Hard Decision

Going through the same thing girl. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings but I don't want mt freeloading relatives screwing up my day. I'm only inviting the one I want to come. If you don't have an invitation in hand you will be turned around. It may seem harsh but I do'n want any crashers.

I know where you are coming from and went through the same thing. I didn't want my wedding to be some "show". I am close to a few relatives and made sure they were invited. I informed my parents also, that they cannot just invite everyone they wanted, but they could give me a few names and I would see what I could do (my fiance and I are paying for the wedding). We wanted to keep the guest list at 120 people. We maybe a few over, but we can manage that.
Like I told my mom, I am not inviting those that just want to come and talk about everything, because I don't have time for that.
My guest list is mostly friends and my immediate family members. So I guess the folks that are not invited will have THAT to talk about. Oh well, that is not worrying me one bit!!
My fiance wanted to have the kind of wedding that WE wanted, not what other people want.

I agree with babieluvbug and klb, it's your wedding and people will talk and think what they want...who really care's. Invite those closes to you and not people whom you do not have a relationship with.

[quote="babieluvbug"]Going through the same thing girl. I don't want to hurt anyones feelings but I don't want mt freeloading relatives screwing up my day. I'm only inviting the one I want to come. If you don't have an invitation in hand you will be turned around. It may seem harsh but I do'n want any crashers.
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I know that's right! I'm going through the same thing. My FH & I both come from big families. Our families alone equal over 200 guests! It was easy to cut it in half: The ceremony is at night, so no kids allowed. That knocks the list down to 125. If we're not close, you're not invited, so now we're at 75 and able to invite co-workers (who we spend 8-10 hours of the day with M-F)! Hated to be harsh, but when the engaged couple is getting little or no help, you have to do what you have to do. I don't want to start off my marriage still paying for my wedding & only getting 25 can openers & 10 toasters as gifts! Stay sane & within your budget above all!

I thought it was just me!!! My FH and I are paying for our wedding..and 1. we don't want our family that we really don't have a relationship with to come 2) we don't want our family members with 5+ kids to come and bring their children bc thats 30 bucks a plate. Is that wrong???? I do feel bad...and i'm sure I will hear about it for a very long time...what should I do???

HELLOOOOOOOO.....who's wedding is this again? They will talk and there is nothing you can do about it, do what you want to do and I guarantee when they are tired talking, they will stop. In the Bahamas we say people talk about you for nine days then they stop, so give em 9 days by then you and your wedding will be history.

I'm not that close with my family at all and while that's a sad thing I have to think about the people who have become my family. A wise person once told me that just because people are your blood relatives doesn't mean you have to feel obligated towards them, where were these blood relatives when you were going through hard times? Nowhere, but who was there? The people who you you have made your family. All I'm saying is don't feel obligated to your family and do what makes you and your FH happy.

Southernthoughts I understand your situation. I have a similar situation. My church family doesn't believe in dancing. I however do not share these beliefs. I should be able to dance with my FH at our wedding reception. My church family however will be offended. My mom is upset with me because she believes that I should cater to them and have a "sit-down" dinner reception. I on the other hand have decided to have a private wedding and a private reception with only those individuals who will wish us well. I had originally thought of doing two separate receptions, but then I thought about the expense. I will just invite those people who will geniunely share in our happiness. Good luck to you.

This is such a common delimma. Do you invite the deadbeat relatives. The answer is always yes. If they are distant from you they probably won't attend. If they do come they will bring a gift-- preferably from your regisrty. So you win both ways.

That really is a hard decision for real. I believe if you invite the dead beats they will definitely come and not to wish well either but to eat free food and cross your finger and HOPE they bring a gift.

This is a very hard choice to make. The only thing you can do is to follow your heart. You don't want anything, that you can control to ruin your day. If you feel you should have a reception you can dance at then go ahead and dance until your feet are sore. Your wedding is a celebration of the life you are starting with the one God has appointed you to go through life with. As for family you have not spoken too in years. They should understand. I too have a very large family, and not everyone will be on the invite list. Just remember if they aren't invited to the wedding, they shouldn't be invited to the engagment party, bridal shower etc.

That's true I agree with you, MrsLugz. Welcome to the boards. If you're not going to invite everyone to the wedding ceremony, then they should'nt be included in the bridal shower, etc. Much success Southernthoughts.

I'm so glad I stumbled across this posting b/c I, too, am in this situation. Fortunately, my fiance and I are paying for everything so we are in control of the guestlist. For me, that means if we aren't close/weren't close, you're not invited, family or not. I've decided this is not a day that I want to "show off" but rather be surrounded by people I love and who love me w/ or w/o a gift involved. This has caused some rifts in my family but I refuse to appologize. I refuse to use my day and my expenses to "pretend" something is when it isn't. Just can't do it. Granted, I'm a sensitive person so this has been hard but this posting and all of the follow-ups have helped. Best wishes!

Welcome to the Boards 1205Bride. You hit it on the nail when you said that this is not a day that you want to show off but rather be surrounded by people that you love and who love you. That is exactly how I feel too. Truly that is what it is all about, including those who have your best interests at heart. All the best to you!

