Ladies i haven't been on the boards but a minute and as you can see i have quite a while before my big day but i'm having trouble with MOH so where else would i go but to the ViBrides. Although i haven't officially picked my bridal party, i have 3 close friends who already know they are IT. They are all older than me (25) and belong to 3 different religions. Two are 29 and one is 43-ish (she will be my matron of honor). So last weekend we got to talking about religion which has never come up in the 5 years that i've known her. First let me set the scene: My FH was raised as a Seventh Day Adventest(sp?) but does not go to church and i have been to a church service maybe been once in my whole life. We've both caught the "baby bug" and wnat kids very badly. We agreed to raise our children to know that God has a plan and that knowing Him is essential. FMIL takes all of the kids on my FH's side to church every night and i want her to take our kids, too. Anyway my MOH asks me "do you have a religion" and i said no. the conversation went back and forth in a casual manner (i love talking about almost anything) and then she said "so u just believe in God?" i said yes and she said "but which one?", i said "if you truly have faith, then there is only One". i said, "so u just want me to pick? i don't want to be inauthentic with my children" and she says . . . wait for it . . . THEN YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE CHILDREN. My jaw dropped at this point and i was speechless. we finished dinner and left the restaurant and i haven't called her since. she's called and made small talk and even asked "what's wrong with u?". Ladies my crisis of faith is not with my God but with my friend. At this point i'm not sure i want someone who would judge me standing next to me at my wedding. I've lost faith in her. AND since she already knows that i want her as MOH, would i be making a mountain out a mole hill to demote her to "poem reader" or "reception hostess"? I guess what hurts is she knows me better than most and she knows i live my life as right as i can(never smoked anything, drank anything, don't lie or steal, i don't hold grudges, and i'm a child therapist for a CPS shelter). Bottom line: Am I Overreacting? Are my hurt feelings clouding my judgement?
Ladies i haven't been on the boards but a minute and as you can see i have quite a while before my big day but i'm having trouble with MOH so where else would i go but to the ViBrides. Although i haven't officially picked my bridal party, i have 3 close friends who already know they are IT. They are all older than me (25) and belong to 3 different religions. Two are 29 and one is 43-ish (she will be my matron of honor). So last weekend we got to talking about religion which has never come up in the 5 years that i've known her. First let me set the scene: My FH was raised as a Seventh Day Adventest(sp?) but does not go to church and i have been to a church service maybe been once in my whole life. We've both caught the "baby bug" and wnat kids very badly. We agreed to raise our children to know that God has a plan and that knowing Him is essential. FMIL takes all of the kids on my FH's side to church every night and i want her to take our kids, too. Anyway my MOH asks me "do you have a religion" and i said no. the conversation went back and forth in a casual manner (i love talking about almost anything) and then she said "so u just believe in God?" i said yes and she said "but which one?", i said "if you truly have faith, then there is only One". i said, "so u just want me to pick? i don't want to be inauthentic with my children" and she says . . . wait for it . . . THEN YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE CHILDREN. My jaw dropped at this point and i was speechless. we finished dinner and left the restaurant and i haven't called her since. she's called and made small talk and even asked "what's wrong with u?". Ladies my crisis of faith is not with my God but with my friend. At this point i'm not sure i want someone who would judge me standing next to me at my wedding. I've lost faith in her. AND since she already knows that i want her as MOH, would i be making a mountain out a mole hill to demote her to "poem reader" or "reception hostess"? I guess what hurts is she knows me better than most and she knows i live my life as right as i can(never smoked anything, drank anything, don't lie or steal, i don't hold grudges, and i'm a child therapist for a CPS shelter). Bottom line: Am I Overreacting? Are my hurt feelings clouding my judgement?
hi Musikana. No, I dont think you are over reacting. Your feelings should be hurt. What gives her the right to tell you that you shouldn't have children. Having children is a blessing from God. How dare she curse you in that way. Religion and politics are always sticky subjects. Everyone will not always be on the same page and sometimes you have to agree to disagree. What's important is that you acknowledge the fact that THERE IS A GOD. You know where you blessings come from. If she is truly your friend, she would let you decide about church and your faith on your terms and when you are ready. It's nothing wrong with what she believes, but she shouldnt try to force her beliefs on you. She can give you her testimonies and let you be a witness for yourself. This way she can be a blessing to you and not try to condemn you. As for her being your MOH, I dont think you should remove her from that. I think you should let her know that she did hurt your feelings (because she may not even realize it), and that you will not allow her to be an influence on your decision to have children. Tell her that you have your own personal relationship with God and that he knows your heart.
