Hello everyone! I'm still having trouble logging in but I wanted to ask you all to pray for me again. I'm so confused right now. Things haven't been going well for me lately. On January 20, my daughter's father was killed by the police in his area. I attended the funeral (I took it hard) and even though it had been years since we were together, it hurts to know that he's gone. Ever so often, I still cry about it. At one point, I questioned whether or not he was the person I was supposed to have been with because I couldn't understand why his death affected me the way that it did. I talked to his favorite cousin before the funeral and she told me that they had a conversation the weekend before he died. She says he told her "Out of all of the girls I ever been with, none of them were like my girl Jennifer". When he saw him laying in the casket, I paused for a few moments. It felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. I whispered "Rest in peace. I love you always" and as I turn to walk away, tears begin streaming down my face. I try not to dwell on what could have been but I can't help but to wonder.My marriage is in bad shape. At one time, I felt like I didn't want to be married anymore but now, I'm not sure. My hubby and I have been separated for some time but lately he seems like he's really trying to make it work. I know I've been "distant" toward him but I've been apprehensive about this. We spent Christmas together but MIL calls, asking him when is he coming home. Then, hubby puts her on speaker phone and I could hear her saying horrible things about me. When the conversation was over, I asked him why didn't he defend me and he just told me "Don't feed into her drama". I got mad, called MIL back and we got into a heated argument. I told her that now that I know how she really feels about me, she won't have to worry about hearing from me again. She calls the next day, wanting to apologize. She didn't apologize for what she said about me, she "wanted to apologize because I cussed". The only curse word she used was the word "damn" which is hardly a curse word in my opinion. I haven't talked to her since.I would like to try to make the marriage work and I asked him about "marriage counseling" and he's against it. I told him that if we're going to get back together, we need to join a church. I keep emphasizing that he needs to remember Ephesians 5, especially the verse that states "Forsaking all others and cleave unto your wife". I shouldn't have to compete with his mother, brother, his friends, etc. I would love for this marriage to work but I can't do it all by myself. I keep thinking that as soon as I give it the benefit of doubt, I'll just end up unhappy again.Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I welcome any and all advice from you all.  

Plat,
my heart broke reading your post...
First of all, it is ok to grieve for your daughters father.  Even though you guys have not been together for a long time,  you shared a precious bond--so your soul needs to grieve...
Secondly as for your marriage..continue to pray and ask God to move in the situation...pray for your husband for a clear understanding of what his responsibilties are as a husband  (forsaking ALL others) pray for  your MIL (even though I know it may be hard) and continue to pray for strength and healing for yourself because God is right there with you every step of the way..he knows the desires of your heart and has promised that he will always love you and take care of you-remember this is a test...you cannot have a testimony without first having a test! mediate with scripture and song and allow God to speak to you.  I will be praying for you!
Luv ya sweetie
 
 

Plat, first of all, I would like to offer my condolences on the loss of your child's father. You are really going through a lot. Please hold onto your faith that God will see you through. I understand the feelings you had/have for your ex. However, just because you care for or love a person doesn't mean that person is the right person to have in your life as a lover/boyfriend/husband. You and he broke up for a reason. Don't second guess yourself because you are now having marital problems with your husband. When I read your note, the first thing that struck me was, why in the world did your husband put his mother on speaker phone for you to hear the bad things she was saying about you? That was very insensitive to the both of you. It sounds to me like he enjoys the drama between you and her.  Then, he has the nerve to tell you, "Don't feed into her drama" ...and you're right, he didn't defend you.

You need marriage counseling, and he refuses. You're right, you can't make this marriage work without him in the equation.  I watched "Not Easily Broken" this past weekend. As the minister was saying to the couple, three beings need to be in this marriage..you, your husband, and God, not you, your husband, and a MIL. I'm keeping you in prayer Plat.

I was thinking the same speaker phone thing! Not only did he not defend you, he didn't at least take it off speaker to mask it. You're in my prayers ...you're a STRONG woman, and I pray God keeps you that way.

Hey Plat, my heart goes out to you!  I'd like to offer my condolensces to you for the loss of your daughter's father.  It is nothing wrong with greiving for the loss of someone that was dear to you.  I think your husband has a lot of growing up to do.  How dare him put his mother on speaker phone without regard for your feelings.  Shame on him!  Unfortunately until he desides that his marriage includes you and him alone, he will always struggle with including the peanut gallery (his mother, friends, etc.).  Platinum you are a wonderful woman and the fact that you want to join a church, and receive marriage counseling says that your committment is real.  You are right, you can't do it alone, however you and God are the majority and He knows what's best for you.  I pray that He gives you the peace that you deserve.  Continue to seek His guidance.  You are going about things the right way, continue to pray -- your breakthrough is coming!  God bless my sister!

Thanks everyone. I pray about this a lot but tonight, I'm thinking that this just isn't going to work. You're right, Rhony. He really needs to grow up! I'm tired of arguing and stressing. I got so angry that I told him "Let's just forget the whole thing. You go your way, I'll go mine". He was like "Is that what you want?". Twenty minutes later, he calls back saying that he really wants this marriage to work. He talked to one of his "boys" and he was told that he needs to do everything possible to keep me. (Whatever!)

Plat, be still until you hear from God.  He will let you know exactly what to do.  If your hubby wants the marriage to work, then he will make some changes -- even be willing to go to counseling.  You are a wonderful woman and hopefully he will wake up before it's too late!  While you are in your waiting period, Plat, be sure to take care of yourself emotionally and spiritually!  May God bless you continually, you deserve it!  I pray that your pain be replaced with joy unspeakable!  Be encouraged my sister!

Wow, I'm so very sorry your marriage is being tested yet again.  I will forever keep you in my prayers.  I understand what you're going through and I understand you wanting to throw in the towel, but like our sisters have said, wait on the Lord for the final word for there is no testimony without first going through the fire.  Hugging you sister!!!

Plat I think about you when you disappear!! Stay strong and we will pray. God will show you the way..

Thanks, Ladies. I've been doing a lot of praying and thinking.  Hubby seems to be trying hard to make our marriage work but I'm starting to feel like I'm ready to be single again. We spent this past weekend together and it was okay (except for the part where I got angry and cursed him out. Telling him how selfish he was for putting his mother, siblings, and friends before his wife). I told him that there's a lot of damage that's been done and it's going to take a long time for me to heal. Why did it have to take me to stop acting like I care in order to get his attention?
I feel foolish for spending so many hours trying to plan a wedding and after all is said and done, I'm so unhappy in the marriage. It makes me think that there was a reason why we had to cancel and reschedule our wedding so many times. Perhaps it was never meant to happen. I've stopped crying and stressing about this. It is what it is. I think about the Serenity Prayer and I meditate on it several times a day.