Here Here!

Hi brides and Hi Southernmostthoughts, You could do what we are doing and just go away. It takes guts, but We are having a romantic escape from all that and going to Montego Bay, Jamaica . You really see who loves you and comes, or who will at least try hard to come away with you when you bring your weding over seas. We have dealt with our share of "oh, No's" but it's the "I'll be there's" and "Count me in's" that touch our hearts.

Hi all, I new to the board and am enjoying all the posts. My FH and I have the same promlem - family, extended family and the list goes on.............. So to please ourselves, we've decided to get married in Grenada where our parents hale from instead of the UK, where we reside. My Parents now live in Grenada and a lot of our families live in New York. So we will be inviting close friends and family from the UK and US and those who can make it will be welcomed with an open Heart & lots of Love. As long as we have our nearest and dearest with us that's all that really matters. After all the "Day" is ours to enjoy!

One Love you have the right frame of mind, as long your nearest and dearest are present that is all that matters. I wish you all the best!

Onelove welcome to the boards. You do have the right idea...congratulations and enjoy!

[quote="CharlotteModebe"]That really is a hard decision for real. I believe if you invite the dead beats they will definitely come and not to wish well either but to eat free food and cross your finger and HOPE they bring a gift.
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Maybe you should just tell them a gift is EXPECTED! [lol] That may weed them out! Even the people who love you will find something to complain about at the wedding. I went to a beach wedding where there were mosquitos stuck in the cake. Every thing up to that point was perfect. Go figure.

OK Rosetta...you just made me laugh really loud with the mosquito cake....hey the mosquitos may have had a sweet tooth too ya know.....ROTFL

Charly you are so crazy!

That cake was gorgeous too. Oh and the wedding started 4 hours late. In the baking sun on a mosquito ridden beach. But damn if it wasn't one f the most beautiful I have ever seen. Everyone was bawlin'.

Are they legally married? I do not know what minister would have still been there waiting on a late/very late bride!

Are any of you ladies having this problem, because I am. My mother wants me to invite her family, but she also wants to pick and choose. Although I am not that close to my family, I still want them to celebrate my special day, but it is toooooooooo many of them. How do I decide who to invite?

I am inviting this way
Immediate Family
FIRST Cousins
Friends
Co-workers
His small family
and almost nobody is getting a date.

Girl I have over twenty first cousins. LOL

[quote="housewife147"]Are any of you ladies having this problem, because I am. My mother wants me to invite her family, but she also wants to pick and choose. Although I am not that close to my family, I still want them to celebrate my special day, but it is toooooooooo many of them. How do I decide who to invite?
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I'm narrowing my list down this way because I too come from a HUGE family. There are 37 first cousins! OMG!

So, first, there's no kids except some of my nieces, nephews, kids that's in the wedding party and my own children.

Second, if I haven't spoken/thought about you in the last 6 - 8 months, YOU'RE OFF!

Third, if on any other day, I would NEVER spend $100 on you, then YOU'RE OUTTA HERE!

Askalot you are too funny but you have a point. Just know that what they say about 30% of your guests won't show is so true. Two days before the wedding we went and paid for an extra 32 people based on those family members and friends who decided they's come at the last minute. I must tell you that we could have keept that money in our pockets because some showed and some didn't. We had 1 empty table and tables with 3-4 people at them. Stick to your guns. Those that do all the talking about your wedding every time you see them will be the main ones not there.

As you can see from my post above, I have the same problem. Invitations went out this weekend & I got phone calls Sunday from family I've NEVER spoken to and family asking why they can't bring their children.
I told them to shove it! Nah, i'm kidding. I did tell them there were several factors that contributed to our decision to 1) not invite everyone 2) not invite children (mostly budgetary constraints & location rules). Either they are going to show up or not and if they can't, there are no hard feelings.
I prioritized the list by intermediate family & friends, then those i'm closest to. If I don't talk to you, you're not invited. Too many of those extended cousins out there.

I know that's right Cinny. People that say something about no children get a shock from me. I think people think you'll bow down to them. I told one person, there will be no children at the reception. She asked but what if they can't find a babysitter. I said, point blank "Then that's too bad. There were plenty of functions I didn't go to because I couldn't find a babysitter. And actually the functions that I did get a babysitter for, I actually enjoyed myself a whole lot better." You don't have to hear Mommy, I want this all night long. lol

[quote="housewife147"]Girl I have over twenty first cousins. LOL
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Well, I am only inviting the ones from my mother's side but I had to exclude my second cousins cuz I have a coz who has 11 kids. I am sticking to my 100 limit b/c the people who beg for invites will not show or will give cheezy gifts. They think it is about them when it is about me!

This how I chose my guest:
people I haven't seen within a year or wouldn't see after the wedding -out,
1st cousins especially the ones I didn't like- out
I got my mother to make a list of family members I should invite and I made a list then I compared the two and chose
I ask both my mother and father to pick 5 friends/couples who they really want to be there and I invited them
FH made his list of friends and family he wanted there and he was even stingier at inviting them than I was
we also invited those who invited us to their wedding