So, many of you read my post yesterday about the FMIL drama I was having. After reading all of the wonderful advice, I decided it was time for a heart to heart. I made the call today, and calmly explained to her that out of respect, I would like for her to wear the taupe that we had originally discussed. Well, she got pissed off, and the truth came out: she intentionally bought the dress to disrespect me on my wedding day b/c my FH and I didn't spend the whole day with her this past Christmas. He and I made a decision to spend Christmas together as a couple, and we spent our time equally at my family's house and his family's house. Clearly she is having a hard time letting go of her only child, not to mention that she's been dating a married man for the past 15 years and has not had a wedding of her own. She has used my FH as an emotional crutch for most of his life, and now that that possibility is fading, she's having a big moment. Well, the conversation ended when she slammed the phone down in my face. I called back to try to come to a civil conclusion, she called me a b*tch and told me to not call her MF'ing house again. Okay ladies, she has officially lost it! My only concern at this point is that this is going to cause a strain on my relationship with my FH three months before our wedding. And, I feel like he knew it was coming, b/c he tried to get me to just look over her antics with the dress. I think ultimately he's afraid of losing his mom. Any advice on how to handle this escalation?
So, many of you read my post yesterday about the FMIL drama I was having. After reading all of the wonderful advice, I decided it was time for a heart to heart. I made the call today, and calmly explained to her that out of respect, I would like for her to wear the taupe that we had originally discussed. Well, she got pissed off, and the truth came out: she intentionally bought the dress to disrespect me on my wedding day b/c my FH and I didn't spend the whole day with her this past Christmas. He and I made a decision to spend Christmas together as a couple, and we spent our time equally at my family's house and his family's house. Clearly she is having a hard time letting go of her only child, not to mention that she's been dating a married man for the past 15 years and has not had a wedding of her own. She has used my FH as an emotional crutch for most of his life, and now that that possibility is fading, she's having a big moment. Well, the conversation ended when she slammed the phone down in my face. I called back to try to come to a civil conclusion, she called me a b*tch and told me to not call her MF'ing house again. Okay ladies, she has officially lost it! My only concern at this point is that this is going to cause a strain on my relationship with my FH three months before our wedding. And, I feel like he knew it was coming, b/c he tried to get me to just look over her antics with the dress. I think ultimately he's afraid of losing his mom. Any advice on how to handle this escalation?
A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.
Gandhi~
Oh nn. I feel for you. You did your part with trying to be the bigger person and she acted like a child. Have you spoken to your FH about what happened with the phone call? Yes, she really has some major issues! What did she say for you to say "and the truth came out: she intentionally bought the dress to disrespect me on my wedding day b/c my FH and I didn't spend the whole day with her this past Christmas" Did she say "I bought the dress on purpose to disrepect you becuase of what happened on Christmas"? I'm asking because I really want to know how she could have even worded that foolishness.
NN, I think you did the right thing by trying to have a heart-to-heart with FMIL. The truth of the matter is that she is jealous. She may feel like she is losing her only child. Also the fact that she has never had a wedding of her own may have a lot to do with it. You said the truth came out when she mentioned how she felt about Christmas Day. She has a lot of unresolved issues and I wouldn't take it personally. I feel bad that you are the person she has chosen to take her issues out on. Hopefully your FMIL will not allow this to come between her relationship with her son. It is up to you and your fiance not to allow his mom to come in between the two of you. I would leave it alone at this point. Sometimes, time has a way of healing all. Continue to remain prayerful. I wish you guys all the best!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Well Septbride, when I told her that I felt that it was disrespectful for her to wear the white, she responded with: "Well, it was disrespectful that yall didn't spend Christmas here with me." So, that's what lead me to believe that she intentionally bought the white as a payback.
A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave.
Gandhi~
Well, look at it in this light; she's living the wedding she'll never have through you. Don't let her vicious intent bother you or you day. She's the one who'll look like the fool in the end. If she acted that way with you i'm sure others have seem that side of her too. I personally wouldn't take any pictures with her, cause I can't fake it that far. She'll be okay stewing in her misery, you just make sure that you don't fall in that pot!
Living my life like it's GOLDEN!!
nn, I have been where you are, my MIL did not attend our wedding, she and my sil arrived after the wedding. As a matter of fact she had on a black and brown sun dress, my sil had on a red t-shirt dress. My colors were white and purple. She to had a hard time letting her son go (he was her money machine). We have a good time at the wedding and have had a great life together as husband and wife. Do not worry about her she will eventually come around, do not worry about her, but learn which battles are worth fighting. We are renewing our vows and I do not care if she shows up in shorts I am going to have a good time, she is the one that looks crazy not us. I am going to enjoy my day again and not let her take my joy. She is how she is and some people you have to pray about and God will eventaully turn things around. Sorry its so long. Enjoy your day girl.:):)
MzKkz, great advice!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
NN,my heart goes out to you.The devil is busy!I know it hurts but PLEASE,keep you head up.She did this out of jealousy because she's unhappy with her life.Don't let her steal your joy.Believe me,she's the one missing out on having a good DIL.Just pray for her as well as yourself.God bless you!
Born Blessed!
WOW!!!...This one of over the hedge....MIL needs to stop, she is being very selfish - I give you credit for spending some time with her in the Christmas and I totally understand you wanting to spend some private time with FH...she needs to respect that he is about ot have a wife and move on.
Charlotte wishes you all a beautiful Christmas filled with loads of love, laughter and the true meaning of this blessed season.
Well I hate to say it but I told you that it would be best to ignore her. The one thing that I have learned about people is that you can not make someone love you or like you. However, what you do want is respect and when she sees that she cannot ruffle your feathers and that you are immune to her messy antics and pettiness she won't have a choice but to respect you. I will say it again!!! Let her wear whatever she wants, you are the bride and you will shine no matter what she does. Your mil will feel foolish and embarrased when people are whispering about how awful she looks. Stop trying to change something that you have no control over and enjoy this time in your life.
Were getting married.........again!
My prayers are with you NN! I trust that this situation will work out for your good in the end. Be encouraged.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I agree with Tara.My FMIL and I were discussing my situation about my FH's SIL.We don't get along and she's very disrespectful.MIL said continue to speak to her but "feed her with a long handled spoon".
NN,Don't give her the satisfaction of letting her know that she upsets you.She'll only continue to bother you.
Born Blessed!