months of trying. We don't use BC and we are leaving it in the hands of God. If it's meant to be it will be but I sure hope if God chooses to bless us with another child (I only have one, he has 4) that he does it soon. I just turned 36 and I know the older you get the more risks involved.

I will leave the baby makin' to my vibride sisters. My daughter is a high school senior and that is too much of a difference to start all over again. I am 41 and I'm not trying to go down that road again -- unless of course God has other plans for me. LOL!!!!!

You sound kinda serious Rhony ...LOL

DaughterRhonda wrote:

I will leave the baby makin' to my vibride sisters. My daughter is a high school senior and that is too much of a difference to start all over again. I am 41 and I'm not trying to go down that road again -- unless of course God has other plans for me. LOL!!!!!

I'm with you! My son is 16 I couldn't imagine starting over.

Well, I can't wait to start trying! I'm 29 now but I've been broody since the age of 23! I wanted to be so organised that I even suggested to FH that we start trying a month before the wedding so that we can make an announcement at the wedding....but then I realised I won't be able to drink at the wedding!! I think I also have to remember that you can't just click your fingers and become pregnant - it mighht take ages! I think the plan is just to start trying as soon as the wedding is over....

My son was "planned" for 2001 but I had him in 2000. I got pregnant on the pill. My daughter - we talked about but I said not until we were married. We used prayer as BC though! Don't laugh - it worked for 2 years!

You'll never be ready for all that comes with a child so you just "plan" to start when you are ready to make your best attempt at being a parent.

Turiya, I'm as serious as can be -- LOL!!!

Sweetnlow I hear ya (my daughter is 17)!

Future, prayer as BC -- girl I'm sorry I gotta laugh -- too funny!!!

Turiya, you hit it right on the nail sister!!!

We're planning by default. Because of complications that could happen in the future, my Dr wanted me to start trying ASAP. It kind of knocked the wind out of my sails. FI are waiting until we're married for anything intimate and I could have just died when he told me that.

I've been praying that I will be able to have children. We'll probably start trying honeymoon night although I TRUELY wanted to wait a few years. I know that having children changes everything about everything completely and honestly I don't want those changes (waking up in the middle of the night, a lack of privacy, constantly running around, finacial strain) right now.

HeCallsMeAbeni wrote:

I know that having children changes everything about everything completely and honestly I don't want those changes (waking up in the middle of the night, a lack of privacy, constantly running around, finacial strain) right now.

Chile that list is wwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy tooo short!

LOL!!! i know...and I know it's selfish as heck to think it but I feel some kinda way knowing I've been working to lose weight only to get pregnant and gain it back maybe plus some, get stretch marks in places I never had before, to have my nose sprrrrrrrrread all the way out (my mom has NO pictures of her pregnant because of that issue)plus the monster boobs that will occur...I'm scared that I'm going to get that belly bag...that pouch of skin that results from the baby stretching out everything....

There's something wrong with that. Why can't FI get stretched or baggy or something!

all of this is true HeCallsMeAbeni-BUT trust me it is all worth it!! I think the greatest thing in life besides being a child of God is being a mother!! and if God graces you with that honor, it will be a great reward! (even though they WILL work your nerves sometimes!) LOL

soon2bmsj wrote:

all of this is true HeCallsMeAbeni-BUT trust me it is all worth it!!

Soon2b you are so right. I wear my stretch marks like a badge of honor. Well at least the ones that came from childbirth..LOL

[quote="pamcrow
Soon2b you are so right. I wear my stretch marks like a badge of honor. Well at least the ones that came from childbirth..LOL

LOL!! I know...because some of these I got DID not come from childbirth!! and I can't say I am still carrying "pregancy fat" beause my son will be 8 yrs old in 9 days!!

LOL!!! You ladies are too funny!

I have a few badge of honors myself(from childbirth and more -- LOL!!)

Well I got a badge too, but I ain't honored to have them....I guess I am looking forward to putting the strechmarks off on a pregnancy....But for right now....as far as we're concerned....I will deny their existence LOL...

Ya'll are making some good points....I also feel selfish...because I cannot imagine a child in my life right now....When did it come to this? Childbearing used to be good omen, now, I have nightmares about becoming pregnant....When someone gets pregnant, I can hear some people muttering, even if she is married! As if she killed someone or was caught cheating on her husband....Even my mom is like....oh you better wait....I get nervous because I have all these expectations to achieve this or that in my career, and people constantly say, don't have a baby...as if life for the parents stop....I know it takes extra energy to say the least...but can't we still have both? Can't we be moms and still move up in our careers?....My husband even said that if I ended up making more $$, he'd retire and be a house husband....I said great (but was thinking...we'll see how long that lasts...lol)!

