This is a topic I don't recall ever seeing on here. For those of you who are already married, how long was it before you started adding DH's name on stuff (life insurance, deeds, etc) or vice versa. DH and I have been married a year and 8 months and we still haven't changed anything. We both have children (none in common) and we each have our kids listed as our primary beneficiaries on things. Is it wrong to feel hesitant about changing stuff just yet?

It's a touchy subject. I never listed my first husband on anything other rhan my medical ins., but my children have always been my beneficaries.

PamCrow, I think it is a matter of personal choice.



After my hubby and I were married about a month, we changed everything over. We have some things going exclusively to each other and some things going directly to our daughter (she's both of our biological daughter).

Great topic!



Well right now, I still have my mother listed as the beneficiary since my son is underage. My Dh does have a problem with this because he has me listed as the beneficiary for his insurance, but I tried to explain to him that if something was to happen to me before my son gets of age, either my mother or sister would get my son (we have already counted his daddy out-he couldn't handle him )and they would need the means to take care of him.



We discussed this in marriage counseling believe it or not before we got married and my Pastor pretty much was on the same page as DH...so I may be wrong, but right now, THIS is how I feel...also, I am with Rhony..I think it is a personal decision, but MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL, so unless you truly know a person, it can make you DO WRONG (Al Green )

Nope nuffin has changed. I love my husband to death, and my mother also ...at the same time, dead or alive I gotta make sure my kids are straight.



As for the house, I bought it before getting married. When we buy again ...we'll both go on the deed.



And I'm for sure not sharing a bank account, money yeah ...bank account NOPE.



So I could be all the wrong

We have no children. Haven't changed anything as yet. We both owned houses before marriage and the deeds will remain as they are. After we purchase a new one together, both names will go on the deed. It's never wrong to feel hesitant, pray on it and listen to His answer.

Turiya wrote:

Nope nuffin has changed. I love my husband to death, and my mother also ...at the same time, dead or alive I gotta make sure my kids are straight.


As for the house, I bought it before getting married. When we buy again ...we'll both go on the deed.


And I'm for sure not sharing a bank account, money yeah ...bank account NOPE.


So I could be all the wrong

LOL! I hear ya girl! I forgot to mention I bought my house "pre-DH" so...nobody's name is on it but mine! although I did have them change my name in the county records for the appraisal district so my new name is reflected on the deed! LOL

Turiya wrote:

Nope nuffin has changed. I love my husband to death, and my mother also ...at the same time, dead or alive I gotta make sure my kids are straight.


As for the house, I bought it before getting married. When we buy again ...we'll both go on the deed.


And I'm for sure not sharing a bank account, money yeah ...bank account NOPE.


So I could be all the wrong

LMAO. Tee, I feel ya. I ain't even filing joint taxes. Too much baby momma drama to getting my money all mixed up with his.





Soon, for a brief millisec i thought about changing my name on my deed. I decided to keep everything in my maiden name, even down to the water bill girl. I don't want no second guessing as to what belongs to who.



VI you did good for yourself to find someone without kids and has their own assets. That's such a blessing.

pamcrow wrote:

Nope nuffin has changed. I love my husband to death, and my mother also ...at the same time, dead or alive I gotta make sure my kids are straight.


As for the house, I bought it before getting married. When we buy again ...we'll both go on the deed.


And I'm for sure not sharing a bank account, money yeah ...bank account NOPE.


So I could be all the wrong




LMAO. Tee, I feel ya. I ain't even filing joint taxes. Too much baby momma drama to getting my money all mixed up with his.




Soon, for a brief millisec i thought about changing my name on my deed. I decided to keep everything in my maiden name, even down to the water bill girl. I don't want no second guessing as to what belongs to who.


VI you did good for yourself to find someone without kids and has their own assets. That's such a blessing.

LOL-hey speak the truth girl!!! :0

I'm with the ladies on this one. I say keep it the way they are for now, but it's a personal choice. I say keep it the way they are for now and when you guys buy things together, than you can both have your names on deeds, etc...

Ok ladies I need your help on this one. How do I tell him that I don't want his name on the house I bought? We went house hunting together and picked out the townhouse together, but I paid the down payment and the mortgage so far (only 1 month) and only my name is on the deed. He says I'm hesitant because my first marriage didn't work out the way I had hoped and he's hurt that I would even have the audacity to consider that he and I might not work. While I really appreciate his romantic, fairy tale notion of happily ever after, I'm more of a realist. I like to be prepared just in case. Sometimes I think he only thinks about all the wonderful things that marriage brings and chooses to ignore the more unpleasant things.



