I don't know what to do...I thought that the MOH was supposed to help you...but I NEVER see her! She doesn't answer my phone calls, she doesn't return emails. I thought we were pretty good friends, no she wasn't a friend from high school or anything...but we became really close after taking some classes together last year and she's also a co-worker of mine. I've had several planning meetings and not only does she not show up, she doesn't even bother to say she's not coming. I set the times when I know she can do it. So what do I do...I know she has her dress for the wedding, I paid for it. Which brings me to another problem...why is it so hard to get anyone to do anything? I picked a dress...not everyone liked it, even said they wouldn't be in the wedding if they had to wear it...so I said fine, just pick a dress in the same color...and still a few of them are balking at everything. I picked out shoes...some didn't want to wear them...so I said, okay everyone wear white shoes...no one has bought shoes yet...some think they should wear whatever color they feel like wearing, including clear...my wedding is three months away...I'm making my own invitations...I am doing everything myself...no help anywhere...when I ask the one person that does seem somewhat interested...she tells me to just get married in the park and quit trying to be so over extravegant! It's my wedding...shouldn't it be the way I dreamed it to be? I'm not being bridezilla like at all...I'm trying to accomodate everyone...why am I having such trouble with everyone? My FH and I are paying for everything and that's another subject, he's constantly complaining about how much everything costs. What should I do? I feel like just cancelling everything!

Welcome gettingmarriedin2008!

First problem I see is that YOU are trying to accomodate everyone ..well dear that's the one thing you shouldn't be doing! As long as you and FH are happy ...forget the rest. I would drop everyone who isn't interested and keep moving ...by the time you finished if it's just you and FH ...GREATTTT!!!!!! Everything still will be beautiful ...check out Iesha's pictures of her wedding ...just her and her man! Just the way they wanted it ...Awesome!!!

First, welcome sweety! You've found a site with the most supportive sistas I know!

2nd....Repeat after me...WooooSaaaaH! Girl I have been where you are at and I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how stressful and worrisome this situation can be....

With that in mind....Forget them. Seriously. You're going to find (or are finding rather) that your BP isn't feeling it like you are. They aren't understanding what the big deal is. And more over somewhow they are thinking more about themselves than about what they can do to make your planning process easier.

Why are they acting like that? Well if your BP is anything like mine, these are a group of lady's that have either haven't been in a wedding since they were children, don't understand why you don't just live together, or are just plain cheap!

Also somehow durring the process they start thinking more about themselves and how they will look and the cost of that look....

So with all that in mind... there are a few things you can do to rememedy the situation.

First. Pray for peace of a sound mind. Tell God all your thoughts and feeling, give Him all your stress and worry, and ask him to help you forgive them.

Two. Put your foot down (i'm doing this myself) and put out a bridesmaid newsletter that will state that will state what items they will need to have and by what date and then add the script....

Ex. Have a picture of the shoe you want (since they can't decide) and beneath that shoe or next to it put the shoe name, product number, price and the date they need to have their shoes by. This goes the same for dresses, and even where you want them to get their hair and nails done.

" I would like to thank you all for taking part in my special day. However if you are finacially strained by particpating or are no longer interested, please make it known. I love you all very much and would much rather have you at my wedding than feeling finacially burdened and/or indifferent."

I am a firm believer of no more drama. I gave my BM's choices, a monthes notice, and they showed up without a dime and....well I posted about it in my blog. It's a long story....

Anyway, is there anyone at your church that can help you put your invites together and other things?

I hope this helps you. I'm sending my love and prayers to you honey. Don't stress. Your day will be here sooner and better than you think it will be.

Welcome to the sisterhood gettingmarriedin2008!!!

I couldn't say it better than Turiya, but I'm going to try.

#1 ~ yes, your MOH is suppose to be there for you, handling a lot of the pressure that's on you as a result of the wedding. If your MOH could say something like "why don't you just do it in the park" "why are you trying to be so fancy" and worse, she hasn't even bothered to show up at your meetings? I would drop her like yesterday's news. I don't really have the patience for people who are acting snidish. I'm sorry. Mix yourself a Marguarita, sip is slowly and hold another meeting, but first, you need to talk to sister girl alone (your MOH). Tell her that you want to understand what's going on with her and you've scheduled meetings to accommodate her and she is not showing up. As your MOH, she should've had your back and you're feeling totally alone in this, therefore, her services are no longer needed as your MOH. Tell her that you hope you two could remain friends, but if not, God Bless you." And that's it!!!

#2 Get yourself another MOH, like yesterday!!! Very urgently!!! Someone who is genuinely happy that you're getting married and is willing to stand up with you and keep you calm when you're stressed. Someone who will go to all the running arounds with you just because that's what you have to do on that particular day. DUMP THE SOUR PUSS!!!

