Yesterday I watching Divorce Court and during the break they asked a viewers poll question where people called in their responses. The question was: "Would you consider divorcing your spouse if they couldn't keep a job?"

I thought this was a good question and wanted to hear your thoughts.

I personally have a very strong work ethic (even though I spend quite a bit of my time at work with you ladies....LOL) and work ethics are something I've always looked at as well whenever considering a romantic relationship with someone. I find ambition and drive attractive in a mate and I'm TOTALLY turned off by someone without it. So for me, I could never even date someone, let alone marry them, if they couldn't keep a job. What about you?

Isn't that considered for richer or poorer. I dont see myself even marrying a person if they were not able to keep a job from the beginning, but if I married him and then things start to take that downward turn and he cant keep a job, I honestly think I would deal with it to a certain extent. I would not carry all of the finances for life...but i dont know how long it would last and i would look at his attitude about it. if he is the reason he cant keep a job, intentially- Oh then we have a problem and i will not tolerate that.

I agree totally that I will not marry someone who is just "Plain Ole Sorry" and don't wanna work or keep a job.
But then Its another story when you marry an ambitious and goal oriented man and the challenges of the times come upon him and causes him to lose his job. I guess thats when "For Better or For Worse", "For Rich and For Poor" comes in to action.

I would consider it depending on the circumstances.
If it's been six months and you still don't have a job you gonna have to flip some burgers or something. I think a marriage is a team effort and you are gonna have to meet me half way with the bills at least.
Honestly though I could not be with someone who doesn't have or who isn't able to keep a job.

For richer or for poorer flashed through my mind too when I heard the question. My husband is a union carpenter and he gets laid off a couple times a year which for me is our "for poorer" times. I'm okay with this because he does have unemployment income during these times (although it's nothing compared to his regular paycheck) and we both know it's only a temporary situation. Now if DH was the type to be constantly quitting or getting fired from jobs for reasons such as "oh, I didn't like the hours, or the supervisor didn't like me, or I was just a little late and they wrote me up for nothing, etc" then there would definetly be a problem.

This is why I totally believe in long courtships before marriage. I feel that you have to know how your love one deals with certain situations in order to see if you can handle the strains of whatever comes your way. Breaking up is a heck of a lot easier than getting a divorce. I know that sometimes people change over time even after long courtships, but from watching that show, I can tell that a large percentage of those cases wouldn't have existed had those people waited awhile before marrying each other.

I can understand the Union worker part of things. DH is a union plumber, as soon as he told me he got that job that was the first thing i thought about was layoffs. I knew that for the most part he has no control over that and i would not fault him either. My job has done many layoffs this year, I am in housing industry, so you can imagine. we just laid off 800 ppl this yr alone. I was so Blessed, not lucky to be one of those that were safe.

My hubby is a teacher and my prayer is that he stay employed until he's ready to retire. If something happens and he loses his job, I know he is the type of man to do almost anything (legal of course) to keep our home running smoothly. If he's unable to work because of physicall challenges, then I will stand by him 100%.

There is no way I will take care of a man who REFUSES to work. I know at some point everyone may be unemployed, but as long he is taking care of buiness he will have my unconditional support.

I don't know. I wouldn't just up and divorce my husband because he's unable to keep a job or doesn't have a job. If he's been in the industry for a while and sees that it's better for our family for him to have his own business, I would support his goals and ideas 100%. I'm a business woman and I don't work a 9 t0 5 per say, so who am I to say that he must have one. As long as we're doing okay financially, I don't mind.

On the same flip of the coin, I wouldn't want to be with a man who is unwilling to do something, because layoffs happen and after working for corporate America all these years, I was laid off last November, but I view this as an opportunity to devote all my time to the progress and development of my business and I'm okay with that.

I'm not saying that he has to flip burgers or do anything illegal, but, at the same token, if he wants to have his own business, I will help him thrive at it as well.

I totally agree with you pamcrow
only if your married shy,and good for you shy
completely agree with u butterbean
my hubby too daughterrhonda
and the fact is after dating someone for awhile you get a sense of his work history and if homeboy cant keep a JOB he surely couldnt keep me.If I have to work every able body in the house is going to work. now my hubby will work anybodies job I cant even get him to play hooky with me,I am so blessed.

I must agree with most of you ladies! I REFUSE to date (let alone marry) an able bodied man that WON'T get a job...I useto say I wouldn't even date anyone who didn't work, have his own car or own place...my mentality was anything in my house that is moving over the age of 18 need to be working..but on the flip side when I met DH he was working for a major company and had been there for over 15 yrs...he was laid off from that job and although he did get another job-the salary is not even comparable, but that did not make me high tail it and run away from him...so I guess my answer to the question would be "NO" because I know where he is now he is not happy and he WILL be leaving the job as soon as another door is open for him-but that is the key-AS SOON AS ANOTHER DOOR IS OPENED FOR HIM...

IMO If the man is breathing and all his limbs work he needs to WORK. Even if he can't find a job paying the same amount he was making he must be working somewhere or doing something until another job comes available. A man don't work, dont eat. (or sleep in my case).

SweetP you are too funny -- but I'm with you sista!

SWEETP wrote:

IMO If the man is breathing and all his limbs work he needs to WORK. Even if he can't find a job paying the same amount he was making he must be working somewhere or doing something until another job comes available. A man don't work, dont eat. (or sleep in my case).

PREACH, PREACH!!!!! LOL

SWEETP wrote:

IMO If the man is breathing and all his limbs work he needs to WORK. Even if he can't find a job paying the same amount he was making he must be working somewhere or doing something until another job comes available. A man don't work, dont eat. (or sleep in my case).

