I'm living a real life "Baby Boy" situation. My son and fiance got into a fight while I was out of town. My son has been on my last nerves long before I met my fiance. He is now saying how he can't believe that I would marry "that abusive guy" and he assult him (my son). I'm so upset with the whole situation. I am trying to let my son finish school which is why at 20 he is still living with me. My daughter (18) who loved my fiance and called him dad has cooled to him dramatically. Now I have to make a choice. I love him very much and don't want to let him go. I love my children and want them to realize that they will be leaving and starting their own lives and I will be alone. David and I were preparing to go to counseling at my church when this happened. Now I'm just beside myself. I have sacrificed a lot for my children to get them to this point. I don't intend to continue to put my life on hold. Can't get into my pastor for a couple of weeks. He talked to one of the other reverends and has scheduled a meeting with him. My son is agnostic so no church sit down there. I have been told time and again to put him out and make him stand on his own two feet. I see now the folly of trying to get him through. He thinks I owe him even though I am paying for everything. So I need some advice.

zetablu04, I know this situation must be very difficult for you. But, my question is, what is your question? Your son has been on your last nerves since before your fiance came along. Granted, your son will always be your son, but it's time that he grew up. If he can't accept the fact that you're in love and happy, then maybe he needs to move out and you two may have a better relationship when he's out the house. (I've seen this happen). But also maybe you should try to have a talk with your son and fiance. Maybe all 3 of you can come to some solution that will cease the tension & hostility.

Oppppps, in my mind I had the question which is, "What do I do about this situation?"

I tried to have a sit down with the three/four of us. My son who is quite the Vanilla Ice, (raised in the suburbs and thinks he is hard core) won't listen.

Before this happen, I set a get out of my house deadline of December when school is out. Should I stick to that time line or just put him out now?

There is a lot going on here. your son is just going through hormonal issues. Boys are pretty ridiculous at that age. Even in the most normal housholds. What exactly caused the altercation between FH and your son? Why is the daughter cold to him all of a sudden. There are a lot of warning signs here that you should take seriously. Does your happiness come first in your mind or your own? Talk to your children ALONE. Promise that whatever is discussed stays private. Then you can decide what to do.

I agree with Rosetta, talk to your children. A lot of things are going on with your son. I do know that male children often have problems with other men, especially when the other man is not their father comes into their mother's life. Sometimes there are problems that manifest in a variety of ways and your fiance may not be the root of your son's problems. I'm sure you will be able to get through this. Continue to pray and always listen to your insticts, they will NEVER lead you astray.

I concur with Rosetta and Rhonda,...you need to spend some private time with your children to talk and find out where this negative attitude is coming from and why it reared its ugly head...(REMEMBER WE WRESTLE NOT AGAINST FLESH AND BLOOD) I also want to say to you that regardless of age, they are YOUR children and even though boys tend to cling to mommy (my son does he's 10) and your daughter got cold all of a sudden, this is something that should NOT be ignored. I know you love this man, but it is imperative that you get to the root of this problem before the wedding. I do not agee with putting your children out I do not care how old they are....I stand strong on this and I will not bend, children need to feel like they belong and if you make the mistake and put them out, you will loose the opportunity to be their mother and in the future someones grandmother because of hurt, I am a product of being put out at age 19 and not once have I returned, I am now 35, please do not put your children out.

And while you at it read this.. Trying to Blend a Family

As always pray about this situation! I agree with all the other ladies in regards to talking with both your children. An antenna went up for me when I read that your son asked you "how could you marry this abusive guy". What does he mean and has your FH been abusive to any of you? If so, that could be one of your problems. Your kids are basically grown in your mind but they still need and want their mother and they want the best for you. You MUST have a talk with them to see where this is coming from. Also, the fact that your FH fought with your son is not a good sign of things to come. Sometimes kids can just not want their mother to be with another man but then other times ther's a reason for it. My brother and I went through that when my mother divorced my father. We hated almost every guy she dated but it was because there was something about them that didn't sit well or that they weren't treating our mother right. Children are often good judges of characte. Ask them what is it about your FH that makes them not want you to marry him. Please, please before you just through your kids out, take a look at the situation and be honest with yourself about how important your relationship with both your jids and FH are to you. I pray that there is a resolution.