Hey ladies, my FH has friends who are married. He says that they are "hen pecked". He and several of the unmarried friends are always giving the married friends a hard way to go about their wives. My FH lately has been trying to prove to himself and his friends that he is not "hen pecked". This is causing me a little concern because he is doing things that he said he wouldn't do. For instance, he teaches marching band on some weekends which requires travel. I don't have a problem with that because he was doing that when I met him. Anyway, long story short. He told me that he will be away for the weekend. He told me that him and some of the other instructors will be staying at a fellow instructors home, which is in Staten Island. When I asked him for his itinerary, he told me that practice is in Newark. Newark is not that far from me and I don't understand the reason for being away for the weekend. When I asked him why can't he commute, he told me "I just need to get away, why can't I be a man, I'm being honest with you." This is unacceptable. Is he having issues, is this normal. I then retaliated by saying if you stay out all night, so will I! Please help. Is he having pre-marital jitters? My wedding is 6.5 months away and I am getting nervous.

How old is your FH? If he is teaching kids, they may be rubbing off! lol. It's normal for unmarrieds to give the marrieds a hard time. It's like when you had no kids. You can't understand why your friends with kids ouldn't leave them at home and come out on the town with you or why they can't stop talking about their darn children. It's the same when you get married. He is noticing that there is going to be a major change in his life and he may be a little freaked. trying to prove to the guys tht he won't change.

But just as when you hold your child in your arms the first time, he will definately not see anyone but you when he holds his WIFE in his arms for the first time. He won't CARE about being with the guys. They just won't GET it. But at long last, Rhony, he WILL!

Thanks Rosie, FH is 42. He is teaching young people between the ages of 16-21.

Ronnie, here's what I say. Personally, I trust my FH but I always have my gaurd up. You are right, JC is a hop, skip and a jump from Newark. There is absoultey no reason for him to stay at someones else's house. At 42, he is definitely a GROWN man. Why would he want to spend the weekend at someone else's home when he is that close to his own??? Maybe it's just me, but I get a little suspicious about situations like this. But then again, FH and I met at 21 years old and he has given me reasons in the past to keep my gaurd up. If you are uncomfortable with it, then let him know. If you are okay with it, then let it be.

I appreciate your input Bossie, I met FH when I was 21 also. As with you I trust my FH, but I keep my guard up. He has in the past given me reasons for concern. I am totally uncomfortable with this and I voiced my concerns to him. He still insists on going because he says "Why can't I just be a man?" I see no reason for him to be at someone else's house. I meant what I said too, that if he stays out, so will I (I'm going to my girlfriend's house).

what's funny to me is what makes him feel like a man by spending the weekend at someone else's house? Because he's proving that he has the say so? These men kill me. I'm with you. I would spned the night out too, even if I didn't want to, but I don't think I would have told him, just let him call you or stop by the house to see you weren't there. I've got to stop with the childish games sometimes, but I love to let them see how it feels when they do something. They don't understand our point otherwise.

OMG, it's amazing how sometimes we don't say anything until someone else says it. I had "issues" with FH in the past that made me put my guard up too. This final time that me and FH got back together, I was 3 months shy of my 21st birthday. We have been through A LOT of ups and downs but we hung in there with each other. But, that staying out all night thing is a no-no (for me it's a yes-yes). lol Newark is 15 minutes - 20 minutes from JC. And why would he stay in Staten Island which is farther away. Trust your womanly instincts.

But, you can fix him though - talk to him right before night, night time. Tell him, "you know what, I did some thinking...If you staying out all night is what makes you a man, when you're so close to home, then so be it. Evidentally, my feelings do not have any bearings on your decision. So, there's some things I think I need to do too, you know being that I'm a woman. And if you disagree, I'm quite sure you'll get over it like I have to get over this. But, remember though, I love you baby - good night."

We all have childish games that we can play, and if the time is feasible for them ------ let the games begin!!!!

I hear that!!!!!...That's what I'm talking about!!!

Men can give but they can't take....if he stays out you stay out too even if it means staying by mommy or a girlfriend and see how he likes it...I can't believe this man of 42 is having to deal with peer pressure at this stage of the game....I hope they are not in the bridal party.

I know that's right! One day FH pissed me off so bad that I drove around the darn corner and just sat in my car. (Let him tell it I actually went somewhere). 2 can play that game but the women are DEFINATELY the ones that come out on top.

