Ladies...I just need to vent! It has certainly been a struggle for me to build a relationship with my FMIL. I am marrying her only child, and she is having a hard time with the transition. She's pulled many stunts, but this last one...wow! She just informed me that she's already purchased her attire for the wedding...a WHITE LACE AND CHIFON dress. This is a woman who has never been married, and is hell bent on hi-jacking my wedding. When I informed her that she was to be wearing Champagne or Taupe, she pitched a huge fit about not being able to afford another dress (apparently she already wore the dress and it can't be returned). We finally agreed that she'd be buying another outfit, then today she put my FH up to calling me to try to get me to change my mind about it, and she's refusing to pay for her portion of the wedding if she has to buy another dress! Yall, this woman is a mess. I really think she may show up to our wedding in her demi-wedding dress!
Ladies...I just need to vent! It has certainly been a struggle for me to build a relationship with my FMIL. I am marrying her only child, and she is having a hard time with the transition. She's pulled many stunts, but this last one...wow! She just informed me that she's already purchased her attire for the wedding...a WHITE LACE AND CHIFON dress. This is a woman who has never been married, and is hell bent on hi-jacking my wedding. When I informed her that she was to be wearing Champagne or Taupe, she pitched a huge fit about not being able to afford another dress (apparently she already wore the dress and it can't be returned). We finally agreed that she'd be buying another outfit, then today she put my FH up to calling me to try to get me to change my mind about it, and she's refusing to pay for her portion of the wedding if she has to buy another dress! Yall, this woman is a mess. I really think she may show up to our wedding in her demi-wedding dress!
A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.
Gandhi~
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Your story remind me of the movie "Monster-In-Law". I really don't even know how to tell you to handle this situation. I'm sure some of the other sista's can offer some help. I hop it all turn out well. Good luck.
OMG nnwrigh I feel for you. I know that sometimes mother's have a hard time letting go of their sons. (Especially an only child). My FH is the youngest, his mom is deceased but when she was living she gave me hell. All I can say to you is just try and focus on having the wedding of your dreams. ABSOLUTELY NO ONE CAN STEAL YOUR JOY! Even if they try. Shame on this woman. She really needs to get a life!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
A couple of people have compared our situation to that movie! Girl, it's so real. She never ceases to amaze me. Without fail, she's got some drama to dish at least once a month. But, I love my man, and Mom's part of the package!
A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.
Gandhi~
nn, what exactly is her portion of the wedding? Do you absolutely need her to pay for it? If not, I would tell her don't pay for it and go buy herself another dress. No one told her to be so fast and buy a dress. My wedding dress will be ivory and NO ONE in the wedding party will be wearing ivory except for FH & the flower girl (if I can find her a dress to match mine). It's a shame how people will try to steal the spotlight from you on your wedding day.
Wow...I just do not know how you can deal with this other than praying. Continue to plan your wedding, she is really trying to discourage you but you must not let her see she is affecting you - as hard as that sounds try and just move forward.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
If it's feasible for you, I would definately tell her to keep her money, and go buy another dress!
If it's not feasible, then there's not too much you can do. Just reassure her that she WILL look foolish! She may call herself trying to steal your spotlight, but she doesn't realize that the only spotlight she will have will be in a negative way. Believe me, your guests will look at her and think to themselves "what the h*ll was she thinking when she picked out that dress??"
NO ONE can steal your spotlight on your wedding day no matter who it is, so try not to worry about it too much. I know that's easier said than done, but just try to remember that.
I swear, I don't understand people. I vow to myself that when my son gets married, I am going to be the best mother in law I can be (as long as I like her:):)
*If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
[quote="bride2be805"]
I vow to myself that when my son gets married, I am going to be the best mother in law I can be (as long as I like her:):)
[/quote]
Too funny!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I think that maybe I can help a little with this one. You see I met my husband when I was 12 and we were friends until I was 16 and then we started dating. We have been married since I was 19 and I will be 30 next month! I have known him a really long time and my mother in law is now deceased ( she passed last year) and we had a really special relationship where she loved me and refferd to me as her daughter, but out relationship was not ALWAYS that way... Trust me she tried me on more than one occaision but my husband being the wonderful man that he is pulled her to the side and told her that I was his choice and that while he loved and respected her that he needed for her to do the same for me. Also I stood my ground with her by respectfully telling her that while I too loved and respected that she needed to meet me halfway. It is very hard to do that sometimes but you would rather have her respect than anything else. Now onto your situation, don't shoot me but I think that the both of you are giving her too much attention. Ignore her and let her wear whatever creation she wants. YOU are the bride it is your day and no matter what she wears or does everybody WILL be focused on you. Trust me on this. Also she will only succeed in looking foolish if she wears that and people will see what she is trying to do. Please don't let her antics upset you or diminsh your joy in any way. You are hopefully going to have a long and happy marriage with this man it is best to learn to deal with her now. Let her know that no matter what she does you are going to be happy also let her know that she needs to respect you but if she chooses not to do that then just ignore her. Sorry this is so long but I just wanted to give you another point of view on this subject.
Were getting married.........again!
Alright Tara, great advice!!!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Thanks Ladies for all of the advice. Tara, you bring up an interesting point. I too have known my FH and his family since we were kids, and it will be a challenge to begin looking at my relationship with my FMIL from a different perspective in that she will be my mother. She and I have had some issues around respect ever since I was younger b/c of a drug addiction she had when my FH and I were in High School. Since then, she's been working to earn my respect, and me, hers. In fact, I went to our hometown this past weekend for one day for my sisters graduation, and didn't get a chance to stop by to see FMIL. She was really offended and told my FH that she felt disrespected. Well, I understand how she could have felt that way, so I apologized. I guess that's why I'm so pissed about this dress situation. Respect is a two way street. You have to give it to earn it. And for her to pull this stunt right after demanding my respect...hmmm...I may just need to talk to her.
A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.
Gandhi~
[quote="nnwrigh"] Respect is a two way street. You have to give it to earn it. And for her to pull this stunt right after demanding my respect...hmmm...I may just need to talk to her.
[/quote]
I think a good heart to heart is in order. You are right respect is a two way street. You should let her know how you feel. Hopefully she will change her mind. I wish you the best with this one!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Please see the new post for an update.
A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.
Gandhi~
Hang in there NN, you did the right thing!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37