Also, doesn't the beneficiary only get your assets if there is no surviving spouse?

ericka7921 wrote:

Ok ladies I need your help on this one. How do I tell him that I don't want his name on the house I bought? We went house hunting together and picked out the townhouse together, but I paid the down payment and the mortgage so far (only 1 month) and only my name is on the deed. He says I'm hesitant because my first marriage didn't work out the way I had hoped and he's hurt that I would even have the audacity to consider that he and I might not work. While I really appreciate his romantic, fairy tale notion of happily ever after, I'm more of a realist. I like to be prepared just in case. Sometimes I think he only thinks about all the wonderful things that marriage brings and chooses to ignore the more unpleasant things.


Also, doesn't the beneficiary only get your assets if there is no surviving spouse?

Hi Ericka, I think if he starts helping with the mortgage, it's fair to add his name to the deed, but that's really up to you. If he wants his name added and you don't, there is potential for A LOT of tension, especially if that's the only property. Most people are going to want their name on a deed if they're helping with the mortgage.



Don't quote me on this, but I believe that with life insurance policies they go by the beneficiaries listed on the policy. Depending upon the type of deed, a home would go to a surviving spouse if there is no will. If there is a will, assets go to the beneficiaries listed on the will.

I'm not trying to be funny, but I thought in marriage the two become one....So 1st and foremost I learned that it was important to go in with that kind of attitude. Now later on if BOTH man and wife decide where names and beneficiaries go, etc, etc, and come to a consensus together, then thats good. Like my aunt and uncle married 20 years felt like they need seperate accounts or whatever but BOTH of them are cool with it...Good.



As far as the house, Erika, I know its scary, but leave the baggage from the last marriage back there where the last marriage was.....This is a test of your willingness to trust in God that this new marriage will work out. Straight up. Okay yes I am married what---- 20 months, no kids, 1st (only hopefully) marriage but its just my opinion.....Not to be mean or crude, just some advice from my heart...........But compared to about 5 years ago-my faith is in a totally different place....Some may think I am naive, but with prayer, trust (hey my parents had a NASTY divorce-so as the oldest child from that marriage-I had my feet deep in the midst)



VIPrincess bride is right, from my understanding that as your husband, he is first on the list when it comes to who gets what when there is no will. Plus if you are hesitant to put his name on the deed for whatever fear you may have that he will do later on........then don't marry him: People (even my own sweet DH) are going to do whatever they want.....I know that in the end I will be okay if he (my DH) decided to be untrue with my emotions, or my moneyb----My spirit is mine and God's alone and I will be okay.



Finally, my DH didn't really care if I put his name on the lease of our apartment-since he moved in with me, but I was willing to-same if I had already had a house. Truthfully in the kingdom of God he looks at you and he sees your husband, and he looks at your DH and sees you cause you are one. I think that the possibility of tension should send you straight to prayer on it and nothing else...Don't pray your DH sees it simply your way, pray that: 1. You BOTH understand BETTER where the other is feeling....Prayer for others to see things your way causes people to be frustrated and be mad at God thinking he is just WRONG....And 2. That you just put it in HIS hands and whatever the outcome: whether he lays it on your heart to put DH's name on the deed or not.-be ready simply to do HIS will, not simply Yours....





BTW: I have my own accounts and DH simply made his personal accts into the household accounts on his own decision....But we both have access to ALL the accounts....



Okay blah blah blah I've bored you enough...sorry-getting off my soapbox.

Bumblebeekee wrote:

Plus if you are hesitant to put his name on the deed for whatever fear you may have that he will do later on........then don't marry him: People (even my own sweet DH) are going to do whatever they want.....I know that in the end I will be okay if he (my DH) decided to be untrue with my emotions, or my moneyb----My spirit is mine and God's alone and I will be okay.

Bumble this all SOUNDS good, but keep in mind also that you have no children to think about. Everything changes when children are involved, especially if your child isn't your spouses child.

Everything that was in my name is still in my name. I have 2 children, one with DH. My policies, deeds, or anything else have not been updated since 2006. I'll break it down to how it will be done in January when everything is updated.



Life Insurance: My work policy (2x my salary) will go to DH. He will also get a SS check. My regular policy go to my mother since my children are minors and she will care for them if something happens to me.



Living Will: This is a MUST for anyone, esp. if you have children. This states that my mom will get the children. It also states she can't go spending that policy all willy nilly as my children must each have a trust fund of 1/3 the amount per child with the remaining 1/3 going to her for their care. She would also get a SS check for them. It also leaves them the house. I'm undecided if I will change the medical power of attorney over to DH but I think I will. I don't GUESS he will pull the plug prematurely! This document also lists all my accounts, assests, debts, etc so everything is in one place to make sure it is all settled. Also has funeral arrangement "suggestions."



House: As I stated this is going to my children. I will NOT add DH to the deed because they can put a lien on his property for any back child support. I will NOT have something I worked my arse off to get going to anyone that has nothing to do with me!



