I was talking to a friend of mine over the phone. It's getting more and more difficult to talk to her after what she told me is going on in her family.

Don't get me wrong, I will always be her friend, but it's hard for me to bite my tongue. I get off the phone when I want to say something. It's her family-- her marriage.......... not my place to give my opinion.

Anyway........


She has a 10 year old daughter from a previous relationship.

She met her husband when her daughter was 3 years old.

They are married now and have a 1 year old daughter together.

She recently told me that they argue a lot about her first daughter. He came out and told her that he hated her daughter and that their marriage would be better if she was gone......... with her dad. This little girl is very sweet and somewhat timid-- so it's not like she's hard to handle. It seems to just be her presence in the house that gets to him and it started after his own child was born. He has helped raise the older one since she was 3. Did he not bond with her ?

My main problem is how can she stay with him. He wants her daughter gone!

Last time I talked with her she said he was going to go to counseling.

I can't see my self staying with someone, married or not, if he didn't like my daughter... especially if he had to go to therapy to deal with his feelings about her !

Would you stay in order to keep your marriage together ?
Would you be more apt to stay because they agreed to go to therapy ?

Please urge her to get out now. I'm all for marriage but not if it comes with conditions. If he has to go to counseling to deal with this, that's way past serious. How many times have we heard on the news or read in the paper about children being harmed or even killed by a parents spouse or companion. Just a few months ago a good friend of mine lost her 7 year old daughter, because her live in boyfriend beat the girl all day long (literally) because she accidentally broke the fish tank. Eventually when the beatings ended that night the little girl went into cardiac arest and died 2 days later. I'm not saying or hoping he'll hurt or assault the daughter physically or verbally but your friend should take his "truth" as a warning. There is a movie that comes on Lifetime a lot called "Bastard out of carolina" it's a prime example. I"m definently keep this girl and her mom in my prayers. Be strong Rosetta and tell her what you think. Just remember losing a friend (maybe) or not being spoken too is not as bad as what could happen. Please see if you can rent that movie, it's hard to watch but the message is right in your face.

can you go back and ask her if she picked up on the fact that he didn't like her daughters' presence BEFORE they got married?


something tells me she knew or could tell he had discomfort and overlooked it or denied it or never brought it up.


but either way they both decided to marry and so they need to go to counseling and DEAL...


i can't anwser the question because i wouldn't be with anyone if i knew they didn't like my kid. i can tell when folks don't want to be around my kid because it has happened. so therefore i don't be bothered with. it wouldn't even get to the point of marriage.

She was not receptive AT ALL to my suggestion that she get the hell away from that guy. Why do people treat their children this way?????

wow, youd think some women were hard up for a man. I can't beleive she's stil wearing her blinders. I'd suggest you just pray for her and for her daughter. I don't understand how women can let anyone come into there lives and make then completly forget about or neglect their children. I mean anyone that's carried a child for nine months and gone thru labor (mine was natural - ouch) can't possibly put all that aside for a peice of - - - -. At least I can't.

I am still reeling from the shock. Some people! I love my husband but damn!! I don't think I could put him before my baby. (She is just 5 months old and already the light of my whole world.) I am praying for them. I guess I need to let go and Let God.

Jasingel Go get an icon. Click on "My Forum Settings" at the top of your reply box and add an avatar. We have tons to choose from. Take your time and pic one. I am going to add wedding ones soon. You can change them anytime you like!

thanks, I got the icon.
As far as your emotions toward your child. I can relate completly. My son is 2 and my daughter is 3. She's adopted ( my neice by blood)but everytime one of them gets in trouble with my husband I feel bad. If my son gets popped I'm the one to grab him and rock him. I can't imagine someone even my husband not likeing him and I keep him around. Blood is thicker than water and a man can be replaced, but your child is your child forever. YOu know the saying mama's baby daddy's maybe. Rosetta just keep her and her baby's in prayer.

This is so crazy but the sad and true thing is things like this happens everyday. What happen to unconditional love. When she married this man he was to accept her and her child, Not one with out the other. I couldn't stay in a situation like that because this man is not loving me totally because my child is a part of me!!!

Bump!

Wow, I just came across this old post and was so sad to read it. I thought I would bump it because some couples do experience this situation. "Hate" is a very strong word. This man should never have married the child's mother in the first place. A mother and a child are a package deal. If you love the mother, you have to love her child too if you want to marry her. This goes for fathers and their children as well. There may be some difficulties adjusting, but hating the children? Oh, no.

Rosetta, whatever happened to your friend?

Relationships can be challenging enough in and of themselves. There is no way in hell that I would be with a man that told he that he hated my daughter. It is simply not open for discussion.

I am of the persuasion that if a woman marries a man with children or vice versa, IT IS A PACKAGED DEAL. The fact that this man help to raise her is beyond me. Something is definitely wrong with that picture.

I truly wish them the best. My heart goes out to the child involved because children know when they are not being loved unconditionally.

Its a package deal and it will either break you or make you. My FI has a littl girl and I knew if I got into a relationship with him I would have to except him and his daughter even though it was hard to deal with the babymama drama at first I stuck through because I love my FI and now adore and love his little girl as my own. If he cant except her daughter then he needs to hit the road! Its not fair for the child or your friend to have to go through such mess this late in the game. Obviously this has been going on since the beginning and now its hitting the fan she should have seen those signs then but sometimes we as women are blinded by love and just wanting to be married. I pray that she handles this situation soon because it will really have a big affect on her little girl.

My man has kids also but I dont do the drama. I tell him to just handle on his own and keep it out of our home. His son is a darling though. He is always at our place.
I am soooooo glad that I like his son. If I didnt, I wont be with him.

Wow, this is so hard to read. I couldn't imagine being in that situation. I have children and yes, they're nearly all out of my house and in the Universities of their choice, but after I divorced their father (I was 23 years old at the time) I made sure to stay by myself to raise my children. It wasn't about finding a man for me, it was about my kids because their father is not and have never been in their lives. I opted not to be in a realtionship for more than 6 years after the divorce. There is no way I could be with someone or be married to someone who just decided one day that just because he has his child now, he no longer wants mine from a previous relationship around. His bags would've been packed and by the door so fast it would make his head spin. Even at 23 years old, I didn't need a man to do for me and was taking care of myself and my children just fine. I will not compromise my children in any way, shape or form to please a man. A man can easily be replaced. Now, I bet you Rosie comes back and say that they got a divorce. What?!!!

Rosie, congrats on the baby! Are they still married?

Hell no to the 10th power!! I am with Rosie on this one...I love my husband, but my children are my world!! I know the word says that noone should be above your husband/wife etc besides GOD and I have had this debate with several people and my answers still stands-MY CHILD!!
I pray that this woman was able to open her eyes for her CHILDRENS sake, not only is this affecting her, but think of the affect it is having on her daughter! trust me, children know when they are not loved-and he probably plays favorites with his child and his step-daughter is seeing this..imagine what it could be doing to her self esteem, her self worth, her image of what a "man" is suppose to be 

VIPrincessBride wrote:

Bump!

Rosetta, whatever happened to your friend?

They are still together.The daughter is 15 now and seems fine. As far as I know he doesn't hit her or anything. He just felt that he could not disipline her because she wasn't his biological daughter and her biological father was still around. Another man's child kind of thing.
Soon2bmrsj: He is friendly with the older daughter but there is a more affectionate bond with his blood child which I guess is to be expected.

Ginoue: I respect your descsion to wait before remarrying. This situation really makes you think long and hard about starting a new relationship when you have a child outside of your current relationship.