Oh no Musikana! I agree with Bossie! My feelings would've been hurt too. She is extremely narrow minded. In my opinion that was just mean spirited! To say you don't deserve to have children -- the nerve, who made her god??? Shame on her! Personally a conversation is in order here. She needs to know that her comments hurt you deeply. Hopefully you guys can talk as muture adults and move past this, but if not, then follow your heart. In any event I wish you all the best!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I agree with what Bossie and Rhony has said here!
[quote="DaughterRhonda"]Personally a conversation is in order here. She needs to know that her comments hurt you deeply. Hopefully you guys can talk as mature adults and move past this, but if not, then follow your heart. In any event I wish you all the best!
[/quote]
Great advice rhony. No need to fly off the handle though Musikana. Y'all were just talkin'. Religion is just not polite conversation and we sometimes forget that. Just smile politely and don't make her God mother to your children. SHe is one of your best friends and you have asked her to stand by your side at the altar. I guarantee she didn't even know what fell out of her mouth on that day!
Have patience. Remember that you love her and move past it together.
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Excellent advice Rosey!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
Thanks you guys, i got a little teary-eyed reading your responses. A little validation goes a long way, Bossie and Rhony. I hear what you're saying Rosey and i take it to heart. In a few days once i've calmed down i can tell her how i feel. As rule usually don't talk religion but she caught me off guard when she brought it up. Not to be cliche, but i'm gonna pray on it *smile*.
Pray on it is the way we handle most things at vibride. See the great relationship you have with God? We are praying for your friendship too.
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Musi, I know i'm a little late her but i just wanted to say i agree with the ladies but remember all the great things about your friend as to why she's been your friend. People are willing to DIE for their religion which is why we are at war now!!! I wld probably let my friend know what she said bothered me and as far as which GOD, you feel there is only 1. You may want to gently add in while you may not be religious, you are very spiritual and have your own personal relationship with the CREATOR. The problem(in my opinion) is that people who are very religious,lose sight of the real reasons. If they did nt, they wld all realize,agree and acknowledge there is only 1 CREATOR and all people have a right to praise and worship him in their own way. Religious people all want to feel like their way is the right way and everyone else's religion is wrong, forgetting "Thou shall not judge,lest thy be judged." Or shld I say some religious people forget. And in the future,avoid the subject with her. Good luck
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GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME; ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD. WHEN IN DOUBT, PRAY
Well said Taj!!!
I agree!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I myself am not a religious person, However I know and believe that there is a higher power (God) , and I pray to him every day. I do not attend church, but I watch TD Jakes, and Joel Alsten on Sundays.
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Hi musikana, I'm new to the site and
I must say I love it. Because we can be
here for one another. I am a christian and
I love talking about it because I know it
is my GOD that keeps me breathing. However
I do know that talking about religon can
be a little senative. Because there is so
many different things out there. So a long
with other things I can understand why your
feeling may be hurt. I would like to say
< this that when picking your wedding party
you CAN NOT go based on family and friend
. What I'm trying to say is that you
want to pick someone that has your back
and willing to do whatever you need to make
this day happen. Not someone who is going
to make you stress because you are going
to do that all by yourself. My best friend
is my cousin who I grew up with but she
is not relieable and she only thinks about
herself. It hurt me but I had to think about
me and I had to tell her that she could
not be in it.That I wanted her to just be there to see one of the most important days of my life. That way it will save you a headach in the long run. Believe me if someone nessed your wedding day up other than you I don't think it would be anything pretty between you and that person. See some pople
just want to be in your wedding for the
title (MOH). It's not all about that
. I hope this helped
OK Guys. Take pity on your family and friends. We bring STRESS to them every day we stress out about the icing on the cake or BM dresses. lol. It's because they care that they even pretend to listen to all the details.
This may be hard to hear but ain't NOBODY gonna be as excited as you are about your wedding. We all want to talk about it all the time. We want help deciding between cerise and celery for the flowergirls. But really no one will be as interested.
That is what Vibride is for. We will NEVER get tired of hearing about your wedding. Vent here and love you MOH. She is your right hand for a reason.
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[quote="Rosetta"]
That is what Vibride is for. We will NEVER get tired of hearing about your wedding. Vent here and love you MOH. She is your right hand for a reason.
[/quote]
Great advice, I concur.
AMEN!!!
Delight yourself in The Lord & He will give you the desires of your heart!Ps 37
I second that.
Coppertone
On 5/27/06. Two families became ONE