Bumble it IS HARD as hell to being a mom and still trying to better her family ... I'm 30 in school FULL TIME, work FULL TIME, have 3 kids(that ALL 3 have different hobbies and after school this or that), 3 dogs, getting married in 17 days ...it's a natural born beast! And I see NOTHING WRONG with wanting to get settled in your career before starting a family ...God knows I wish I hadda ..but HIS perfect plan for me is PERFECT that way it is. When HE sees fit for you to have children, you will be more than ready babe ...

Turiya wrote:

Bumble it IS HARD as hell to being a mom and still trying to better her family ... I'm 30 in school FULL TIME, work FULL TIME, have 3 kids(that ALL 3 have different hobbies and after school this or that), 3 dogs, getting married in 17 days ...it's a natural born beast! And I see NOTHING WRONG with wanting to get settled in your career before starting a family ...God knows I wish I hadda ..but HIS perfect plan for me is PERFECT that way it is. When HE sees fit for you to have children, you will be more than ready babe ...

Thanks....I am praying I will be! You are like my mom (my hero)....It was 3 of us, and we all had something we had to do....Like her, (and I am not ashamed to say it), your children will show you another type of success: They will all be highly educated, driven, God-Fearing, and intelligent....(High education does ALWAYS equal intelligent)....Everytime my mom gets frustrated about not accomplishing this or that, I thank her for sacrificing herself so that between the three of us, there would be 4 degrees and counting (me and brother have an MS, and my sister is graduating in 2009 from FAMU, and plans to get her MS....making the grand total to be 6...7 after I get my PhD).....I also thank her for spreading herself thin physically and financially so we would be smart enough and well-rounded enought to get in school....so hang in there....you are really a hero to your children....even if they don't kmow it ...yet.

Don't have any badges - sorry ladies! LOL! You'd be surprised what you are capable of once you become a mother. I worried that I wouldn't love my daughter the way, or as much as, I love my son because it was just he and I for so long. People looked at me all kinds of ways for that. But when that little lady arrived - WHOA! Besides the love of God - NO GREATER LOVE! I would do, and have done, anything for my children.

I got my BS but got preg with my son right after. I couldn't find an engineering job so used my Math minor to do social work (so I know what you're going through Bumble!). I decided to use my degree but fell into a catch 22, no experience-no job. But how could I get experience if they wouldn't give me a job? I went back to school FT and worked two jobs, 7 days a week, for 18 months. Everyone had my son but me. It was a hell of a sacrifice but I knew I wanted better for my son. Now I have my son, daughter, STB husband, a new home, and am just working on being a good wife and mother (while reducing debt and building wealth)! Heck, I'm even on the PTA!

Bumblebeekee wrote:

Bumble it IS HARD as hell to being a mom and still trying to better her family ... I'm 30 in school FULL TIME, work FULL TIME, have 3 kids(that ALL 3 have different hobbies and after school this or that), 3 dogs, getting married in 17 days ...it's a natural born beast! And I see NOTHING WRONG with wanting to get settled in your career before starting a family ...God knows I wish I hadda ..but HIS perfect plan for me is PERFECT that way it is. When HE sees fit for you to have children, you will be more than ready babe ...


Thanks....I am praying I will be! You are like my mom (my hero)....It was 3 of us, and we all had something we had to do....Like her, (and I am not ashamed to say it), your children will show you another type of success: They will all be highly educated, driven, God-Fearing, and intelligent....(High education does ALWAYS equal intelligent)....Everytime my mom gets frustrated about not accomplishing this or that, I thank her for sacrificing herself so that between the three of us, there would be 4 degrees and counting (me and brother have an MS, and my sister is graduating in 2009 from FAMU, and plans to get her MS....making the grand total to be 6...7 after I get my PhD).....I also thank her for spreading herself thin physically and financially so we would be smart enough and well-rounded enought to get in school....so hang in there....you are really a hero to your children....even if they don't kmow it ...yet.

Bumble-I'm speechless! Thank you

So am I! You ladies are awesome and I'm sure your parents are proud of you. Your children will appreciate the sacrifices that you have made. Just awesome!!!!!

FutureMrsKeepUp wrote:

Don't have any badges - sorry ladies! LOL! You'd be surprised what you are capable of once you become a mother. I worried that I wouldn't love my daughter the way, or as much as, I love my son because it was just he and I for so long. People looked at me all kinds of ways for that. But when that little lady arrived - WHOA! Besides the love of God - NO GREATER LOVE! I would do, and have done, anything for my children.

