My fiance and I just hit a major snag.Wwe have been together for five years.We took a break for about 7 months a year after me first got together, he began to see two other woman i recently found out about, but we were not even speaking.I have recently found out he has been unfaithful to me as recently as july of this year. I have to admit, altough I refuse to set a wedding date i do still want to be his wife. we have four beautiful children together, I am not sure what to do. He right now is not living with us, and I miss him terribly. please someone who has been through this tell me we can get through it.
My fiance and I just hit a major snag.Wwe have been together for five years.We took a break for about 7 months a year after me first got together, he began to see two other woman i recently found out about, but we were not even speaking.I have recently found out he has been unfaithful to me as recently as july of this year. I have to admit, altough I refuse to set a wedding date i do still want to be his wife. we have four beautiful children together, I am not sure what to do. He right now is not living with us, and I miss him terribly. please someone who has been through this tell me we can get through it.
MrzLugz, first let me tell you that my heart goes out to you. I KNOW the hurt you must be feeling right now. Now, yes, you can definately get through this, but it's going to take time. First, you must pray on it. It's only going to work if you and him both want it to work. Me and my FH have been together for 7 1/2 years and we went through a similar situation July '04 and I'm just now getting "over it". It was very hard though. Just keep praying over it and in God's time, everything will be okay. But, once again, BOTH of you have to want to make it work.
MrsLugz, my heart goes out to you as well. I have never been in this situation, so I cannot even imagine what you are going through. The fact that you two have four daughters together makes it even more difficult. You must ask yourself if you can forgive and trust him. Without these two factors -- it can make the relationship very, very difficult. I truly believe and trust in God. He has never failed me yet, and He never will. If you believe and trust in our Lord, give the situation to Him. If you are having trouble with trust and forgiveness, and you want your relationship to work with your man, ask God to help you to forgive and trust him; and perhaps counseling can help too. But like SeptBride said you both have to want the relationship -- not just you. I wish you and your family all the best. God Bless.
Blessed be the Lord my strength ......
MrzLugz I am so sorry you are going thru this hurt. Listen while it is admirable you are trying to learn to trust him again...the question that comes to mind is "Is he trust worthy?"...no I am not being inconsiderate but analyze the entire situation. Remember a leopard can not change its spots....do you think that he will change his ways after you marry him?...honestly! Please do not be upset, but it makes no sense sugar coating a really bad situation. The only way this man will change his ways is if he goes before the cross and repent of his sins. My advise to you is not to push the marriage, focus on "you", your girls and develop a relationship (if you don't have one) with the author and finisher of our faith...The almighty God. Pray to God and ask Him to remove this man out of your life if this is not who he ordained for you, ask him to give you the strength to get thru the pain. Remember God is faithful and He is not like man...ask and it shall be given, knock and the door will open... Be blesses, I love you and your daughters and always remember God moves people out of our path to take us to greater hights.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
Thank you so much ladies. I look at the children and everynight before he puts them to bed they ask when is he coming home. I want so hard to get past this, becuase it is still so new (two weeks) i find it hard. I find myself checkin his phone, and emails, (he has given me access) I have even spoken with the young lady, and asked her not to call. She was very offensive as if I were the one who had wronged her. When i see him all i canthink of is him being with her in the way were together when our children were concieved. I cringe at his touch and still find it hard to speak with him. I have asked him all the questions i can think some i shouldn't have asked it only made it worse for me. I want to work it out i really do. I am just so afraid of this happening again, once he reaches his Mid life crisis. This the first time this has happened to me, and I have no idea what to do.
MrzLugz I am so hurt for you this is really bringing tears to my eyes...please be careful and take it one day at a time....
