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Tue 07 Oct 2008 10:24:29 AM CDT

SWEETP

Vibrant Diva
Joined: February, 2008
Posts: 425
From: Little Rock, Arkansas

>Negative Feedback

Hello Ladies
I need your help and advice.....

Just a little info:
As you know I am planning for my 2009 wedding. I am 22 years old, a full time student and work full time. MY FI is also 22 years old and he is a Liscend Barber and own his own salon and 2 Detail/Rim shops in our area( So we got the hook up on 24's and 26' inch Rims..LMBO)I think at our age we have it together and we are striving for excellence to inhance our future and our life together as one.

Meanwhile.....I get sooo much negative feedback from friends, family, church members, and coworkers etc. They are always saying things like:
Why....Are you rushing into this?
You will be divorce within 5 years because of maturity.
You will miss out on life.
You are too young.
and many more negative comments.

Sometimes it really brings my spirit down because I expected that everyone would be happy for us but it seems like they feel otherwise. I feel like if our parents are okay with our decision then thats all that matters.

Did you have any negative feedback about your marriage? If so, how did you handle it?

~Thanks in advance Ladies~
Remember To Always Be Fabulous!!!


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http://www.mywedding.com/porscheandfakhree

Edited: SWEETP (Tue 07 Oct 2008 03:24:29 PM GMT)

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Tue 07 Oct 2008 10:48:05 AM CDT

FutureMrsKeepUp

Vibrant Queen
Joined: June, 2007
Posts: 1948
From: Chicago, IL

Re: >Negative Feedback

Part of your vows will be "forsaking all others." I get flack because of some of the things that happened in the past during my relationship with DH. I prayed on it, God has worked it out, and we have moved forward. Past that solution anyone else has nothing to say. You have to ignore people. Hopefully you two will get pre-marital couseling so any concerns will be handled there - between YOU TWO - you know, the ones TAKING THE VOWS? As long as yall are on one accord skip everyone else. ESPECIALLY the unmarried ones! It will be frustrating but as long as you know you're doing what is best for you KIM (keep it moving).

Edited: FutureMrsKeepUp (Tue 07 Oct 2008 03:48:05 PM GMT)

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Tue 07 Oct 2008 11:02:03 AM CDT

cmt

Vibrant Diva
Joined: April, 2008
Posts: 532

Re: >Negative Feedback

FutureMrsKeepUp wrote: Part of your vows will be "forsaking all others." I get flack because of some of the things that happened in the past during my relationship with DH. I prayed on it, God has worked it out, and we have moved forward. Past that solution anyone else has nothing to say. You have to ignore people. Hopefully you two will get pre-marital couseling so any concerns will be handled there - between YOU TWO - you know, the ones TAKING THE VOWS? As long as yall are on one accord skip everyone else. ESPECIALLY the unmarried ones! It will be frustrating but as long as you know you're doing what is best for you KIM (keep it moving).



Could'nt have said it better myself...
People are going to talk either way so dont worry about them. Its all about you and FH and what you want. Keep your head up Girl.

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Edited: cmt (Tue 07 Oct 2008 04:02:03 PM GMT)

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Tue 07 Oct 2008 11:33:06 AM CDT

Ginoue

Vibrant Queen
Joined: June, 2007
Posts: 2361
From: Orlando, FL

Re: >Negative Feedback

Couldn't have said it better than KeepUp. Girl, this is between you, your FH and God, no one else. Pray a lot, love each other always and keep the lines of communications open.
Daisypath Wedding tickers

Edited: Ginoue (Tue 07 Oct 2008 04:33:06 PM GMT)

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Tue 07 Oct 2008 11:45:31 AM CDT

Shy41208

Vibrant Diva
Joined: January, 2008
Posts: 635
From: Linden, NJ

Re: >Negative Feedback

I agree with KeepUP.I had a slight problem before getting married. The negatives came from MIL because basically because me and DH come from different religious backgrounds (he grew up in church and i grew up in the Kingdom Hall), so she felt that it would break us up because of deciding what our kids would do as far as that. We handled that on OUR OWN when our first child was born and told her that we both believe in the same GOD and pray together every night, so why is it a big deal to HER, and even now when she brings it up, he tells her let it go, it's between US ALONE.