I got my BS but got preg with my son right after. I couldn't find an engineering job so used my Math minor to do social work (so I know what you're going through Bumble!). I decided to use my degree but fell into a catch 22, no experience-no job. But how could I get experience if they wouldn't give me a job? I went back to school FT and worked two jobs, 7 days a week, for 18 months. Everyone had my son but me. It was a hell of a sacrifice but I knew I wanted better for my son. Now I have my son, daughter, STB husband, a new home, and am just working on being a good wife and mother (while reducing debt and building wealth)! Heck, I'm even on the PTA!

SHE IS WOMAN-HEAR HER ROAR!!!!!

soon2bmsj wrote:

Don't have any badges - sorry ladies! LOL! You'd be surprised what you are capable of once you become a mother. I worried that I wouldn't love my daughter the way, or as much as, I love my son because it was just he and I for so long. People looked at me all kinds of ways for that. But when that little lady arrived - WHOA! Besides the love of God - NO GREATER LOVE! I would do, and have done, anything for my children.

I got my BS but got preg with my son right after. I couldn't find an engineering job so used my Math minor to do social work (so I know what you're going through Bumble!). I decided to use my degree but fell into a catch 22, no experience-no job. But how could I get experience if they wouldn't give me a job? I went back to school FT and worked two jobs, 7 days a week, for 18 months. Everyone had my son but me. It was a hell of a sacrifice but I knew I wanted better for my son. Now I have my son, daughter, STB husband, a new home, and am just working on being a good wife and mother (while reducing debt and building wealth)! Heck, I'm even on the PTA!

SHE IS WOMAN-HEAR HER ROAR!!!!!

O-KAAYY! Go girl....Go ALL of the Vibride Supermom's....cause on top of all the things ya'll are doing....you're STILL planning your wedding with the determination to live and enjoy your lives....I feel better talkin to ya'll.

LOL! Yall are too funny!

Anyhoo, I was talking to a co-worker who has 2-year old twins, so of course I asked her about it, and of course she said its hard...she only had an 8 year-old daughter, so with her new hubby, then getting pregnant right away, she had to get used to starting all over again....plus she was days away from enrolling in school.....she was already surprised cause I guess new hubby didn't care one way or another if they had kids, but she didn't want anymore....then like 2 weeks later at the sonogram she found she was carrying twins, and everything kind of stopped.....anyways....I get these long moments (lasts about 5 minutes) when I get the newborns in my office---today I had the cutest premie fresh out the hospital...healthy, but still 3 pounds and 14 ounces (born at 30 weeks), and of course I'm like all gaga....and then i want kids........then I see her mom's chart and she had like 8 pregnancies, with only 4 kids surviving....then she almost died because she got uterine prolapse, and hemmorhaged, had an emergency hysterectomy, and like the baby, she just got out the hospital too......then the moment is like...gone......Oh yeah, the mom just turned 24......

Oh yeah, not to mention the 13 year old who is 6 months pregnant who shows up in my office yesterday.....this will be her 2nd child!......I think my Job is like birth control too!

Well, I may come off as being selfish but I DO NOT want any kids after 28... I want to be able to enjoy being established while I young. Like I don't want to retire @ 65 & still be paying for my kids to get through college. I don't know if that comes from being so young when we had our first son (14 & 15) or what but I feel like we grew up together. I was still able to crawl through tubes & run around the park and just have fun with him... At the same time I understand why couples wait, they enjoy their 20s to themselves and then start trying but that's so not for me (obviously, I already have a 5 yr. old) I want another one but I kinda don't. I mean I don't want my kids to be so far apart & it's like if I got pregnant right now my children would be 6 1/2 yrs apart... That just seems so far to me... But I will leave it in God's hands until my 28th birthday... God as my witness, if I'm not pregnant March 31, 2015 (my 28th b-day)I getting my tubes tied, cut, & burned... So Serious, I don't want any accidents!!!

Oh my goodness SexiDiva- you just put some fear into me I am already 25 and I dont want kids yet- i wanted to wait until i am 28- seriously for number one and number 2 maybe two years later- I am still in school, and when i graduate next summer- i start my dream job! I want to do my thing for a couple of years enjoy my non-student life- I cant just start motherhood without experiencing life without it- Dont get me wrong- i wish i could do it right now- but hmmm I dont want any regrets and I want to enjoy my man before being someone's mommy

Welcome to the boards guys. I had my daughter after 10 years of marriage at 35 years old. I partied my but off with my hubby. WE traveled the world, built our businesses and created a really strong bond with each other without distractions.. When we had our child it changed our lives forever. It just got better!

