New Bride is a NUN!!

I am so sorry to hear that! You are a strong woman and I appreciate that sex is not more important to than your man. Does he know if he can still ejaculate or have an orgasm? A man can have an orgasm without ejaculate. It is even more intense than ejaculatio. Does he have any children already? What is the real problem... refusal to have sex or feeling inadequate?

Because having children is fine, but you can always adopt and bypass the smelly diapers and screaming baby at 3am!

I commend you for sticking in there with Tom. People kill me when they base there relationship on sex. To me sex is nice, but I would rather have someone who loves and respect me. I know sometimes its hard but I wouldnt let it interfer with the way I feel for him. Try to consult a specialist to see if anything can be done, but make sure he is confortable with it first. I strongly believe everything will be ok.

Welcome to the site Angela41food!!! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Focus on the things that are important in life. Sex is cool, but when it all comes down to everything it is not the bond that holds your relationship together. There are many ways to make love hang in there my sista!!!

He has every opportunity to still be sexual with you IF he wants to. There are several medical solutions for his situation and if no of them are an option the two of you can explore and please each other. Let him know what you need.

Great advice guys! Men are very sesitive about their penises. Where women would get work done on their breasts their face even their bottoms to make a difference in how we FEEL about OURSELVES, men want you to love them as if they are perfect.

I would suggest a therapist. Couples therapy first sex therapy as you get comfortable with it. Ask him what his fantasies are and see if you can help him that way. There may be something missing that he is to shy to ask or express.

oh and there ain't Nothing wrong with getting the TongueJoy

Ain't NOTHING wrong with a toy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

WHOA! Stop blaming yourself right now! You need to definately seek therapy. You obviously are not going to be satisfied in a relationship that is sexless and it is hurting you so much!

have you even discussed therapy with him? The comments during sex scenes is more than likely a defense mechanism because he is feeling inadequate. You really need to find out whet is really at the bottom of it all! It is not your weight. Believe me.

Wow Angela, I think a conversation is in order. I agree with Rosie, perhaps you guys should see a therapist. Good luck with everything.

Don't blame your problems on your weight. Sexy does not have a size, nor does an erection make sex good. You have to find what makes you happy. I am getting breast implants and my man is so sad about it. He refuses to go with me to pick a size or anything. He says I have a self-image problem. But I am getting them anyway.

Know your needs before you take the big step. Would he be okay with you seeing someone on the side. I mean everyone is diffirent.

I'm confused....

"Some days love is just not there but you fall back on the promises that you have made to each other. She has no right to be with Dave period. She cannot have her cake and eat it to. Perhaps she needs to take some time to herself and figure it out."

Mycenae, tt's okay for some people to be with someone else outside of their relationship but not others?

Angela, I'd say there's other things that could be done. There are a lot of different options. Have you ever tried toys before? I mean maybe he can be a part of using them on you.

LMFAO

[quote="SeptBride"]I'm confused....

Mycenae, tt's okay for some people to be with someone else outside of their relationship but not others?

[/quote]

To the CORNER askalot! l0l

I personally am not a cheater but everyone is different. I am too lazy to be trying to creep on anybody. I am asking if angela41food wants to ask her man if they can have an open relationship. In the Dave/Mike situation there is deception. Monique says the open relationship thing works for her.

What's the point of going before GOD, and pledging your love and commitment in marriage if you are going to cheat. I think having an open relationship is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. If you dont want to be with one person then you shouldnt get married. I thought marriage was a commitment.

Have your ever seen those TV specials with the swingers. I am like gross they are lucky to have attracted one mate and now they want to be greedy. yuck. But if it floats your boat who I am to sink it. LOL

[quote="Rosetta"]To the CORNER askalot! l0l
[/quote]

We haven't had anyone go to the corner in a long time!!! ROTFLMBBO!!!!

GOOD LUCK ANGIE!

I know Rhony/Rosie, the corner has been quiet for a long time. But, you know what???? House is going to be there with me! lol

[quote="housewife147"]LMFAO
[/quote]

Yes Askalot, Housewife will be in the corner with you!

Oh No I'm in trouble too!

Yes you are!

Hey Angie, just remember that loving someone shouldn't be a commitment to suffering. Even if bro-ham isn't down for therapy, you might try going on your own just to gain a little perspective. And when it come to sex, it's never about the weight . . . never. Some of us vibrides are phat (Pretty Hot And Tempting) and some of us even got PHD's (that a booty Packed High and Deep) and our FH's know who's bringing sexy back. Just remind your boo that no sex might be cool but a marriage without intimacy is a life sentence, ya heard.

Look Angie I can solve the problem right now. We can switch! You want sex and so do my fh, I dont and neither do Tom. It will work out beautifully.

[quote="SeptBride"]I know Rhony/Rosie, the corner has been quiet for a long time. But, you know what???? House is going to be there with me! lol
[/quote]

Yeah I need an entire ROOM to hold ya butts in! lol
I can relate to you House! My hubby is a fiend and I am too tired or cranky most of the time. He is a doll though! When you have been married a while sex will chanmge a bit. Any old couple will tell you that, but don't think of it as a life sentence. People have very rewarding relationships. It does not have to be SEXLESS.