So dont let those people get to you, if they cant be happy for you then screw them. Be happy that you are marrying the man of your dreams. You have your parents by your side and other than the two of you that is the most important. just because you are married does not mean you will miss out on life, it's actually a part of life that is the one of the best parts.

Edited: Shy41208 (Tue 07 Oct 2008 04:53:45 PM GMT)

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Tue 07 Oct 2008 01:19:32 PM CDT

Ieasha

Vibrant Diva
Joined: June, 2006
Posts: 583
From: Atlanta, GA

Re: >Negative Feedback

So long as you are young, you are going to get negative feedback from people. I dont know who declared the "right age" for couples to get married instead of "right frame of mind". If the two of yous feel its right for you then hey, its the two of yous decision not anyone else's!
Each One Teach One!

Edited: ieasha (Tue 07 Oct 2008 06:19:32 PM GMT)

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Tue 07 Oct 2008 01:43:08 PM CDT

sensationablyhappy

Vibrant Queen
Joined: September, 2007
Posts: 1030
From: from NY to GA

Re: >Negative Feedback

I agree with the other ladies. It's about you and your FH. I got alot of unwanted advice from people due to the fact that DH is in the Military and I would be moving away from home due to his job and there would be times he would have to leave me for long periods of time to go overseas. My family is so closeknit and everyone lives in the same state. Some people couldn't believe I was moving to GA "how dare she just pick up and leave" they say. Well I say talk to the hand as I'm waving to you from the airplane because i'm out! See ya when I see ya. Needless to say I did what I wanted to do and now what everyone else thought I should do. When people try to put their two cents in I learned to bob my head up and down with out giving them any eye contact and keep saying um hum and nothing else. Eventually they will get the picture and leave you alone. Good luck sis.
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Edited: sensationablyhappy (Tue 07 Oct 2008 06:43:08 PM GMT)

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Tue 07 Oct 2008 01:59:05 PM CDT

DaughterRhonda

Vibrant Moderator
Joined: May, 2005
Posts: 8133
From: Jersey City, NJ

Re: >Negative Feedback

The only advice that I can give you is what I did when I received negative feedback. In two words: Ignore it!

All the best to you SweetP, it is all about you and your FH. Later for the haters!
Daisypath Next Aniversary Ticker

Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37

Edited: DaughterRhonda (Tue 07 Oct 2008 06:59:05 PM GMT)

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Tue 07 Oct 2008 02:32:21 PM CDT

pamcrow

Vibrant Queen
Joined: June, 2007
Posts: 1700
From: Upstate, NY

Re: >Negative Feedback

I agree with the other ladies. Those nay sayers can't live your life for you. As long as you live and breath someone is going to have something to say about things that don't even concern them. Just feel blessed that your parents are on your side and happy for you.

"I'm a work in progress, God is not through me yet"

Edited: pamcrow (Tue 07 Oct 2008 07:32:21 PM GMT)

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Tue 07 Oct 2008 05:19:34 PM CDT

nicky350

Awesome Member
Joined: August, 2008
Posts: 62

Re: >Negative Feedback

Sweet P..Alicia Keyes comes to mind as I'm reading this "People keep talkin, they can say what they like but all I know is everything's gonna be alright". As we all know people are very opinionated about other folks lives, when they should be worrying about what's happening in their own. It never works out that way though, so you must develop thick skin when it comes to your haters & continue to do what you feel is best for you & yours. In 20 yrs you'll both look back on this & laugh Diva!

Edited: nicky350 (Tue 07 Oct 2008 10:19:34 PM GMT)

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Wed 08 Oct 2008 09:12:18 AM CDT

SWEETP

Vibrant Diva
Joined: February, 2008
Posts: 425
From: Little Rock, Arkansas

Re: >Negative Feedback

Thanks Divas!!!! sooo much for your wise advice and comments. I really appreciate it. You ladies have really settled my spirit and Thanks again!!
Remember To Always Be Fabulous!!!


an image


http://www.mywedding.com/porscheandfakhree

Edited: SWEETP (Wed 08 Oct 2008 02:12:18 PM GMT)

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Wed 08 Oct 2008 09:51:40 AM CDT

soon2bmsj

Vibrant Queen
Joined: August, 2007
Posts: 2720
From: Dallas, TX

Re: >Negative Feedback

SWEETP wrote: Thanks Divas!!!! sooo much for your wise advice and comments. I really appreciate it. You ladies have really settled my spirit and Thanks again!!