I want you to know that God loves you and he wants only the best for you...we sometimes try to deal with situations ourselves and that is where we go wrong..let it go, THE BATTLE IS NOT YOURS...you are a child of the King, you deserve more and he will give you more if you let Jesus deal with it. Please be encouraged, I am going to pray for you I am coming against this demon in the mighty name of Jesus and I speak VICTORY in your life.....for you are more than a conquerer not because I say so but because God says so. Call on the name of Jesus...and watch the demon run....There is no one greater and he says just ask. You are in my prays, I speak life in this situation and you are a blessing and God has marvelous things in store for you.... receive it and believe it in the MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
MrsLugz, trust me, I know everythign that you're goign there - I've been there. I prayed on it and I just knew it was over for us (at the time we were together for 5 years). I went through the kids crying asking for him every night and I know the pain you feel seeing your kids upset. It drove me crazy. I couldn't handle it. So, I dropped to my knees and asked God to help us through this. After he came back home, it took a while for me to forgive & trust him. I must say that I did not see him being my FH then. You can see how long it took for HIM to gain my trust again. If you need to talk, please feel free to email me at Bambi612@aol.com. It's not easy and I know how I needed someone to talk to.
Marriages are built on trust. Rebuilding your love can take a lifetime. You are right to remain noncommital about a date. You need to forgive yourself for feeling guilty, confused even as if you are to blame, first before you both can move forward. We have a great article on this. Click Here
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Hi MrzLugz,
I'm so so sorry to hear about your situation. I too believe in prayer first but I want to suggest premarital counselling for the both of you if he is willing. I understand that you have not set a wedding date yet but it seems to me that breaking up with him right now is almost like going through a divorce - you have children and you
live(d) together. The last thing you want is to get married and then have a real divorce. That would be horrible not just for you but for the kids. So its probably best to stop and reevaluate the whole relationship and sometimes, having somone there who is a neutral party may help you both to see things more clearly.
The other thing I want to say is that although you are in this situation you are a child of God and you are precious and sacred to him as are your children. Decisions that you make now are the example to your girls about what they should and should not accept and to your boys about what is acceptable in their treatment of a woman. While splitting up a family is a horrible thing, not setting limits for yourself in terms of what you tolerate is a lesson that your children could repeat over and over again so don't be afraid to entertain the idea that 'getting through this' might mean 'getting out'.
My heart definitely goes out to you. I've been in a similar situation. Trust is so difficult. But, what God has for you, no one and NOTHING can pull apart. My FH and I worked with a counselor and we both set some "bottom line" standards for our relationship. Our "bottom line" standards didn't even have anything to do with each other. It was all about how we wanted to be treated as individuals. I know that there are somethings that I can't do because they will go against my Fiance's bottom line and HE WILL LEAVE ME if I cross his "bottom line." And, trust me, it's reciprical. As much as I love my fiance, at this point, if he crosses my "bottom line" then I will refinance my house and get a year's worth of intensive therapy if necessary. But, I WILL LEAVE HIM. I just hope I never have to. Now, by no means does this mean we haven't crossed some horrible boundaries before. We've been through it. But, with the help of the counselor and really praying together, we were able to put boundaries around our relationship and even around treatment we would receive from eachother. I am no longer the "I can endure all" martyr. I believe we mutually respect eachother now. And trust me, if we can make it, I know you can. Believe in eachother and believe in the possibility of happiness with God and hardwork. I'll be thinking of you!!!
Hello MrsLugz first and foremost, my heart goes out to you. I would like to suggest that you take care of yourself throughout all of this. I don't know where your husband-to-be stands in all of this. Is he willing to go to counseling? Relationships are built on respect, trust and love. Your future husband should respect you and your children. He must take responsibility for his behavior and realize that he has hurt you deeply. As the other ladies say --both of you have to want this relationship to work. I pray that you find peace and I wish you all the best.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
It has been a while since we have actually heard from MrzLugz...do we know how she and her daugthers are doing?
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
MrsLugz, I truly feel for you and what you are going through. But I myself was with this guy that I thought was the one. But after 7 1/2 years living with my "eyes wide shut," I finally woke up, opened my eyes and realized my true worth. I am a beautiful, independent, educated, black woman and I deserve to be treated in this manner! Now I am engaged to a handsome, loving, respectful, trusting Man!! You see God still answers prayers! So what I am saying to you is step out of the box and look at things from the outside of the box. You will see things clearer and be able to make better choice for you and your beautiful daughters. Pray and ask God to strenghten you mentally, physically and emotionally for whatever YOU decide to do. Good Luck to You and God Bless!!
Great advice divadown76!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Have we heard from Luggy in a while????, I wonder how she and her daughters are doing?
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.