Anything that we get together from this point on will have both of our names on it. We'll make sure his 1/2 goes to his children including the one we have together (10% for each of his 5 kids) and my 1/2 goes to my children once again including the one we have together(25% each). Dang, that little heffer can clean up! I better watch her!

pamcrow wrote:

Plus if you are hesitant to put his name on the deed for whatever fear you may have that he will do later on........then don't marry him: People (even my own sweet DH) are going to do whatever they want.....I know that in the end I will be okay if he (my DH) decided to be untrue with my emotions, or my moneyb----My spirit is mine and God's alone and I will be okay.





Bumble this all SOUNDS good, but keep in mind also that you have no children to think about. Everything changes when children are involved, especially if your child isn't your spouses child.

Totally agree with you Pam. I love DH to death but it is my responsibility to make sure my children are taken care of as close as possible to the way I would have. I even protected them the best I can from themselves; the trust lays out 3 distribution dates for their money: 18, 25, and 30.

Keepup, it sounds like you are handling your bizness, sistah. GREAT plans you have there. I agree with you wholeheartedly about looking out for the children who you don't share with your husband, especially when the law and child support is involved (liens and such). People set it up like this all the time. You go into marriage in love and you become one, but you never know, life happens. It's best to have some peace of mind.

FutureMrsKeepUp wrote:

Everything that was in my name is still in my name. I have 2 children, one with DH. My policies, deeds, or anything else have not been updated since 2006. I'll break it down to how it will be done in January when everything is updated.


Life Insurance: My work policy (2x my salary) will go to DH. He will also get a SS check. My regular policy go to my mother since my children are minors and she will care for them if something happens to me.


Living Will: This is a MUST for anyone, esp. if you have children. This states that my mom will get the children. It also states she can't go spending that policy all willy nilly as my children must each have a trust fund of 1/3 the amount per child with the remaining 1/3 going to her for their care. She would also get a SS check for them. It also leaves them the house. I'm undecided if I will change the medical power of attorney over to DH but I think I will. I don't GUESS he will pull the plug prematurely! This document also lists all my accounts, assests, debts, etc so everything is in one place to make sure it is all settled. Also has funeral arrangement "suggestions."


House: As I stated this is going to my children. I will NOT add DH to the deed because they can put a lien on his property for any back child support. I will NOT have something I worked my arse off to get going to anyone that has nothing to do with me!


Anything that we get together from this point on will have both of our names on it. We'll make sure his 1/2 goes to his children including the one we have together (10% for each of his 5 kids) and my 1/2 goes to my children once again including the one we have together(25% each). Dang, that little heffer can clean up! I better watch her!

Glad you got your affairs in order!!! I have not broke my stuff down this far, BUT I will...you are right on point!



Bumble-I TOTALLY understand what you are saying!!! you are right in every aspect as the bond and union between man and wife and I pray that God can get me and him on one accord in this area--but I also agree with the other ladies on this one...because my son is not my DH's and I do have to make sure he is taken care of--I love my DH and I know he loves my son, but my mom or my sister will have to be responsible for him and take care of him...my DH will benefit also, but my responsibility is to my son first and foremost...

Here are some very informative articles on Love, Money, and Marriage:



Your 5 minute Guide to Love and Money



Hey, Baby, How's Your Credit?



Get Real Marriage is a Business



Marriage Means Updating Vital Papers



New His-and-Her Banking



9 Ways to Rein in a Spendthrift Spouse



Can You Stop a Money Train Wreck?



The Myth of the Marriage Penalty



Financial Infidelity is Rampant



9 Financial Signs of a Cheating Spouse





Knowledge is Power.

Thanks ViPrincessBride -- much appreciated!

FutureMrsKeepUp wrote:

We'll make sure his 1/2 goes to his children including the one we have together (10% for each of his 5 kids) and my 1/2 goes to my children once again including the one we have together(25% each). Dang, that little heffer can clean up! I better watch her!

LOL, that 35% might start looking real good to her. Seriously, it sounds like you really got your stuff together on this. I really need to get moving on getting a living will. I had a cousin who died unexpectedly recently and none of his affairs were in order. It turned into a big mess. One of his baby mamas made out BIG Time and not even thinking about his other children. The fall out from his decisions is what made me pose this question.

ViPrincessBride- Those articles were sooooo helpful!

ericka7921 wrote:

ViPrincessBride- Those articles were sooooo helpful!

Ericka, I'm glad they are of use to you. Your day is coming up soon, so you do need to talk with your FH A.S.A.P.

pamcrow wrote:

Plus if you are hesitant to put his name on the deed for whatever fear you may have that he will do later on........then don't marry him: People (even my own sweet DH) are going to do whatever they want.....I know that in the end I will be okay if he (my DH) decided to be untrue with my emotions, or my moneyb----My spirit is mine and God's alone and I will be okay.





Bumble this all SOUNDS good, but keep in mind also that you have no children to think about. Everything changes when children are involved, especially if your child isn't your spouses child.