SweetP all of the ladies have given you excellent words of encouragement and I totally agree with each and every one of them! People will ALWAYS have something to say about you and what you should do--but always remember everyone can't and won't share in your happiness! this is about you and your FH and if you guys know in your heart that this is what God has ordained-then who is above HIM???
also, I think the age thing comments are just a change with the "times"--people have forgotten that our grandparents, great grandparents etc were married at 14, 15, 16 etc and had very long and successful marriages, so why can't you and FH? Smile

Edited: soon2bmsj (Wed 08 Oct 2008 02:51:40 PM GMT)

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Wed 08 Oct 2008 11:19:02 AM CDT

DaughterRhonda

Vibrant Moderator
Joined: May, 2005
Posts: 8133
From: Jersey City, NJ

Re: >Negative Feedback

soon2bmsj wrote: also, I think the age thing comments are just a change with the "times"--people have forgotten that our grandparents, great grandparents etc were married at 14, 15, 16 etc and had very long and successful marriages, so why can't you and FH? Smile


Well said soon!
Daisypath Next Aniversary Ticker

Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37

Edited: DaughterRhonda (Wed 08 Oct 2008 04:19:02 PM GMT)

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Wed 08 Oct 2008 12:52:44 PM CDT

kaholgah

Vibrant Diva
Joined: April, 2008
Posts: 162
From: baltimore m.d

Re: >Negative Feedback

Shy41208 wrote: I agree with KeepUP.I had a slight problem before getting married. The negatives came from MIL because basically because me and DH come from different religious backgrounds (he grew up in church and i grew up in the Kingdom Hall), so she felt that it would break us up because of deciding what our kids would do as far as that. We handled that on OUR OWN when our first child was born and told her that we both believe in the same GOD and pray together every night, so why is it a big deal to HER, and even now when she brings it up, he tells her let it go, it's between US ALONE.

So dont let those people get to you, if they cant be happy for you then screw them. Be happy that you are marrying the man of your dreams. You have your parents by your side and other than the two of you that is the most important. just because you are married does not mean you will miss out on life, it's actually a part of life that is the one of the best parts.


wow SHY , this is amazing ure situation is exacly like what i went through, i also grew up in the KINDOM HALL back in S.A and continued with it here cos thats the only religion i belive in , but unfortunately my fh grew up in church too , my FIL was the same way too discouraging us about our marriiage and religion but it wasnt a big deal with us we cundt agree on religion yes but he respected mine and so did i with him , and it works out fine , soo from what ure going through sweet P ITS nothing big its just a normal thing its not everybody that is gonna aagree with you about everything and even if they dont it doesnt mean what ure doing is wrong . soo all i can say is what metters the most is the love and respect that you have for each other and the fact that you and ure FH are ready for it , my mother married at 16 dad 20 and were celebrating their 40th annivesary this yeah in november , soo that tought me age is really not an issue in marriage but maturity is , thats my little two cents sister we will also pray for u to stay stroong !!! JEhova bless

Edited: kaholgah (Wed 08 Oct 2008 06:13:18 PM GMT)

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Tue 03 Feb 2009 12:31:02 PM CST

Bumblebeekee

Vibrant Queen
Joined: June, 2006
Posts: 1996
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

Re: >Negative Feedback

I am late but remember to Shake the haters off!

It sounds more like jealousy to me! Shoot I was 26 when I got married and people still thought we were too young! My FIL asked my DH if I was pregnant. Supposedly joking but was he? So people are going to have words.

