I put "It's", but there really should have been a "sh" before it.
FH's family is pissed off right now because I didn't put FH's dad's name on the invitation. He has not helped with any aspect of this wedding, nor does he show any interest in it, at all!
FH and I have been engaged since September, and not one time has his dad mentioned anything about the wedding to me. Not even a "congratulations". My mom has busted her a$$ to help us out with this wedding, so I felt it wasn't fair to her to give someone else the same credit as her, when they definately don't deserve it.
Plus, I have seen plenty of invitations where only the brides parents names were on there. Was I wrong?
I put "It's", but there really should have been a "sh" before it.
FH's family is pissed off right now because I didn't put FH's dad's name on the invitation. He has not helped with any aspect of this wedding, nor does he show any interest in it, at all!
FH and I have been engaged since September, and not one time has his dad mentioned anything about the wedding to me. Not even a "congratulations". My mom has busted her a$$ to help us out with this wedding, so I felt it wasn't fair to her to give someone else the same credit as her, when they definately don't deserve it.
Plus, I have seen plenty of invitations where only the brides parents names were on there. Was I wrong?
*If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
Personally I don't think you are wrong. That decision is up to you, and your fiance. Secondly what kind of a relationship does your fiance have with his dad? It doesn't sound like it is a close one, but I don't want to make any assumptions. I'm with you, if FHs father didn't even offer you guys a congratulations, then why should he get any "glory". One thing I have to say B2B is you can't please everyone. People will always find something to complain about. Go on and enjoy your day girl.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Fh and his dad have a weird relationship. They are close for like 6 months, then don't talk to each other for 3 months, and so on and so on.
At this point, I don't even care. This wasn't meant to hurt anyones feelings. I was just trying to do what proper "etiquette" said to do, by putting those names who are hosting on the invitation.
Even if FH's dad would have showed some kind of interest in the wedding, not even talking about finanically, then that may have been different, but the way I looked at it, why would you care if your name is not on something you don't give a rats a$$ about anyway??
*If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I must ask, how does your fiance fill about this? Does he support you?
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Yes. Actually, before I got the invitations printed, I asked him if he thinks we should add his father's name. He said no.
Now, in a way, FH feels bad about it (and me too), but at the same time, we feel like what we did was right. FH and I didn't know anything about wedding etiquette until we started planning our wedding. I did alot of research on the internet to come up with the decisions I made on various aspects of the wedding. Everywhere I read, it said "Whoever is hosting, only their names go on the invitation"
We only feel a little bad now because no matter how we feel about our parents sometimes, we don't take any pleasure in knowing we hurt their feelings.
*If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
I understand. How are you guys going to handle this delicate situation? Will you offer FH's dad an apology, explaining that it was not your intent to hurt his feelings?
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I'm not sure. I don't know if we should apologize, or just leave it alone.
The only reason I'm concerned about apologizing is because it may turn into more.
It's like, "we are sorry for hurting your feelings, BUT, if you would have helped us, or showed some interest, then we wouldn't be in this perdicument".
Even though we ARE sorry, I don't think it's fair to let him think we were 100% wrong, and that we had no reason to do what we did. You understand?
*If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
I understand. When I mentioned apologizing I just meant something like "Sorry dad, it was not our intention to hurt your feelings by not putting your name on the invite", that's it. But I could also see how things could get out of hand. Has your future FIL said anything to you guys about it or is it just his family?
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
FH's sister called FH and asked. We are not sure if FH's dad said something to her, and that's why she called, or if she just called on her own.
I'm sure it will all come out by the end of the day.
*If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
It may not even be a concern for your future FIL. Sometimes others have a way of magnifying things. In any event B2B you seem like you can certainly handle yourself. I hope things work out for you guys. The last thing you need, being that it is so close to your wedding is to have unnecessary stress. Hang in there girl!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I have to put my two cents in because I can relate. My father has passed on but when he was here, despite the fact that he wasn't involved, didn't show any interest whatsoever, or didn't say a word, he expected to still be a part of whatever was going on with the family. He didn
Just want to clarify something...........I didn't put MIL's name on the invite.