I better backtrack...I didn't know ericka had kids in the mix-my bad....I was responding and thinking: Okay yes you handled the down payment and 1st month's mortgage....Are you worried that he is not going to may the mortgage? Then if not of course its your house then his name doesn't go on the deed...But I was just assuming he was going to do that automatically...I am comfused now....Why are you hesitant then?



As far as kids, I agree Cinny, they are a little more complex and the ladies like Turiya, Pamcrow, Future have to handle their business and to meit looks like they all have come up with plans that work for them and their husbands!



But I was saying if you don't want to put your own husband's name on the deed if he is paying mortgage too, especially with her being a brand new home buyer, then he is just renting from you! Why shouldn't his credit benefit from helping pay the mortgage on the house he is about to move into? I mean really when is a marriage-this is mine, that is yours? It's Ya'lls is what I am saying....He is basically helping your credit by helping you keep the mortgage paid with no benefit for himself but a little shelter over his head?!?! I am just trying to present an alternative view.....PLUS, depending on your state, some don't care, in the event of a divorce all assets go straigt down the middle without a pre-nup....So what does it matter. I am sorry you think your FH is naive for believing in his heart that you all will be together forever...I mean why not try to make it happen instead of waiting for disaster to happen-and planning for a disaster by setting this or that aside just in case....You can be realistic and actually believe in your heart that things will work out. Being realistic doesn't mean keeping deeds, finances totally separate...no matter what you gotta come to a consensus with him cause he doesn't sound like he is going to change his mind...plus why hurt him only for him to resent you later?

Woo. I am learning a lot from you all. We will be building a life together since neither one of us owns a home etc. I dont have any kids so at the moment my nieces and sister are my beneficiaries. I also any heirlooms I have to go to my nieces which I am sure will be ok as he has sons. What they want will silver. LOL

Question?

How does a wife protect herself from potential childsupport issues/ailimoly issues with a husband's ex?

I think you may not want to file together for starters....I am not sure about any benefits loss but you may want to start there. Many couples file separately. I did the first year we were married cause the deadline was like a month or so after the wedding, but we filed together this last tax season.



I'd love to hear some feedback on this one though!

Michele you may want to file "Married Filing Separetly" at tax time. That way you get the refund you are owed (if any) and he gets his. If they take it for other issues like child support you would still have yours. If you file together there is an innocent spouse form where you can get 1/2 the refund if he is set to have his taken though.



You may want to have separate bank accounts also. I have seen cases where a man's assets were frozen and it took time and a lot of court dates to get it straight. In the mean time that money was inaccessible. Another case I seen is where a man had his bank accounts seized. Every penny he had with no warning. They told him if they were joint accounts they would give 1/2 back but since they were not there was nothing he could do. I had to loan my friend his rent for that month, plus money for food and gas until his next check! And he had to stop his direct deposit.



Basically anything a person has access to goes down as an asset. This includes bank accounts, properties, stock, etc. When figuring child support and alimony it does not matter who is contributing to those assests, they only look at the value and determine the amount that person must pay based on a percentage of those assests. So if my DH and I had a joint account and I contribute 75% while he contributes 25% - doesn't matter. His child support can still be increased based of the fact that he has access to my 75%.

My Hubby and I file separately and I claim our daughter. This works well for us.



We each have our own bank accounts, and we have a joint account for household expenses, etc. We each have access to all accounts.

Ok, I think that we may also talk to a financail planner before we merge anything. That way we are protected.

FutureMrsKeepUp wrote:

Michele you may want to file "Married Filing Separetly" at tax time. That way you get the refund you are owed (if any) and he gets his. If they take it for other issues like child support you would still have yours. If you file together there is an innocent spouse form where you can get 1/2 the refund if he is set to have his taken though.


You may want to have separate bank accounts also. I have seen cases where a man's assets were frozen and it took time and a lot of court dates to get it straight. In the mean time that money was inaccessible. Another case I seen is where a man had his bank accounts seized. Every penny he had with no warning. They told him if they were joint accounts they would give 1/2 back but since they were not there was nothing he could do. I had to loan my friend his rent for that month, plus money for food and gas until his next check! And he had to stop his direct deposit.


Basically anything a person has access to goes down as an asset. This includes bank accounts, properties, stock, etc. When figuring child support and alimony it does not matter who is contributing to those assests, they only look at the value and determine the amount that person must pay based on a percentage of those assests. So if my DH and I had a joint account and I contribute 75% while he contributes 25% - doesn't matter. His child support can still be increased based of the fact that he has access to my 75%.

Oh. My. Goodness!



File separately if you marry a man with child support. Got it! Telling my friends. At least you are protected some what in that manner. Some women even keep their maiden names and keep everything separately just in case. But the courts don't play and neither do these disgruntled baby mamas who lose their man to another woman!