Also congrats on both your successes. Many people don't get it together at such a young age like you and FH but so what? Its not YOUR fault that when they were your age they were doing God knows what! Also its unfortunate that others your age that came before you DID rush into a marriage that may have ended early in divorce...But that doesn't mean you will. People date and are exclusive for 5-10 years, THEN get married, and are divorced within a year or 2 so go figure. Its what YOU make of it.....So keep on living first for God, and loving yourselves while loving each other. Thats all that matters.
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)


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Edited: Bumblebeekee (Tue 03 Feb 2009 06:31:02 PM GMT)

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Tue 03 Feb 2009 01:23:11 PM CST

michelerdh2005

Vibrant Diva
Joined: December, 2008
Posts: 242

Re: >Negative Feedback

Go ahead and do the thing. Waiting is not always better. Some people wait too long and never get married. Year later after making major purchases, a couple kids, and living as a couple they break up. Getting married is a good thing. It is awesome tha the two of you found love so early before you could be tarnished by lots of bad relationships.

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Edited: michelerdh2005 (Tue 03 Feb 2009 07:23:11 PM GMT)

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Tue 03 Feb 2009 09:19:58 PM CST

DSTlady

Awesome Member
Joined: January, 2009
Posts: 46
From: Virginia

Re: >Negative Feedback

I am a 2nd time around bride. I got married the 1st time at 20. Yes, we got a divorce, but the marriage lasted for 15 years. The divorce had nothing to do with the age we were when we wed. If you all have dated long enough to truly know each other and the responsibility of marriage, then go for it. I hope that you will be graduating before the wedding or soon after as this will show your family that you are able to complete one vital step (education) before proceeding to another. Good Luck



These three remain; faith, hope and love, but the greatest of these is love. Cor

Edited: DSTlady (Wed 04 Feb 2009 03:19:58 AM GMT)

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Wed 04 Feb 2009 01:13:38 AM CST

DeeLove

Vibrant Diva
Joined: September, 2007
Posts: 495
From: Sunny South Africa

Re: >Negative Feedback

FutureMrsKeepUp wrote: Part of your vows will be "forsaking all others." I get flack because of some of the things that happened in the past during my relationship with DH. I prayed on it, God has worked it out, and we have moved forward. Past that solution anyone else has nothing to say. You have to ignore people. Hopefully you two will get pre-marital couseling so any concerns will be handled there - between YOU TWO - you know, the ones TAKING THE VOWS? As long as yall are on one accord skip everyone else. ESPECIALLY the unmarried ones! It will be frustrating but as long as you know you're doing what is best for you KIM (keep it moving).

Ditto to what KeepUp said.


an image

Edited: DeeLove (Wed 04 Feb 2009 07:13:38 AM GMT)

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Thu 05 Feb 2009 09:44:41 AM CST - In response to DSTlady

Bumblebeekee

Vibrant Queen
Joined: June, 2006
Posts: 1996
From: Tallahassee, FL (Originally Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

Re:Re: >Negative Feedback

I am a 2nd time around bride. I got married the 1st time at 20. Yes, we got a divorce, but the marriage lasted for 15 years. The divorce had nothing to do with the age we were when we wed. If you all have dated long enough to truly know each other and the responsibility of marriage, then go for it. I hope that you will be graduating before the wedding or soon after as this will show your family that you are able to complete one vital step (education) before proceeding to another. Good Luck
 
 
Good Point. My mom's biggest issue was making sure I graduated before I got married. WELLLL I already had 1 degree and I got the feeling that when I started grad school the following semester, DH (then FH) was a little put off. But we planned to go ahead and get married after I got my Masters. But things changed, I left him, then went back to him, and I decided why wait? So we got married during Spring Break of my last year in school. I was on time for graduating and finishing my internship by that summer, so we made a decision to do it sooner than later...And this was after he proposed. But it made my mom feel better knowing that graduation was definitely happening, and she is cool about it. However she was worried when we moved the wedding up.
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)


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Mon 16 Feb 2009 09:51:16 AM CST - In response to SWEETP

pinklady

Newbie
Joined: February, 2009
Posts: 8

Re:>Negative Feedback

Ignore them. This is between you, God and your FH. I get back talk all the time from the people I dearly love. But, you are an adult and you know what is good for you and your FH. They will just need to get over it. Stay and prayer, you are going to need it.
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