I'm about to be married in 6 months. I have two girls and a little 2yr old boy I have adopted(he's my younger sister's baby, she passed earlier this year) My fiance has a 13 year old boy. My girls have decided that they will spend the bulk of Christmas Day with their father. I am a little hurt by this, because of course I assume that we and my fiance would spend this Christmas together. My oldest is also 13 and she let me know that she doesn't like to go over his house. I am so depressed and stressed by all of this. I realize that my children only spend every other weekend with their father, so it's only natural that they want to spend time with him. That still doesn't make it hurt any less. They have girl cousins on their father's side of the family to interact with. My fiance only has his 13 yr old son, so it's for them when there's no one for they to play with. What I 've had to realize is I must start letting them go, so I can deal with all of this better. I am literally on the verge of tears. I even thought about calling off the wedding. If anyone can give any suggestions I would great appreciate it. Any books on couping with blended families please let me know.
I'm about to be married in 6 months. I have two girls and a little 2yr old boy I have adopted(he's my younger sister's baby, she passed earlier this year) My fiance has a 13 year old boy. My girls have decided that they will spend the bulk of Christmas Day with their father. I am a little hurt by this, because of course I assume that we and my fiance would spend this Christmas together. My oldest is also 13 and she let me know that she doesn't like to go over his house. I am so depressed and stressed by all of this. I realize that my children only spend every other weekend with their father, so it's only natural that they want to spend time with him. That still doesn't make it hurt any less. They have girl cousins on their father's side of the family to interact with. My fiance only has his 13 yr old son, so it's for them when there's no one for they to play with. What I 've had to realize is I must start letting them go, so I can deal with all of this better. I am literally on the verge of tears. I even thought about calling off the wedding. If anyone can give any suggestions I would great appreciate it. Any books on couping with blended families please let me know.
Hi brownskingal....I am so sorry you are going thru this drama. However; bare in mind that your girl is at that point of changing life to become a young woman so her actions at this point is understandable. Did you express to them how important it is they spend Christmas with you....Have you asked why they do not like to go to your FH's house...I am not comfortbale with that....even though she is approaching adult....she is still a child and it is very important that you hear her out...sometimes they hide things they think will hurt you and while you are getting married in 6 months, the marrage is not important enough to lose your relationship with your daughter. Stop everything and have a one on one. Children are very innocent and because of this, their actions [espeially strange actions] should not be taken lightly. I can feel you are being torn between--but do some investigations and I am sure everything will work itself out. Be Blessed my friend.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
Charlotte,
Thanks for the advice. My daughter and I have talked about all of this. She likes my FH, I have been divorced for 7 yrs and their father is already remarried. They are so accustomed to having all of my time and feel that I wont have time for them once I'm married. I assure them that no one can take their place. That my love for them will always be there. I ask that you continue to pray for us and we walk this journey.
Brownskin I am so pleased thats all the problem was---i mean that is small things that can work itself out. I too am divorced and my husband has remarried so I can identify what you are saying. You gat my prays precious.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
We are all praying for you. You are truly special taking care of so many people and now you will add a new husband and son in to the mix. You are blessed with all their love and it will see you through all the drama. You have tons of christmases to spend with your new family. They just want to play with their cousins is all I guess. try to incorporate them into your wedding. This article has great ways of making a blended family feel whole. Good luck and Welcome to my wedding website.
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Brownskigal...that's the queen Diva there. Rosetta, who is that fabulous lady on the front page...do I happen to know her....hmmmmm
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
I can't imagine how difficult this must be. But I think I have some good news for you. I'm a middle school teacher and I can just about guarantee that your daughters' feelings have much less to do with you and your fiance than you think. Developmentally, 13 year olds are very self absorbed. It could everything to do with them playing and just hanging out. They don't yet have the ability to look at things from your adult perspective. I know it's difficult, but they're just being kids. I can tell from your e-mail what a loving parent you are. Just enjoy your time as a newly engaged woman that has a wealth of family that loves and support you. Congratulations! I'm sure everything will be fine.
Excellent advice teacher girlll.....I hope I can find you when my kids are ready for GLAT or SAT's. lol
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.