We want a formal wedding so we are not able to afford to have a huge reception. There are people that I would like toinvite to see the ceremony and I am sure they would love to come. I am thinking of having a light reception in the basement of the church after the wedding for guests who I cannot invite to the wedding. I attended a wedding like that once and I thought it was nice. Thoughts and what would I call it?

I have seen this done before......Its a great alternative but you have to remember that some guest might be offended that

they were not invited to the formal reception. You could address it

as a Celebration Hour.I HTH!

Ok, I'm not sure if this is what you mean to do and it is done all the time. If you cannot afford to feed all the guests that you'd like to invite, may I suggest first and foremost that you and your FH sit down and revise the guest list. Make 3 columns with the following heading: Must Invite, Should Invite, and Would Like To Invite. Please be honest with yourselves in creating this list. You will find that the people you'd would like to invite are not necessarily people that you must invite. Your priority should be to the column of those you must invite. Then from the list of names that are left over, you guys should decide who should fall into the "Should Invite" category. Once that is done, you'll be left with your list of "Would Like To Invite". As you know, it is the latter that usuually gets left out on the cutroom floor. You would like to invite the world, but realistically, we cannot.



Another thing, if you've already sent out your invitations and you're receiving RSVPs already, well, it's too late to disinvite someone to your wedding. What I would suggest is a "Champagne Reception" with just drinks and Hors D'oeuvres and of course, your Wedding Cake. People will mingle and talk and drink and snack on finger foods. They'll have a ball and you wouldn't have to worry about offending anyone. Then perhaps the next day, you could host a Post-Wedding Brunch for your "Must Invites" (of course you know that this list includes your bridal party and family).



Good luck to you and let me know if you need additional help.

Thank you, it is a year away but we wont be spending all our money on it because I want to buy a house soon after.

I am trying to accomodate people who would be upset about not being invited. My stance is I would only invite people if I could afford them at the reception but I know that some people may be okay with just coming to the ceremony so I wanted to have something small for them so they could share the day also.

I was thinking that I could have light fare for thme right after the ceremony and assign my sisters or someone to host while we take pictures and head to the reception site. Is that okay, you think.

michelerdh2005 ~ Ok, as a Wedding Planner, my advice to you is this: Since your wedding is some time off, again, you should sit with your FH and talk this over. This is very important in order not to have some hurt feelings. Now, I meant what I said about not being able to please or accommodate everyone. A wedding is all about you and your man, so make it about you two, but still be mindful of the feelings of others. That being said, in this situation, this is where your Maid or Matron of Honor gets to earn her stripes. You, your FH and your MOH would need to speak to the people for whom you plan on having the Cocktail Reception and tell them that due to financial difficulties, you cannot do a huge formal reception, therefore, your sister will host a Cocktail Reception in your honor to say "Thank You". You will have to devise a way to have your Formal Reception delayed either by 1 1/2 hour or 2 hours as you and your FH would definitely need to make an appearance and mingle with them. You can't just go about your business and take your pictures and leave them isolated in a room with your sister as hostess. It wouldn't look right. So, I would suggest that you host a "Cocktail Reception" for 2 hours. When you're ready to send out your invitations, you will be sending invitations to 2 separate receptions. To those that wouldn't be attending the Formal Reception, you will enclose the invitation to the "Cocktail Reception" and the rest will receive enclosures for the "Formal Reception". That way, you could take the first hour, after your wedding to take all the pictures you want at your church and such, while your sister play hostess those attending the "Cocktail Reception" only. Then, after you're done with pictures, you and your New Husband would make an appearance at your "Cocktail Reception" to thank your guests whom will not be joining you in the "Formal Reception" personally. Make sure to shake hands or kiss everyone and thank them for coming. You could spend a half an hour mingling with them and your husband, then, turn the rest over to your sister (hostess) for the additional half an hour. It is important to let them know that your wedding planner or your MOH advise them that this Cocktail Reception will only be for a couple of hours. Once that's over, your sister could then rejoin you at the "Formal Reception" once she make sure that the clean up process in under way and everyone has left the church's hall.