There is cuddling, touching, non pressure ways of expressing your love for each other. Nothing wrong with getting toys in on it, but privately. Sometimes sex toys can be a threat to men too! Love your man and I agree that seeing a sex therapist by yourself on the down low will open you up to lots of possibilities and keep your man happy too!

[quote="mycenae1918"]Sexy does not have a size, nor does an erection make sex good. You have to find what makes you happy. [/quote]

I know that's right!!!!

Well said Rosey! Let me find out you are that little sex therapist, Dr. Love or something like that.

[quote="housewife147"]Look Angie I can solve the problem right now. We can switch! You want sex and so do my fh, I dont and neither do Tom. It will work out beautifully.
[/quote]

House you are off da hook!!! Too funny.

I am late here, but I agree with you going to therapy on your own at first, but let him know. You can tell him how it goes and how its helping you...After a while he may want to come with you in a couple of sessions. Remind him that you love him with all your heart and you are excited to be able to enjoy this part of your marriage with him and if therapy helps you both acheive that goal then why not.

It always come down to making him feel like a man, and you being eager to be there for him. Never make him feel like its all on him. I heard there are some sex therapists that can give a lot of healthy advice for foreplay, you guys can give each other massages, rubbing and things that let him take the lead. It may just have to be built. In our married and engaged couples class, on of the newlywed couples (married 7 months) said that even sex is spiritual and both partners should be led by God.

I agree that keeping other people out of the picture is right, and NO relationships should be open. She also said that God CAN and IS FULLY ABLE to handle that department. I also have my own worries because I was raped (not by a stranger either) two years ago (yes my FH and I have been together for 7) and I don't to this day feel the same about sex, but I am getting better. My FH was worried because we had stopped having sex and even he felt violated...Part of my therapy had a lot to do with not hating sex and building my confidence back up.....My FH eventually had to attend the meetings later so that he could understand what I am going through....but despite all that, I have all the confidence in the world that when its time...its gonna be on:)

Oh shoot,
Has he attended any therapy or counseling for OTHER men who have also had this type of surgery? If not, I bet it would help him understand what he is going through, and how other men are handling it. In my class at church, its good to hear other engaged couples and married couples talk about their stuff, and then we get some good ideas. Support groups are a good way to go. You may even want to join something for your surgery type-AND/OR something for spouses of men who had that kind of surgery.

[quote="Rosetta"]>
Sometimes sex toys can be a threat to men too! [/quote]

Who are you telling??????? This is about to be TMI, but SO WHAT!!!! LOL FH couldn't stand them at first. Now, he asks me to use it because in the end, it's helps him out a WHOLE lot. lol

lol
good going Tellsalot!

Haha....tellsalot! Rosie you are a trip Askalot you too.
Angela, I think you should do toys if your man is comfortable with it, and it would be even better if he could participate. I think leaving him out of any kind of sexual contact is unhealthy and it cause him to be resentful. I don't think the focus should be "the orgasm" but the stuff in between the foreplay and the climax....thats the part that matters. If he can't participate, he may feel like an "object" can do the job he is not able to do (right now) and like I said, he may feel resentful and it may not help the situation, but hurt it.
Talk to him about it first, and if he says no, tell him that you are waiting for options, but it should be something you both can enjoy....Together.

[quote="Rosetta"]lol
good going Tellsalot!
[/quote]

Lordy, I've gone from Askalot, to knowsalot, to tellsalot. lol what's next? lmao

OMG!!!!!!
Hubby was going through a slump, but I kept at him. Then I said one more advance and I work it out by myself. Daddy is no longer in is slump, LOL!!!

lol

Angela41food make sure that you do not get caught up in the hype. You need not compare your sex life with other peoples or what you see on tV. Find what suits you. I definitely would not tell any of your mutual contacts. Never give people any ammo.

[quote="mycenae1918"]Angela41food make sure that you do not get caught up in the hype. You need not compare your sex life with other peoples or what you see on tV. Find what suits you. I definitely would not tell any of your mutual contacts. Never give people any ammo.
[/quote]

AMEN AMEN AMEN! Its no one else's business. People will surely use it against you, or use it to silently ridicule you and him. Mycenae is right about comparing lives. Not worth it, nor is what's on TV or how we THINK other people's lives are going necessarily for you, or even realistic! If its even true.

well put

Niquey and Askalot, you ladies are too much!!!

Well that is done now, but I would recommend keeping it personal for his sake. He may be hurt if he were to find out that they know and that would create a serious problem for the two of you. If you must talk to someone in person get a therapist. I had a social worker but she kept laughing at me. Go figure. She would laugh in my face!

Your right Mycenae, I think that he would be a little hurt if he found out you told someone his business. I think it would help if you went to a professional that you two didnt know.