I agree that you should wait until having children. Especially while you are young. There is so much growing we do as women and as career professionals as well. I have no regrets whatsoever having her "late" She came right on time. Planned and perfect.

Oh we are gonna work on baby #2! I stopped the pill. So pray for me.

Wait a minute, on a lighter note, Diamond Bride it just occurred to me that we're getting married on the same day. Woo Hoo!!!

I used to feel like you SexiDiva....but I guess I am just putting it all in God's hands too. As you can see, I tend to be torn between enjoying life, traveling, partying, building businesses and funds until we plan our kids, and going ahead and taking a chance and "getting them out the way" now.....It sounds crazy, but I have never wanted to have to try so late in life, but I realize that if I have to I will. I pray that I pick up the fertile genes that the women in my family have in case it happens....so we will see. I think that I am (especially my husband) leaning towards waiting as long as possible, but we don't use BC because we're putting it in God's hands too.....

Rosetta wrote:

Oh we are gonna work on baby #2! I stopped the pill. So pray for me.

Good luck and have fun with that Rosie! Keep it spicy and don't let it become a chore because you two are trying to conceeive!

SexiDiva I feel you on that. I said any babies coming out of me had be OUT before I turned 30. That gave me until December 19, 2006! I figured when I celebrate my BIG 50 my children would be old enough (21) too attend the party. I had my son in June of 2000, daughter in December of 2005, and turned 30 December 20, 2006! I'm DONE! I'm on track to have her about done with college (excluding grad school), my son (7yo) done with college and making big bucks, and our house paid off but the time I'm 50! Yes!

My children are 5.5 years apart. Its not that bad. My hair stylist's children are 14 years apart almost to the day! Now that's TOO far apart for me!

Good luck to you and your DH Rosetta!!!

I am 7 years older than my brother. When I was graduating from college he was graduating from high school. It was actually really good for us and we were able to develop a good relationship, we were close enough to get on each others nerves in school, etc.

Although we are not going to "plan" exactly, I'll be coming off of BC about 3 or 4 months before the wedding and we will be abstaining from that point forward. Then whenever it happens it happens.

well, my children are 10 yrs apart...I had my first child at 21, my then hubby we were both right out of college, starting our careers, got married, bought a house etc..and it was hard, but I enjoyed him being an only child for 10 yrs because I got to spend that time with HIM; he was READY for a sibling but due to my horrible pregancy with him I was DONE but God had other plans for my life and along came his brother when I was 31. I was a single parent because by that time I was divorced from my oldest child's father and never married to the youngest. Parenting is going to be hard sometimes and other times so fulfilling no matter what age you choose to have children and not matter if you have both parents or you are a single parent.

Rosetta wrote:

Oh we are gonna work on baby #2! I stopped the pill. So pray for me.

Hey Rosie, that is awesome news! All the best to you and Eloi (hope I spelled it right). God bless!

Bumblebeekee wrote:

Has anyone actually PLANNED their children? My FIL CLAIMS all his children were planned, so FH definitely believes it should be planned....that being said, how do you know...."okay yeah, lets start trying". I mean you hear the celebrities and TV folks talking about...oh yeah we are trying, but who wakes up one morning and says, "lets work on Making Babies starting today?" I mean, just school me here parents....

Yup. We're planning our first - one of the reasons I haven't been on here in a long time. We sat down and decided to move forth with our family plans we had talked about before the wedding. We started ttc in july. And when I mean planning, I mean planning! I chart my temperatures, check my cervix, follow my OPK readings for my LH surge and everything. Hopefully it will happen soon.

Bumblebeekee wrote:

Has anyone actually PLANNED their children?

Hey ladies, i know its been a while but life takes off when you least expect it. That being said, i'm not a mother yet but i am charting a timeline for pregnancy. I'm going to be 27 in February and I feel like i need a plan. I've wanted to have kids since i was 17 and i worked very hard to prevent accidental pregnancy over the past 10 years. Now I have all the things in place i said i needed before having kids: established career, master's degree, committed relationship, healthy family, and financial potential. FH comes from a large family and i want as many children as we can afford (probably 2, maybe 3) but i want to be finished before 35. That means i need to get to gettin'. I guess people around us sense my plan because i've had members of both of our families sit me down in the past 2 months and tell me that THEY'RE ready for me to have a baby! The only one who wants to wait until after the wedding is ME. Thank heaven for long-distance love or we'd be letting out my gown for 2009. BTW I love reading about everyone's paths to motherhood, thanks for sharing, sistas!