I use to tell my ex-husband...women are so smart.... when men think about something a woman has thought about it 2 days prior.

The sistahood is awesome! Thanks. To tell you the truth ladies, I would rather stay at home in my own bed. However, to prove my point, in a language that he understands, I gotta do what I gotta do. Oh my goodness you ladies should've seen him this morning when I called my neice to see if my daughter could hang out with her this weekend. He was going crazy! Why can't she go with you? Why you gotta stay out? What are you being spiteful? I was honest with you? Why you gotta play games? When are you coming home? Charly you are right when you said they can't take it, but they can dish it out. Unfortunately, some of them (men that act like little boys) are in the bridal party. It truly bothers me that at my age, I have to play these stupid games. But I know that he will think twice before he stays out again. I just hope that I've made my point.

You will make your point if you say you are doing something and stick to it...the last thing you need him to see is that you are ok with his discussion by letting him know you are staying home in bed.

You are right Charly, I believe in making people a believer. He will be a believer after this weekend!

CharlotteModebe wrote:

I use to tell my ex-husband...women are so smart.... when men think about something a woman has thought about it 2 days prior.

Amen to that! Sometimes weeks before. lol

I was told what ever a man puts out you put out twice as much, so Rhonda maybe you should make it a weekend thing and stay 2 nights, I bet he wont stay out for no good reason again

I had that problem with Curt too. Then I started ignoring his calls when I go out (like he did to me), coming in whenever I felt like and offering no explanation. Now he calls frequently when he goes out.

Update. Ladies, I have to tell you that my fiance talked all of that stuff, but when I told him I was staying out too (I did). He went home. He didn't go anywhere. What happened to his "why can't I just be a man" gig! I stayed at my girlfriend's house and he blew my cell phone up all night! When I came home the next day he told me he only got 3 hours of sleep! I bet you he won't even mention staying out no more! Ladies, he has been made a believer, because I stuck to my guns and proved my point in a language he understands.

VERY GOOD RONY.....Not that we are encouraging ("I can do what you can do better") attitude but we are letting them see how the shoe feels on the other foot in a very subtle way. So proud of you

CharlotteModebe wrote:

VERY GOOD RONY.....Not that we are encouraging ("I can do what you can do better") attitude but we are letting them see how the shoe feels on the other foot in a very subtle way. So proud of you

Most men don't like it when the shoe is on the other foot. I am glad this is behind me. I like sleeping in my own bed!

WTG Rony! I know he didn't know what to do with himself. I bet you won't hear a peep about staying out all night either.

SeptBride wrote:

WTG Rony! I know he didn't know what to do with himself. I bet you won't hear a peep about staying out all night either.

Thanks Askalot, bro' man has been so nice to me that it isn't even funny! I am just too tickled. I really thought I would be in the dog house for staying out, but he hasn't bothered me about it. I just can't believe how these men are.

Girl, believe it. lol He's being EXTRA nice because he's scared he might say something to make you react again. lol

SeptBride wrote:

Girl, believe it. lol He's being EXTRA nice because he's scared he might say something to make you react again. lol

I believe that's true, I'm so unpredictable in his eyes. I have NEVER done anything like that before, so I guess he had something to think about. All bets are off, we are about to become husband & wife and there are some things I'm just not having!

I like it when they don't know what to say, it makes them think, and they don't do that to often. How many time has your mate said something mean and when they see the look on your face they go,'oh that came out wrong, I didn't mean to say that'? Geez

phenomonique wrote:

I like it when they don't know what to say, it makes them think, and they don't do that to often. How many time has your mate said something mean and when they see the look on your face they go,'oh that came out wrong, I didn't mean to say that'? Geez

You are so right Niquey!

phenomonique wrote:

How many time has your mate said something mean and when they see the look on your face they go,'oh that came out wrong, I didn't mean to say that'? Geez

Too many times. lol FH says I act like a detective - always having to dissect what he said. I always tell him - well, say what you mean and mean what you say.

SeptBride wrote:

How many time has your mate said something mean and when they see the look on your face they go,'oh that came out wrong, I didn't mean to say that'? Geez


Too many times. lol FH says I act like a detective - always having to dissect what he said. I always tell him - well, say what you mean and mean what you say.

Amen Askalot!