What do you think?

Thank you. I was thinking to keep it as informal as possible. Like if someone who is not invited were to ask about the wedding, I would just let him /her know that he or she is welcome to come to the ceremony and that there will be light fare immediately following the service. I didnt want to send out ceremony only invitations. I would just maybe give an interested party a generic invite with just the ceremony information it. Is that inappropriate? He and I do have to talk as he has a huge family and after them, their wont be much room for others. LOL

Ginoue I think that was wonderfully said good advise.

I'm sorry michelerdh2005 if I misunderstood, but I was under the impression that you'll be having a "Formal Wedding". If I misunderstood, I apologize. However, if I had it correctly, a "Formal Wedding" requires "Formal Invitations" a requirement that your guests are expected to dress formally for the occasion as well. Sorry, but you cannot have a "Formal Wedding" with generic invites. I'm sorry to sound harsh, though Lord knows that is not my intention. You don't want your wedding to come across as being confused. It's an all or nothing kind of a deal. I would suggest that perhaps scaling down your wedding a bit, if you truly want to do generic invitations (Informal Wedding), or perhaps do it somewhere in the middle (Semi-Formal Wedding). You and your bridal party could DIY your invitations and have it come out as if you spent hundreds on them. A little attention to details could make your wedding just as memorable as if you'd spend a lot.



Now if someone is not invited to your wedding and you're trying to keep cost down, I would advise you to just keep it simple. Just tell them that you'd set the date, but still working on the details with your wedding planner. You could tell them that the only thing you're both sure of is that the wedding will be at (blah, blah,) church, and that's all. If they're not invited, they're not invited. Unfortunately, my advice on how to handle this situation on my above post still holds. Unfortunately, you would have to send out wedding invitations with 2 different types of reception invites. So, please, have that honest talk with FH so you guys could come to terms as to your vision of your wedding and if you should need any additional help, please send me a note. I'll be more than happy to clear things up for you as you go through your planning process.



I understand the need to save money and wanting to buy a house in a year, but what I would suggest is to honestly have that talk with your FH so you'd both know honestly how much you want to spend on your wedding. Once you have that figure, let me know. I will devise a budget for you that will keep you to those numbers. I've never advised anyone to go into debts in order to finance their wedding and I would not start now, but it's great to have an approximate budget. You'll be surprise just what you can accomplish with a very detailed plan.



God bless you.

Thank you so much Pebbles!!! How are you holding up?

Ok Ginoe that was so on point I ain't got nothin' to add. lol. Pack the church and have a private reception. Why have a party for those not invited to the wedding at all? I could never understand that. Just send announcements and be done with it. You could send them each a really beautiful crystal favor and it would be less expensive than paying $15 - $25 a person for a light reception.

Ginoue, I thank you for your patience and aplogize for my ignorance. We do want a formal wedding. I am just clueless about how to handle the people who are not invited. I understand what you are saying about just making our list and then being done with it.

I was just looking for some ideas as I had attended a wedding where it was done that way and I wsnt invited to the reception and I was not at all offended. lol. I hope to meet with my planner in about two to three months. I will certainly keep that in mind. I am planning on having the formal invitations, etc.

Sister, just remember that you don't have to go broke in order to have a "Formal Wedding". It's just that the etiquette that follows such a wedding... Anyways, remember that it's your wedding, after all, you should have elements that are just about you, your FH and your day. A Formal Wedding could be all about "presentation", not the "amount spent". Don't try to please everyone and whatever the budget you and your FH established, try your best to stick with it. It may be hard in some places, but you'll be okay.



Good luck to you, my Nubian Sister.

I am planning to have a fancy affair and to cut the costs by limiting the number of guests. I mean it is about me and my family and the pictures for us to have for the kids. LOL

ATTA GIRL MICHELE!!!