I only put my name, FH's name, and my mother's name.
*If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
You know B2B, things have a way of working out. Enjoy this time and don't let anything upset you. It's easy for me to say that LOL, every now and then I feel like I am losing my mind!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Since it is already too late to add his name to the invitations, perhaps a mention in your wedding programs might work? That way he gets mentioned, and feels less slighted -- a compromise of sorts.
But weddings are a lot of work -- they are elegant to extravagant parties and the people who do the inviting are the HOSTS (meaning they foot the bill, or they help out in each and every way they can).
If FFIL didn't help with planning (or paying), then I think you had every right to give credit to those who did (namely your parents). They did the work, they are the hosts; they get top billing (or in this case only billing) on the invites.
Have a great day!
Serenity
Well it's to late to put the crap back into the horse. I agre offer an I'm sorry it offened you and move forward. When you're planning a wedding someone always gets their feelings hurt. You can't please everyone. That day belongs to you and you FH, the family is invited to share the day, not make the day.
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[quote="phenomonique"]Well it's to late to put the crap back into the horse. I agre offer an I'm sorry it offened you and move forward. When you're planning a wedding someone always gets their feelings hurt. You can't please everyone. That day belongs to you and you FH, the family is invited to share the day, not make the day.
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I agree here....but I would definitely say that whatever you do from today, just go ahead and consult the Master, especially if there is a chance that you may have to slight some folks....and its defintely best to take the high road (as some of the vibrides have already said) because in the end, no one can't say that you did not try to set things straight even though by rights you don't have to!
It feels good when you take the high road because you know in the end you did the right thing....and if they don't accept your apology, then move on girl! You have to keep on planning and the truth is we as women have to keep things moving...keep them on track!
I am learning so much from you guys, and I see now I will have to inform my parents and step parents and the future in-laws that whoever helps foot the bill will go on this invite, and those who don't can participate in the wedding in some shape or form (as suggested by one of the vibrides earlier)...Or at least I can educate them on how the invites are supposed to be written...or a crash course on invite ettiquette!
Oh yeah....someone mention to include him in the program with a role, but if he doesn't play a role (like scripture reading or something)...put him in the acknowledgements and thank you section....as a simple act of courtesy:)
I know B2B will find some resolution from this....Be encouraged...be blessed:)
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Great advice Ladies! I must say that I agree with you all but like Niquey said it's done now you just have to move forward. I will say that because someone is not offering to pay for the wedding doesn't mean that they are not in support. They just may not have the funds to do so. Some people just don't know how to assist you if they feel that financially they can't help. However, they could be asked to do simple things like pick up things, etc. Pray about it and simply let it go. For my in my parents will be the hosts but my FH parents will be mentioned under his name( son of.. .....) They are paying for things and for our entire honeymoon but they are included not because of financial reasons but because we know that they are supportive.
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[quote="PureBliss"]Great advice Ladies! I must say that I agree with you all but like Niquey said it's done now you just have to move forward. I will say that because someone is not offering to pay for the wedding doesn't mean that they are not in support. They just may not have the funds to do so. Some people just don't know how to assist you if they feel that financially they can't help. However, they could be asked to do simple things like pick up things, etc. Pray about it and simply let it go. For my in my parents will be the hosts but my FH parents will be mentioned under his name( son of.. .....) They are paying for things and for our entire honeymoon but they are included not because of financial reasons but because we know that they are supportive.
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Pure Bliss you make an interesting point, and I didn't even look at it like that-and you are so right too...I'm glad to be here to see so many different and very important points of view....plus everyone's honesty is important! Pray on girls:)
We've been Happily Married 2 Years and Counting:)
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The sistahood is wonderful, always willing to give great advice. You ladies are an awesome support system!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Pure Bliss, I agree with you 110%, but the difference here is, FH's dad has NOT shown ANY type of support, not just financial. We have been engaged since September, and he has NEVER even mentioned the wedding to me. He hasn't even said Congratulations.