#3 ` As far as your attendants are concerned, you should've given them a choice of 3 gowns and 3 different types of shoes. That's it!!! They don't get to change it or do things their way. When you accept to be an attendant at someone's wedding, you accept their choice as their vision of their wedding. Your are being too accommodating. It's your wedding. You don't want to be a Bridezilla, but at the same time, you want to have your wedding done the way you envision it and if they can't get onboard with that, they're expandable too. REPLACE THEM!!! DON'T LET ANYONE BRING YOU DOWN!!! IT'S YOUR DAY, HAVE IT YOUR WAY!!!

#4 ~ Your FH will always worry about how much money is being spent. Just reassure him lovingly that you're not going over budget. That's all. Tell him that's the reason why you're doing a lot of things yourself in order to keep cost down.

Good luck with your planning and again, welcome to the sisterhood. Stand your grown sister. It's your wedding.

welcome to the sisterhood gettingmarriedin2008!! you are just being initated into the fold of marriage planning with UNCOOPERATIVE wedding participants!
All of us here have experienced (and some of us are still experiening-HELLO WALLS & LIGHTS) issues with our party. I am at the f*&^ it phase with 11 days to go! but I realize you cannot control grown azz people..remember no matter what happens in the end, you will have someone you love and loves you very much and that is the finale!!!

I'm having the same problem with my MOH who had yet to purchase her dress. See I only have 3 girls in my wedding because I did not want to deal with the drama but guess what I

you go queenbee!!

Welcome gettingmarriedin2008!

I am sorry for our troubles. The ladies her have given some good advice. You need to pray for God's will to be done, but I think that based on your reaction, that you know wha you need to do...So pray for the right words.....I too did only 2 BM's a MOH and Matron of Honor. You may want to either upgrade one of your bridesmaids who is closest to you, and seems to be the happiest for you, and is willing to take on a couple of projects, and whoever you choose, be honest about the situation, but keep it between ya'll. You can work together on projects, and let her know how greatfl you are in a nice gift. Continue to encourage your new MOH, and let her help you rally everyone together.

At this point, you may not be able to delegate tasks as much, but you can rally all your BM's together to do a project that you coordinate yourself...or you can assign/ask each BM to coordinate a task: BM#1- Invites, BM#2, Favors, BM#3, centerpieces, etc. All should report their progress to you. Also....your MOH is jealous so pity her and save your anger for something more significant like if your wedding dress gets a stain.

Finally, if you don't have a wedding planner, you may want to invest in one....Let him/her know EVERYTHING that you need done, and they can be responsible for the follow-up, and of course you just can mark of the progress as its completed on your to-do list. If you have one, take him/her to the drawing board, and let them know all the problems that have come about....Its worth your time and $$ to get a good one, even at 3 months to go...They are likely to work hard b/c they know that this close to the wedding its definitely going to happen.

Its just a little hitch in the plans, but let that dead weight go (sorry to say), and move forward. Don't forget to send her an invite/or claim to forget. Either way, decide if you want to keep her has a friend, and go from there. But pray first, and always-especially whenever you are confused....God will lead you through....

Welcome Gettingmarried. It's been said that if you want to see a persons true colors, plan a wedding or a funeral. Don't let your MOH and bridal party ruin for you what's supposed to be one of the happiest moments of your life. Stop being so accommodating to everyone. It's your day and YOU call the shots. If your bridal party don't like the choices being made, have them view them from the audience. They need to either fall in line or bow out graciously. Once you rid yourself of any dead weight, you'll soon realize how much smoother things run and you'll be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner.

Welcome Gettingmarriedin2008! Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I am sorry for the drama that you are going through, unfortunately that happens sometimes. The ladies have offered you some wonderful advice. We have a motto around here and it is "your day your way." Don't let anyone rain on your parade. Do what makes you happy because you CAN'T please everyone. As long as you and your fh are happy later for the haters!

Thank you for your advice girls! I feel so much better just talking about it. I will get a little more assertive and let them know what I would like...and weed out the bad seeds.

Thanks again!

pamcrow wrote:

Welcome Gettingmarried. It's been said that if you want to see a persons true colors, plan a wedding or a funeral. Don't let your MOH and bridal party ruin for you what's supposed to be one of the happiest moments of your life. Stop being so accommodating to everyone. It's your day and YOU call the shots. If your bridal party don't like the choices being made, have them view them from the audience. They need to either fall in line or bow out graciously. Once you rid yourself of any dead weight, you'll soon realize how much smoother things run and you'll be kicking yourself for not doing it sooner.

oohh wee! Well Said Pam!

very well said!

Amen Pamcrow !!!

gettingmarriedin2008 wrote:

Thank you for your advice girls! I feel so much better just talking about it. I will get a little more assertive and let them know what I would like...and weed out the bad seeds.

Thanks again!

Good, please continue to keep us posted. We are here for you.

Thanks Bumble, Shy & Ginoue. I do have my moments...LOL

Gettingmarried, wishing you all the best with this. Do keep us posted.