Preach Preach sista....Even if he is a hard-working McDonald's employee. If he is working hard, then he eats, and he sleeps....But if he working at McDonalds I will have to make sure he is moving up, getting those stock options, and all too....!

Bumblebeekee wrote:

IMO If the man is breathing and all his limbs work he needs to WORK. Even if he can't find a job paying the same amount he was making he must be working somewhere or doing something until another job comes available. A man don't work, dont eat. (or sleep in my case).


Preach Preach sista....Even if he is a hard-working McDonald's employee. If he is working hard, then he eats, and he sleeps....But if he working at McDonalds I will have to make sure he is moving up, getting those stock options, and all too....!

AMEN!!!...LOL!!! Girl he could move up and be a Regional Manager
girl he will be encourage to make it happen. Honey I will be Mrs. McDonalds..lmbo!!

This is an excellent question. I too am only attracted to industrious men. What can I say? it's just sexy when a man handles his business in the job/career department, whether it be working for the man or his own business. If during the course or our marriage, my spouse lost his 9-5 job, I'm sure he would do any legal job he could including running his own business. He's a humble man and accepts responsibility for being the head of our household. If he couldn't keep or get a job for some reason, I would ask him to sit down with a career counselor and try to solve the problem or figure out a whole new direction.

However, I noticed than nobody mentioned the possibility of a "househusband." Some women work while their husbands stay home with the kids, cook, clean, etc. Some find it less expensive than having to pay for childcare. Some couples just believe that at least one spouse should stay at home with the kids. If the wife has a higher income, it makes sense that the husband be the stay-at-home spouse. You all remember the movie "Mr. Mom?" What are your thoughts? I know this idea is probably very controversial.

VIPrincessBride wrote:

However, I noticed than nobody mentioned the possibility of a "househusband." Some women work while their husbands stay home with the kids, cook, clean, etc. Some find it less expensive than having to pay for childcare. Some couples just believe that at least one spouse should stay at home with the kids. If the wife has a higher income, it makes sense that the husband be the stay-at-home spouse. You all remember the movie "Mr. Mom?" What are your thoughts? I know this idea is probably very controversial.

Great point ViPrincessBride, I believe if it works for you then so be it. However, as for me I don't think I would want my husband at home everyday being "Mr. Mom" (and Lord knows he wouldn't want to either). I'd prefer a working man who contributes to the home, by paying his share of the bills, household chores, rearing the children, etc. I guess it's just a matter of personal choice.

Since I have been layed off we made the choice for me to stay at home with the kids and take care of home full time. I could have jumped right back to working as a hairstylist as I did before my last job but we choose otherwise, because we both wanted it like this since our first child but didnt have the funds to do so. Neither of us would have him be a "Mr. Mom", we both know its not in his nature. but as stated by rhonny, its all in personal choice

Shy41208 wrote:

Since I have been layed off we made the choice for me to stay at home with the kids and take care of home full time. I could have jumped right back to working as a hairstylist as I did before my last job but we choose otherwise, because we both wanted it like this since our first child but didnt have the funds to do so. Neither of us would have him be a "Mr. Mom", we both know its not in his nature. but as stated by rhonny, its all in personal choice

Yep. I get the feeling the most Sistahs just wouldn't be into that. Although I could definitely see a friend of mine being something like a househusband when he does get married because he runs his successful computer business out of his house. So he would contribute to the bills as well as take care of the kids when they came home from school, cook, clean, etc. I don't see him being the type of man that would only do housework and childcare (although extremely important) and not bring in an income. Most men define themselves by their jobs/careers while most women define themselves by their relationships. It's just frowned upon in society for men to be a "househusband" while their wives bring in the income.

The older I get the more traditional I realize myself to be. I couldn't have a stay at home husband. We would just have to make some cut backs and get secondary incomes so we could afford childcare.

I wouldn't mind having a house husband at all! I hate running to drop of the kids, going to running to work, then running to pick them up. Worrying about where they'll go when they don't have school. All that stuff. i've always been a worker and never a homemaker type. I absolutely HATE household chores. DH can have the house clean - all 3 levels - in 2 hours tops. Takes me 2-3 days! LOL! It'd take hell and highwater for him to do it, but I sure wouldn't mind!

Oh, to answer the original question: I would stay with him as long as he was trying to work. Not just sitting on his arse like "whatever." If my income was good enough we may could work out that house husband thing.

DH jokes that he could be a house-husband, but in reality we'd both get tired of that quick. Plus pressure from family to resume to more traditional roles may do us in...However I have considered this since I make more money than him.....
I think that many two-income families have a spouse (who makes less $$) start working from home for less pay or one just is a "house-spouse" after kids arrive is for a few interesting reasons:

1. The number one I have heard is the cost of day care
2. Concerns with quality of care-takers

Going back to day care issue, some of these costs are equivalent to a mortgage payment a month....In Tallahassee, if you don't recieve assisstance for day care, the average cost is somewhere between 600-800/month. Even with assistance you are paying 200-300.oo/child!

Thats not even for ensuring your child gets 1-2 meals, and some parents still have to send food cause the daycares serve junk foods or inappropriate foods sometimes. My friend sends food with her 3 year old because they day care serves burgers and fries (something the child doesn't eat at home and therefor plays with the food!-and is chastised by the day care teachers for it). But thats all she can afford! Also many day care facilities just "keep" the kids...They don't do any games or skill-building, and I had one client send her 1-year old to day care and the day she picked him up his head shakes and he ticks to this day!...She thinks they dropped him, but they don't admit to an accident.....Unfortunately her history of mental problems prevent her from seeking retribution or legal discourse for fear they will take him away-again....

For some all of the other spouse's check goes straight to day care, and even if they make less working from home, they still save money and all of it goes to other expenses.