Hey Classy! Have fun TTC. Don't let all that charting get in the way of the fun!

And Musik, are we planning for 2009? Let us know and keep us in the loop of your details! Oh, and trust me, having another year to yourself will be a blessing! I can't even go to the bathroom without little knocks on the door! LOL!

Turiya wrote:

Bumble remember and understand this ....You will NEVER be financially ready for a baby, if you wait on that -the time will never come.

I hear this a LOT and I can't comprehend that statement. If you have the option to wait until you feel like you're financially ready, then do so. I get the speech from my FIL (I want a grandchild) on a regular basis. However, we do not have the room in our finances, right now, to have a child. However, in 2-3 years, I will. IMO- It is not fair to bring a child into this world, under these circumstances. I want to be the best provider I can be to my child. Needless to say, I am planning my kids (starting 2 years from now) If you have kids right away, then how will you know what you can do between now & then?

Cinny ...I understand where you coming from. Let me open my statement a little for better understanding

Yes, I will agree, waiting until you are "more" stable than "maybe" you are now ...is always best..you know land a stable career that you like, a bigger house, even a bigger car ..that's smart thinking.

What I mean by being financially ready is ...having a bank account or shoe box ...with money for, clothes, food, toys, meds, school supplies, school clothes, field trips, box lunches, school activites, for each stage of their lives then life insurance policies, college, their start up into life and definately mess ups when you have to re-do one of those finanical obligations ...

So that's what I mean by ready And I ALWAYS think that is wise for EITHER one of the partners planning to commit kids that feel that THEY aren't ready ...wait until you are, REGARDLESS of what the next man says

FutureMrsKeepUp wrote:

Hey Classy! Have fun TTC. Don't let all that charting get in the way of the fun!

And Musik, are we planning for 2009? Let us know and keep us in the loop of your details! Oh, and trust me, having another year to yourself will be a blessing! I can't even go to the bathroom without little knocks on the door! LOL!

Dang Future ...you get knocks? ...mine just come in and start talking! LOL

Ain't that the truth!! after kids you have NO PRIVACY unless they are asleep!! and I feel you Turiya-I'm in the bathroom and here comes my son..."mommy..." I'm like can you wait until I come out?? and if the door is locked he stands there wanting to hold a conversation!!!

Turiya wrote:

What I mean by being financially ready is ...having a bank account or shoe box ...with money for, clothes, food, toys, meds, school supplies, school clothes, field trips, box lunches, school activites, for each stage of their lives then life insurance policies, college, their start up into life and definately mess ups when you have to re-do one of those finanical obligations ...

So that's what I mean by ready And I ALWAYS think that is wise for EITHER one of the partners planning to commit kids that feel that THEY aren't ready ...wait until you are, REGARDLESS of what the next man says

Oh, okay. Thanks for the clarification, Turiya. When people (my BFF, FIL, other in-laws, etc.) say it to me, it's almost like saying 'just pop one out and make due'. It's so expensive to have a kid.

Girl ...I don't think expensive is the proper word!

However, it does sound like you will have a great support system but that doesn't mean pop them out for them ...

Thanks Future & Rhony. You spelled his name right. I is hard getting in the mood with work, bills, employees, vendors, brides AHHHHHH! But we will make time to do it right. We just did a cruise and Walt Disney World. No romance. Just sleeping! lol

We actually took turns sneaking in work. Lord help us!

Oh yeah, not to mention the 13 year old who is 6 months pregnant who shows up in my office yesterday.....this will be her 2nd child!......I think my Job is like birth control too!


Bumble I feel the same way I run into similar situations at my job I work as a case worker at the Dept. of Human Services (welfare office)
I often see the same kinds of things the latest a 24 year old with 8 kids she started at 13 .. I am 24 myself and i can't imagine having 1 let alone 8.

FH and I are going to start trying right after the wedding.. The funny thing is my mother asked me the other day " Can you even have babies? .. I was like "WHAT?" She said she was asking because all my friends have kids and I dont.. I let her know I've never really wanted any .. so I never put myself in a situation to have any..
I think I'm ready now.. With a little prayer and less going to work (work is totally my birth control) I'll be reaady after the wedding.. I'll cross my fingers

Lord have mercy, 8 kids?!?! Started at 13 and she's only 24?! Geez. *Faint*