That is why the more I think about it, the more I don't care any more. I wish I would have put his name on there just to keep the peace, but in reality, it shouldn't be on there anyway. The way I look at it, your son is getting married, and you don't give a rats a$$, so why should we give one about how you feel? I know that's the petty side of me coming out, but my wedding is less than two months away, and I am under a lot of stress. I am slowly developing the "I don't care" attitude. Pray for me ladies, I need you all right through here!
*If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
B2B, we have your back girl!!!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Bride2be, Stop stressing about the invitation wording. Your FFIL sees that things are looking great and coming along fine so now he wants to be a part of this "great thing". Too late. No time for sugar coating. The guests will know "he ain't help not one bit."
Do not feel guilty about anything.
God is good all the time and all the time God is good
Straight and to the point.
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
My parents footed the bill for a most of the wedding and my husband's family didn't pay for anything(FIL MIA). I looked at it as the people responsible for bringing him into this world and I wouldn't be marrying him if it were not for them. They were all on the invitation out of respect.
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I think these are all valid points, B2B as far as you know, your FFIL doesn't even care that he isn't mentioned, all this because of a phone call from your FSIL. I wouldn't apologize to him simply because he may not care either way. If he approaches you about it then say "Im sorry that your were offended" otherwise let it go. If its not bothering him, it certainly shouldn't be bothering you. whats done is done. Its so easy to stress over every little supposed slight especially with so short an amount of time left to get it all together. Not this one, let it go.
9 days til my wedding!!!!
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Welcome to the site deehawk! And congratulations on your upcoming (real soon) wedding. God bless!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
GIRL DONT EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT! ITS YOUR DAY SO DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT. PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS FIND SOMETHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT, IF ITS NOT THE INVITATIONS IT WILL BE SOMETHING ELSE. I DONT BLAME YOU FOR GIVING YOUR MOTHER PROPS SHE DESERVED IT
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That's so true!
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I'VE JUST READ ALL YOUR RESPONSES AND LET ME SAY YOU ARE ALL A GROUP OF ENLIGHTENED SISTERS.....NOW A FELICIAISM..IN THE WORD'S OF MY MENTOR BERNIE MAC, HE DIDNT DO SH*T HE DON'T DESERVE SH*T!!! IF YOU START BENDING OVER BACKWARDS FOR UNFAIR COMPROMISES NOW, YOU WILL ALWAYS DO SO. THE ONLY PERSON YOU NEED TO PLEASE IN THIS SITUATION IS FH! I REPEAT, THE ONLY PERSON YOU NEED TO PLEASE IN THIS SITUATION IS FH! NEITHER OF YOU MEANT TO OFFEND. HE AGREED W/YOUR 1ST DECISION. THAT'S IT, THAT'S ALL. WHEN YOU MARRY, YOU FORSAKE MOTHER, FATHER, SISTER,BROTHER. THIS IS JUST GOOD PRACTICE. THEY WILL ALWAYS HAVE AN OPINION AND A PROBLEM W/SOME DECISION YOU GUYS MAKE FOR NOW ON. YOU ONLY NEED TO DISCUSS DECISIONS W/EACH OTHER. THIS IS PETTY. YOU GAVE CREDIT WHERE CREDIT WAS DUE. YOU DID NT INCLUDE BOTH YOUR PARENTS SO WHY???? TRADITIONALLY, THE PARENTS ARE MENTIONED SINCE THE BRIDE'S FAMILY PAYS FOR THE WEDDING AND THE GROOM'S FAMILY PAYS FOR THE REHEARSAL DINNER. IS THIS A TRADITIONAL WEDDING?? PROBABLY NOT. IT'S OK TO FEEL BAD, IT SHOWS YOU DID NOT MEAN ANY HARM, BUT LET'S NOT GO OVERBOARD!! NEXT THEY WILL BE TELLING YOU WHAT TO NAME YOUR 1ST BORN.LOL. GIRL LET IT GO AND MOVE ON.
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GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME; ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD. WHEN IN DOUBT, PRAY